Back in February this year my grown up daughter asked me for the first time who her biological father is. I didn't really want to tell her because i knew the outcome would be as it is, but after much soul searching and being raked across the coals on here I told her, all I had was a name and we found him on facebook.
The background is that i got pregnant at 19 and didnt find out until after our relationship had ended. In fact i was 5 months pregnant when i found out (long story) and I couldn't be certain about dates as my periods have never been regular. He denied paternity mostly because he was a mummy's boy and scared of his parents i think. He was 22 at the time so not a baby! I didn't persue it but when DD arrived i took her, along with my parents to see his parents. They refused to see me and called the police (this is relevant is its something most people would remember!)
So, she contacts him and i don't know very much more about what was going on between them, i told DD i didn't really want to know/interfere.
So it transpires that he sent her message yesterday saying he didnt want a relationship with her and that he would have stepped up if he had known about her but he didn't - REALLY????? I mean, REALLY? He is due to get married and start his own family and has his future wife to think of.... all about him really, poor love 
I am incandescant, DD is devastated but thankfully she believes me when i tell her that he absolutely did know about her.
So here is my dilemma - his future wife is on facebook. She clearly is ignorant to all of this. But the temptation to message her and point out the very obvious similarity between him and my DD ( they almost could be twins!) is sooo great. But he is the cunt, not her. Ive looked at pictures of her with him on facebook and she looks like a really nice person and she looks happy. I don't have the right to destroy that.
BUT
What right does he have to lie to my daughter about not even knowing she existed. When i was sat outside his parents house in the car, with my DD, just wanting to introduce her to his parents. For him to ackowledge her - but they called the police (we were causing no disturbance whatsover). They actually didn't answer - i knocked on a neigbhbours door then had to go and feed DD so did so in the car opposite - the police came at that point.
He was there, there had been conversations with his parents and my parents, where he still denied paternity (despite admitting it to his friend).
BUT
That was 25 years ago, a 22 yo boy, a bit scared of his officer daddy and not wanting to bring shame to the family bla bla. I can sort of understand him sticking his head in the sand.
I can even understand him not wanting a relationship now, but why did he string her along and why did he lie and say he would have stepped up if he knew about her????
Please someone stop me sending that message