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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU to want to (metaphorically) slap this child?

176 replies

Narnia72 · 06/10/2015 22:16

I take my 3 kids (7,5,3) for swimming lessons all at the same time. Bit of a bun fight, but gets it all out of the way on one evening. However, changing the 3 of them together after swimming when they're cold and tired is always a nightmare. The 7 and 5 year old can dress themselves but they've had an hour of gymnastics before and so I usually help to hurry them up as otherwise it takes forever. The 3 year old needs help and they all need help to wash their hair.

At our swimming pool the changing room is communal. There are lots of individual cubicles, 2 group changing rooms and 1 large family/disabled room with a shower in.

I can't fit us all into the individual cubicles, and sometimes the group rooms are locked. So, if possible, I try to use the large changing room. If it's not available often we end up changing in the public area, not ideal but easier than trying to have children all over the place. Anyway, for the last 4 weeks, this 8 yr old girl has been desperate to change in the big room. The first week she literally raced us to the changing room, I asked her if she'd mind if we used it and she shut the door on us! The next 2 weeks my girls got out a bit early and we got in there before her. She was livid and gave us what I can only describe as an evil eye both times (she was standing with her mum drying her hair where we came out).

This week the girls finished 10 minutes before the main lessons (private lesson ). The room was free so I started changing them then left them there to get my little boy (in group lessons). When I got back she and her mum were standing outside the changing room looking apoplectic. I said "excuse me" and knocked on the door for the girls to let me in. I could hear her practically tantruming outside and the mother saying "well you should have got out earlier." When I came out, they were both standing outside waiting for the room. The girl still dripping wet. As I came out she very rudely said "finally" and flounced past. I said "excuse me, that's a very rude thing to say". I was gobsmacked, both that they'd waited 10 minutes to access a changing room and that she was being so rude. The mum asked me what she said and then replied, quite sarcastically "well she's not good at waiting". Then went into the room. The other mums who saw the exchange were WTF???!

I don't want to compete for a room. If she gets or anyone else gets iin there first we absolutely will manage. I'm not precious, it just makes my life easier. But if she was my child, first of all I'd make her apologise for being rude to an adult, and secondly I'd be explaining that the family rooms are for families who need them and we can manage quite well in an individual cubicle. Child was NT as far as I could see; I am aware that she may have hidden issues. However, tbh she comes across as Verruca Salt! And if you were the mum and there were issues, wouldn't you at least apologise for your child's rudeness if you thought getting them to apologise wasn't going to work?

I feel like nipping in there before they all finish next week and shoving our stuff in, and putting a sign saying "yah boo, sucks to you" on the door. Would that be terribly childish??

OP posts:
LadyLonely1 · 06/10/2015 22:19

Don't rise to it, she sounds like a brat!

SouthWestmom · 06/10/2015 22:20

Why not use two cubicles next to each other? You and toddler, both girls. Rather than this undignified race to beat a child to this room?

Marshy · 06/10/2015 22:21

Don't slap her ....that won't end well but YANBU to be fed up with this. Maybe worth speaking to the manager. Not unreasonable for a family to want to use the family room

pictish · 06/10/2015 22:22

Speak pleasantly to the staff about it perhaps. Maybe they could tell ask the little minx girl to use a smaller cubicle because you have more need of the larger one.

Purplepoodle · 06/10/2015 22:23

Wow brat. Surely mum would have said if she had set routine issues

Marshy · 06/10/2015 22:23

Noeuf's is a good idea. Leave Verucca to it!

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2015 22:26

and secondly I'd be explaining that the family rooms are for families who need them and we can manage quite well in an individual cubicle.

See I would have explained that to the pair of them ages ago.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 06/10/2015 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 06/10/2015 22:29

...What is a metaphorical slap?

Burnet · 06/10/2015 22:37

It must be weird to have a random eight year old as your enemy.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/10/2015 22:44

Sounds like a hidden disability to me.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/10/2015 22:45

For an eight year old to do that, it sounds like she has a bigger need (whatever it may be) for the changing room than you and your dc do.

ChameleonCircuit · 06/10/2015 22:53

So why didn't she or Mum speak to OP in a reasonable manner instead of being a stroppy little madam?

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 06/10/2015 22:54

Do you always battle with small children? Grow up and chill out.

Samcro · 06/10/2015 22:55

if the child has sn, there is no reason on earth why they would need to explain it to the op.

GruntledOne · 06/10/2015 22:56

Perhaps it would be simplest to swim on a different day?

PerspicaciaTick · 06/10/2015 22:57

Leave the hair washing until you get home. Then you can be changed and leaving before the girl appears.

MrsBobDylan · 06/10/2015 22:59

The fact that they waited 10 minutes, cold and wet, to use the room suggests IMO that the girl's behaviour might be down to something more than brattishness.

pictish · 06/10/2015 23:00

It must be weird to have a random eight year old as your enemy.

Ohh I'm so sorry that has made me howl. Grin

Mmmmcake123 · 06/10/2015 23:01

Yanbu. Other posts have suggested she may be non neurotypical. Whether this is the case or not her parent should be teaching her that this room is specifically for families / disabled. She clearly doesn't need a family room but if she needs a disabled room (due to a non visible disability) her parent needs to be teaching her to wait and / or take an alternative option, i.e. you are not the only person / family who needs the room. The parent may find this difficult if she is say ASD but it is an opportunity for learning. Parent might not want to say to you, 'oh hey it's cos she's aspie' which is fair enough. Don't hate her so much, she either has a recognised difficulty or is spoilt rotten. As other posts say inform a manager.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 06/10/2015 23:01

Bad behaviour is just that. Think of her poor mother when she hits teens.

pictish · 06/10/2015 23:02

It is true that you don't know a stranger's story. What appears, may not be.

SaucyJack · 06/10/2015 23:03

Get your girls to change in a small cubicle on their own, and then stand outside when she walks past telling them what wonderful big girls they are and how much fun it is for them to go in a cubicle on their own.

If she is a madam who's trying to race you to the big room out of spite (which I strongly suspect having an 8 year old of my own) then she will hate it.

Floppy5885 · 06/10/2015 23:07

Talk to the staff. Explain your problem and ask them to ask the girl to use a single cubical

Mmmmcake123 · 06/10/2015 23:07

BTW as you have said it may be more than brattishness, please don't expect Mum to know exactly how to deal with it, we're all learning as we go along and its much harder for sen parents. They didn't know what was coming and there isn't a specific mummy manual for each child.
In saying that I personally would have just told her twice that it was taken and on 3rd occasion, 'just go away!!!!' Lol

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