Partner wants me to pay for petrol

[popmama1]

My OH has a car (that FIL bought him and MIL pays the insurance on) and wants me to pay for petrol if he takes me anywhere in it. Bearing in mind the only time he really drives me anywhere is to the supermarket where I pay for all the food shopping and his fags and then back to the flat where I pay all the electric, gas and rent because he's on a zero hour contract and refuses to even try to get a better job. I was learning to drive before I fell pregnant and don't plan on getting a car until after I have our daughter. We got in a genuine argument over whether I should contribute to petrol or not. He doesn't ask his friends or his family to pay if they go out so why should I? AIBU?

And on top of that she blames his mum for him being the way he is (not the dad) even though she is doin exactly the same as the mum.

Has it ever, in the history of the humankind, happened that a lazy cocklodger who has been living on mummy's wallet first and wive's second, will suddenly take a look at his baby and say oh, better shape up and get responsible? Hollywood movies don't count.

No. Childcare is wimmins work innit. He won't be doing night feeds, changing nappies or settling a crying baby. He won't even look after himself, let alone a helpless child.

Seriously OP, there is a lot of help here for you if you want it. From what little you have said he does not sound the type to go for resident parent custody, or even 50/50 because he really would have to do it all then but it's not out of the question.

If you split after the baby is born, you could end up paying child maintenance and seeing your child every other weekend. Is that something that you've even thought about or are you going to stay with him no matter what?

Just say, for example, that he doesn't change, no matter how hard you believe that to be. Would you stay with him anyway and carry on as you are, or would you cut your losses and move on?

It's scary how much you are in denial OP, particularly your last post. Your problems run way deeper than being with a man "who's not good with money". It shouldnt matter who earns the most in a relationship, man or woman.

No op, your partner us very good with money, you are paying for everything, even petrol when you go get his stuff, what's he doing with his earnings? You are probably young and firey headed, you don't want to loose face here in front of many strangers, but deep down you know what Is said here is correct.

The OP only appears to be unhappy about petrol, the rest she's fine with.

It's no different to every man out there with a non working wife. They would need to pay for everything so no difference at all apart from the sexes are reversed.

It's down to the OP, she runs the risk of her children believing it's the norm in relationships but that's the choice she's making.

I want better for my children, neither sex should have the whole burden put on them it should be shared. We've raised them to be hard working and hopefully they will expect the same in their spouses.

cookie he works, baby has not been born yet, so where does his money go?

different to every man out there with a non working wife. They would need to pay for everything so no difference at all apart from the sexes are reversed.

Yep and if there was no children involved the and man spoke like the op did in her first post I would say the same.

This 'man', if we can even call him that, is only 21.

I think what we have here is a case of (in the words of Morrissey)

'If you like you can marry me, and if you like we can buy the ring.'

a few drippy updates

Yes, interesting isn't it Maryz

These posts from very young women are always the same.

OP: 'My boyfriend is a total feckless arse because he has done XYZ - what say you?'

MN: 'Yes, we agree, he's a feckless arse. Why on earth are you with him?'

OP: 'you are such a bunch of bitches, how dare you judge me or him, when you don't even know us?

MN: Er…okay then.

You realise that you have simply replaced his mother and you are now doing exactly what she did, right? Just possibly with more nagging, which is easy to tune out if the money is good.

No matter if the man has the body of Thor and the wit of Oscar Wilde, he's a human leech looking for someone to suck dry, and what you allow, is what will happen. I am profoundly sorry for you. Babies are almost never the making of people or relationships, but they are quite often the breaking of them. I hope that you find what you need inside of yourself to see what's happening.

No matter if the man has the body of Thor

To be honest I would quite happily pay Chris Hemsworth petrol money if if he would pop round and drive me to the shops

Spartans, to be fair, is he does have the body of Thor, then maybe there's some wiggle-room here.

No pun intended.

LeaveMy plus 'but he'll change when we move in together/get married/have a baby/I make more effort etc etc, right?'

I'd pay Chris Hemsworth money if he'd pop round and wiggle.

I feel sorry for the OP. because she clearly thinks that Mr OP will change. please do come back OP and tell us when he has.

"I blame her for his behaviour"

Speaking about C lodgers mum.

Strange to wish to buy into keeping the cycle going then.

When he's had good hours and earned a good wage does he manage his own cigs then? Or do you still pay for them on top of your taxi fare to the shops?

I really hope not.

I wonder what the age difference is, and if he's a toyboy. That works when the genders are flipped too; older man and decorative younger female.

Ooo, that would put a twist on things - cougar OP and her cocklodging Thor-bodied toyboy.

Not that I would make light of another person's real-life relationship dilemmas.

Interesting how it's gone from refuses to even try to get a better job to can't get a better job and couldn't use a washing machine until I showed him is now a man who does practically everything around the house.

OP, if you are happy that's great. But don't say it's people's sexism when it's not.

Well, I am a lady of a certain age and a couple of my divorced friends have a similar sort of arangement.
Beauty, muscles, companionship and admiration in return for board, lodging and extras. No babies though, rather like having a human/spaniel hybrid.
The difference being that everyone knows what the deal is and is comfortable with it.

I don't get the impression it's a sugarmama/toyboy relationship (though of course I could be wrong). A baby doesn't really fit into that kind of dynamic, especially when the sugarmama is explicitly saying she hopes the baby will force him to grow up and is complaining that his own mama has made him useless at adulting.

Yes, I'm probably just getting side-tracked.

I think it's more like he's just a whinging entitled man child :)