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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU to want to (metaphorically) slap this child?

176 replies

Narnia72 · 06/10/2015 22:16

I take my 3 kids (7,5,3) for swimming lessons all at the same time. Bit of a bun fight, but gets it all out of the way on one evening. However, changing the 3 of them together after swimming when they're cold and tired is always a nightmare. The 7 and 5 year old can dress themselves but they've had an hour of gymnastics before and so I usually help to hurry them up as otherwise it takes forever. The 3 year old needs help and they all need help to wash their hair.

At our swimming pool the changing room is communal. There are lots of individual cubicles, 2 group changing rooms and 1 large family/disabled room with a shower in.

I can't fit us all into the individual cubicles, and sometimes the group rooms are locked. So, if possible, I try to use the large changing room. If it's not available often we end up changing in the public area, not ideal but easier than trying to have children all over the place. Anyway, for the last 4 weeks, this 8 yr old girl has been desperate to change in the big room. The first week she literally raced us to the changing room, I asked her if she'd mind if we used it and she shut the door on us! The next 2 weeks my girls got out a bit early and we got in there before her. She was livid and gave us what I can only describe as an evil eye both times (she was standing with her mum drying her hair where we came out).

This week the girls finished 10 minutes before the main lessons (private lesson ). The room was free so I started changing them then left them there to get my little boy (in group lessons). When I got back she and her mum were standing outside the changing room looking apoplectic. I said "excuse me" and knocked on the door for the girls to let me in. I could hear her practically tantruming outside and the mother saying "well you should have got out earlier." When I came out, they were both standing outside waiting for the room. The girl still dripping wet. As I came out she very rudely said "finally" and flounced past. I said "excuse me, that's a very rude thing to say". I was gobsmacked, both that they'd waited 10 minutes to access a changing room and that she was being so rude. The mum asked me what she said and then replied, quite sarcastically "well she's not good at waiting". Then went into the room. The other mums who saw the exchange were WTF???!

I don't want to compete for a room. If she gets or anyone else gets iin there first we absolutely will manage. I'm not precious, it just makes my life easier. But if she was my child, first of all I'd make her apologise for being rude to an adult, and secondly I'd be explaining that the family rooms are for families who need them and we can manage quite well in an individual cubicle. Child was NT as far as I could see; I am aware that she may have hidden issues. However, tbh she comes across as Verruca Salt! And if you were the mum and there were issues, wouldn't you at least apologise for your child's rudeness if you thought getting them to apologise wasn't going to work?

I feel like nipping in there before they all finish next week and shoving our stuff in, and putting a sign saying "yah boo, sucks to you" on the door. Would that be terribly childish??

OP posts:
zzzzz · 07/10/2015 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 07/10/2015 11:36

If in any doubt though it's always best to assume that their is some sort of reason and not to tackle the parent or child and risk making things worse.

Realistically if it is bad parenting do you really think a random stranger telling them they are doing it wrong is going to change things anyway?

MrsFrisbyMouse · 07/10/2015 11:38

As an aside - there is a fair bit of evidence to suggest that we have swung to over emphasis on the role of the parent in shaping a child.

This idea that is everyone was a good parent then we would have a perfect society is fatally flawed.

What is more important is society and how society influences us. So our wider interactions in the form of family/neighbourhoods/schools/work/friends etc.

bialystockandbloom · 07/10/2015 11:49

Yay for MN Smile

nottheshrinkingcap I can imagine my ds saying the same kind of thing too - as you say, not out of rudeness, but out of just being unaware of the needs of others. A basic diagnostic criteria for ASD - lack of theory of mind.

Samcro · 07/10/2015 11:49

Nabootique yep they are.

rkerr · 07/10/2015 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Number3cometome · 07/10/2015 12:05

Rkerr

Huh?

Number3cometome · 07/10/2015 12:07

Oh I see, Rkerr is LoveChickens

Nabootique · 07/10/2015 12:07

Rkerr is Loveschickens, Number

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 07/10/2015 12:07

@rkerr

It's very easy to join up again. I won't be going anywhere. Granted this account will be banned but I will see you all again soon Brew

Indeed it has been. If you are repeatedly being removed from a site, you perhaps want to ask yourself if it's the forum for you.
Have a nice day.
MNHQ

Nabootique · 07/10/2015 12:07

X-post

Maryz · 07/10/2015 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Francoitalialan · 07/10/2015 12:09

Wow are some people's lives so toxic that they get their kicks from rejoining sites they're banned off, just to make disablist and offensive comments? What sort of a disgusting example is this person to her children? I truly pity them.

Number3cometome · 07/10/2015 12:12

How sad. How very very sad.

Maryz · 07/10/2015 12:12

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Notimefortossers · 07/10/2015 12:14

Can someone PLEASE explain to me what troll hunting is???!!!???? (Sorry, I've asked loads of times)

cleaty · 07/10/2015 12:14

There are lots of obvious trolls on mumsnet.

Nabootique · 07/10/2015 12:15

Notime A troll hunter is someone who accuses another poster of not being genuine (a troll).

Maryz · 07/10/2015 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notimefortossers · 07/10/2015 12:21

Thank you!

bialystockandbloom · 07/10/2015 12:23

So can we quote this thread next time we have a "troll-hunters are worse than trolls and we should believe everyone on the internet" thread?

Yes indeed mary

And btw thanks for the heads-up re post-splitting, always useful to learn a new skill Wink

Anastasie · 07/10/2015 13:09

It seems our little trolly friend has almost stopped pretending to be normal, and fairly much admitted to being deliberately provocative.

I love it when that happens. Smile

Brioche201 · 07/10/2015 13:28

It is not normal fpr an 8yo to need her mum to help her change.It is not normal for a child, let alone parent too, wait or a particular changing room to become free.I think she has a need ofr that room

PurpleDaisies · 07/10/2015 13:36

I don't think you can say one way or the other whether the girl should be using a disabled/family changing room or not. A quiet word with her mum asking in a non aggressive, non judgy way is how I'd handle it. Kids shouldn't be using disabled changing rooms if they're not disabled. It is entirely possible that this child had decided she wants to use that room just because she wants to. None of us can tell.

zzzzz · 07/10/2015 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.