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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner wants me to pay for petrol

257 replies

popmama1 · 10/10/2015 15:09

My OH has a car (that FIL bought him and MIL pays the insurance on) and wants me to pay for petrol if he takes me anywhere in it. Bearing in mind the only time he really drives me anywhere is to the supermarket where I pay for all the food shopping and his fags and then back to the flat where I pay all the electric, gas and rent because he's on a zero hour contract and refuses to even try to get a better job. I was learning to drive before I fell pregnant and don't plan on getting a car until after I have our daughter. We got in a genuine argument over whether I should contribute to petrol or not. He doesn't ask his friends or his family to pay if they go out so why should I? AIBU?

OP posts:

Notoedike · 10/10/2015 18:32

Walk away now!

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 10/10/2015 18:37

I agree Curly

It makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

Goingtobeawesome · 10/10/2015 18:37

I think the OP gets the message.

Goingtobeawesome · 10/10/2015 18:38

SurlyCue, maybe because they think having a baby will make prats like this grow up.

SurlyCue · 10/10/2015 18:42

I know going and mischief, its sooo depressing.

I wish they had the confidence in their own gut feelings (that i'm sure they have) and said "nope, he doesnt deserve me or my children" instead they bend over backwards trying to find excuses to keep him and giving him chance after chance.

Joopy · 10/10/2015 18:45

I learnt to drive when I was pregnant! I wouldn't have had time afterwards.

Thisishalloweenfifteen · 10/10/2015 18:46

Some people, pregnant or not, can't afford driving lessons.

FishWithABicycle · 10/10/2015 18:49

You are quite right Imperial - I am very much a fan of joint bank accounts were a relationship is a genuine partnership - and especially if one partner is in charge of childcare and household management but not earning while the other earns, but also in principle whenever two people are sharing responsibility for a family. However it is not at all clear that this particular cocklodger is contributing anything of value so he shouldn't be on the joint account.

P.s. I also feel a sense of pleased pride - I accidentally mistyped cocklodger as cicklodger and my phone correctly autocorrected it having finally learned that yes this a genuine word.

Atenco · 10/10/2015 18:59

I learnt to drive when I was pregnant and people were shocked, but I preferred that a million times to learning how to drive with a small baby in my car.

Defenderwife · 10/10/2015 19:03

Jesus Christ - paying for the petrol is the least of your worries, he sounds like a right knob. Why are you buying him his fags ffs?!?!??

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 10/10/2015 19:08

Some people, pregnant or not, can't afford driving lessons.

That's as may be, but the OP seems not to have that problem (and certainly won't if she kicks the cocklodging bastard out), so how is that relevant to the thread?

Fairenuff · 10/10/2015 19:09

I pay for all the food shopping and his fags and then back to the flat where I pay all the electric, gas and rent

Really?

fishfacedcow · 10/10/2015 19:12

where did OP go?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/10/2015 19:14

If I had raised a man to be such a worthless waste of space, I would have utterly failed as a parent.

I cannot imagine he brings anything worth having to the relationship, and I can't believe that the OP would be any worse off without him.

ihatethecold · 10/10/2015 19:19

Scared off I'd imagine.

BoffinMum · 10/10/2015 19:19

Personally speaking this would motivate me into getting a better car than his before booting him out.

SimLondon · 10/10/2015 19:22

a taxi would probably be cheaper by the time you take the fags into account

Original poster

popmama1 · 10/10/2015 23:51

i didn't expect such a vast response to that! Because I earn a fair amount of money he thinks I should pay for most stuff because I have more money than him. He doesn't understand living with someone doesn't work like that. Everything else about him is good apart from the money bit so it's difficult. I'm just hoping reality hits him when our daughter is born

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 10/10/2015 23:55

He's a gold digger. What does he contribute to the relationship?

gamerchick · 10/10/2015 23:56

It won't and you're going to waste years and probably a couple of more kids until you wise up.

SurlyCue · 11/10/2015 00:00

I'm just hoping reality hits him when our daughter is born

Well that's a mistake for starters.

Dont hope! Make it happen. Change it now, tell him how its going to be from now on.

he thinks I should pay for most stuff because I have more money than him.

so because that's what he thinks, thats how it goes? Where does what you think come into it?

He doesnt get to decide alone. You have veto over how your life is run. Dont wait to be told by someone else, decide on your own rules!

What is stopping you?

gallicgirl · 11/10/2015 00:01

So how does he think finances are going to work with the baby? Is he expecting you to pay for all those expenses too?
How is he with cleaning and housework? Does the person with the most time do everything or do you split chores?

Original poster

popmama1 · 11/10/2015 00:02

We've only just got a place together and if I didn't pay all the bills we'd be in debt because he's in a dead end job. I earn enough money to do so and not be set back by it. His mum used to buy his fags for him so now I have to or like most smokers (I used to be one before pregnant) he gets irratible and downright annoying. He just had the audacity to ask me to pay for the petrol he uses when I'm in the car. It's a fair enough request and just wanted to see if people though I was being unreasonable. I'm having a baby with him because I love him and I want/tried for a baby for a fair while. I know that even if he doesn't get any hours my daughter will still get what she needs and more so I'm not concerned it would just be nice if he paid his way sometimes. But of course he's had his butt wiped for him his entire life by dear mummy. I blame her for his behaviour and his views on money as at 21 she still paid his way for him. I'm trying to get him out of what she made him. He didn't even know how to use a bloody washing machine before he lived with me. He's started doing housework and his own washing so now it's just splitting bills he needs to work on

OP posts:

LyndaNotLinda · 11/10/2015 00:05

No, everything else about him isn't good. Ffs listen to yourself. He drives you to the supermarket where you pay for all your food then you come home and you cook and clean and make sure he's got clean pants and a hot shower.

You're playing at pretend relationship. He's playing at cocklodger.

SurlyCue · 11/10/2015 00:06

I blame her for his behaviour

Oh dear.

He's an adult. The mummy excuse expires when they hit 18. How he behaves is his own choice now. Blame him. Stop giving him a get out of jail free card. You sound like a right mug tbh. He'll be sitting laughing at how sweet he has it with this girl who swallows all his bullshit.

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