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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner wants me to pay for petrol

257 replies

popmama1 · 10/10/2015 15:09

My OH has a car (that FIL bought him and MIL pays the insurance on) and wants me to pay for petrol if he takes me anywhere in it. Bearing in mind the only time he really drives me anywhere is to the supermarket where I pay for all the food shopping and his fags and then back to the flat where I pay all the electric, gas and rent because he's on a zero hour contract and refuses to even try to get a better job. I was learning to drive before I fell pregnant and don't plan on getting a car until after I have our daughter. We got in a genuine argument over whether I should contribute to petrol or not. He doesn't ask his friends or his family to pay if they go out so why should I? AIBU?

OP posts:
pointythings · 10/10/2015 15:39

Tot up everything you pay in rent, bills and food. Split in half. Present him with a bill for his half. Then give him the choice - either he ponies up and pays his share, or you boot him out. He's a cocklodger.

clam · 10/10/2015 15:46

So, in this "genuine argument" about it, where he said that it was only fair that you should contribute half of his petrol costs, how on earth did you not say "OK, so you pay half of my expenses too. Oh, and for your own fags." And if you did say this, what was his response?

memyselfandaye · 10/10/2015 15:49

Both you and his parents are mugs.

Why do you allow yourself to be treated like this?

Hes a sponger.

Spidertracker · 10/10/2015 15:53

I can only see three options here (well actually only one realistic one)
1: You split everything right down the middle down to the penny (this can work my Grandparents did it for over 60 years).
2: You totally pool finances (I am usually all for this but honestly think you would be a fool)
3: You lose the cocklodger and raise your child on your own terms. (best option in my opinion)

GabiSolis · 10/10/2015 15:54

What is his justification for asking in light of everything you pay for? I can't understand why he would see that as reasonable.

gallicgirl · 10/10/2015 15:55

I vote for number 3.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 10/10/2015 15:56

He's not a sponger, he's a ruthless exploiter. A fucking shameless one, too. The bloody nerve of him! And you're having a baby with him. This will not end well. Or it could, if you'd only chuck his exploitative arse right out the door.

FuckYouBitchImWellClassy · 10/10/2015 16:04

The second you stop paying for his stuff he will fuck off to find his next mug girlfriend. Good luck with getting any maintenence out of him either.

Muckogy · 10/10/2015 16:07

Cocklodger alert.

sorry you're saddled with one. Angry
you don't have to stay with him, you know.

Lynnm63 · 10/10/2015 16:09

I vote for option 3 also.
I guess he must be a hell of a shag but I imagine you could buy great sex cheaper than it costs to keep him.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/10/2015 16:09

I would make a list of things you pay for, and ask his share. He sounds crap.

ImperialBlether · 10/10/2015 16:12

So he has all his money for himself and you and his parents pay for everything? Really?

And you earn more than he does so you're expected to pay for everything - absolutely everything apart from the car/insurance?

Is he KIDDING?

What the hell attracted you to this cocklodger?

PacificMouse · 10/10/2015 16:13

What does he pay for exactely and how is he planning to feed and clothe and house his child???

You are married, you are going to have a child, all the money is YOURS TOGETHER, not yours or his. This 'you need to pay me for the petrol' begars belief. So you should pay him to go and do som shopping that he benefits from AND you are also supposed to buy him his cigareettes too that don't benefit you at all HmmHmm

PacificMouse · 10/10/2015 16:15

BTW he has a zero hour contract but it doen't mean he isn't earning any money at all I assume.

So what is he doing with his money?

And when is he going to start taking some sort of responsibility and actually pay his way too? If it means all his money is gone on essential, so be it.

tribpot · 10/10/2015 16:17

Is he aware that a zero hours contract doesn't mean you should aim to work zero hours?

He sees you absolutely as his cash point. I assume he will be quitting his apparently non-existent job to stay at home with the baby whilst you go back out to work?

expatinscotland · 10/10/2015 16:19

What a loser you've got there.

VulcanWoman · 10/10/2015 16:21

I agree, you need to stop enabling his behaviour.

NahItsOkTa · 10/10/2015 16:33

Yep, YakTriangle has it. He's a cocklodger, sorry lovey. Protect yourself and your money from him, please.

ImperialBlether · 10/10/2015 16:35

PacificMouse, the very LAST thing she needs to do is have a joint account with this loser. He'll empty it in no time.

Kaekae · 10/10/2015 16:38

I don't get all this your money, my money when you're a couple. I'd put that right asap.

Inertia · 10/10/2015 16:43

What should you do?

Either figure out a way for both of you to support your household fairly, or face up to the fact that unless he steps up by the time the baby is born you'd be better off without him, as you'd be entitled to CSA and single adult council tax reduction.

DickDewy · 10/10/2015 16:46

Hmmm, he sounds like a CATCH! I can totally see why you're with him. NOT.

Does he have any redeeming features? There must be a reason for reproducing with him.

SurlyCue · 10/10/2015 16:47

Where has Op gone?

Shakey15000 · 10/10/2015 16:48

Um. No. You shouldn't be paying for the petrol. Nor all of the other stuff.

I'd be running for the hills.

HelsBels3000 · 10/10/2015 16:51

Have you considered telling him to drive himself to do the supermarket, buy the food himself and his own fags himself? Problem solved - you don't need to pay for petrol. Win win.

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