AIBU to want to (metaphorically) slap this child?

[Narnia72]

I take my 3 kids (7,5,3) for swimming lessons all at the same time. Bit of a bun fight, but gets it all out of the way on one evening. However, changing the 3 of them together after swimming when they're cold and tired is always a nightmare. The 7 and 5 year old can dress themselves but they've had an hour of gymnastics before and so I usually help to hurry them up as otherwise it takes forever. The 3 year old needs help and they all need help to wash their hair.

At our swimming pool the changing room is communal. There are lots of individual cubicles, 2 group changing rooms and 1 large family/disabled room with a shower in.

I can't fit us all into the individual cubicles, and sometimes the group rooms are locked. So, if possible, I try to use the large changing room. If it's not available often we end up changing in the public area, not ideal but easier than trying to have children all over the place. Anyway, for the last 4 weeks, this 8 yr old girl has been desperate to change in the big room. The first week she literally raced us to the changing room, I asked her if she'd mind if we used it and she shut the door on us! The next 2 weeks my girls got out a bit early and we got in there before her. She was livid and gave us what I can only describe as an evil eye both times (she was standing with her mum drying her hair where we came out).

This week the girls finished 10 minutes before the main lessons (private lesson ). The room was free so I started changing them then left them there to get my little boy (in group lessons). When I got back she and her mum were standing outside the changing room looking apoplectic. I said "excuse me" and knocked on the door for the girls to let me in. I could hear her practically tantruming outside and the mother saying "well you should have got out earlier." When I came out, they were both standing outside waiting for the room. The girl still dripping wet. As I came out she very rudely said "finally" and flounced past. I said "excuse me, that's a very rude thing to say". I was gobsmacked, both that they'd waited 10 minutes to access a changing room and that she was being so rude. The mum asked me what she said and then replied, quite sarcastically "well she's not good at waiting". Then went into the room. The other mums who saw the exchange were WTF???!

I don't want to compete for a room. If she gets or anyone else gets iin there first we absolutely will manage. I'm not precious, it just makes my life easier. But if she was my child, first of all I'd make her apologise for being rude to an adult, and secondly I'd be explaining that the family rooms are for families who need them and we can manage quite well in an individual cubicle. Child was NT as far as I could see; I am aware that she may have hidden issues. However, tbh she comes across as Verruca Salt! And if you were the mum and there were issues, wouldn't you at least apologise for your child's rudeness if you thought getting them to apologise wasn't going to work?

I feel like nipping in there before they all finish next week and shoving our stuff in, and putting a sign saying "yah boo, sucks to you" on the door. Would that be terribly childish??

I agree with others who have said there may be a hidden disability here. It is not the typical behaviour of an nt 8 year old. How many would wait dripping wet for 10 minutes to get a particular room?

zzzzz , I don't think the mum should be 'extra nice' - that would be exhausting way to live! But a quick explanation if the child does have a sn is necessary if she doesn't want people to draw their own conclusions.

I doubt the girl is anything other than bratty though, because the mum was equally as rude and entitled.

This would annoy me too, especially as I would need the disabled changing room.

Any yes, the mother was incredibly rude as well, so not surprising that that is how her DD has learned to behave.

the op did say it was also a disabled changing room, so no one with a disability would need to explain their need to a random.

Samcro - A larger disabled changing room is for people who use equipment such as a wheelchair. You physically need more space to be able to change.

Or if you need someone to help you change. Although many children need that anyway, so it would normally be adults who need this extra facility.

cleaty Wed 07-Oct-15 08:28:20
Samcro - A larger disabled changing room is for people who use equipment such as a wheelchair. You physically need more space to be able to change.

thats wrong

You can need extra space for changing for reasons other than having a wheelchair. I can't change ds in a single cubicle because I need space to change his nappy and also many disabled changing rooms are completely enclosed which makes them quieter than the cubicles.

Of course other disabled facilities are for anyone disabled who needs them.

However if you have an invisible disability, you are unlikely to need a larger changing room. A larger changing room provides space for those who need it.

Ds has to use the disabled changing room because the family changing cubicles are too noisy.

This disabled changing room is also a family changing room. So if you have DCs, you can use it.

As someone who is disabled I change with help my own equivalent nappy in a disabled toilet.

If you can't cope with noise, you certainly can't cope with a public swimming session. They are usually very noisy. And it is annoying when people use facilities because they prefer them, making others wait who have no other choice.

Cleaty it's a misconception that 'larger' disabled changing rooms are for those with a physical disability. All disabled changing rooms are larger than standard so they can accommodate all disabilities! They don't come in small, medium and large depending on the disability!!!

Personally OP, I think you just need to chill and not be so bothered by a little girl

My point is that most disabilities don't need a larger changing room. If you use a wheelchair, you can't physically get into an ordinary changing room. And if you are an adult who physically needs help, you can't use family changing rooms, so you need to use the disabled one.

Just talk normally and reasonably to the mother . Ask if there is a particular reason why she wants to use that room, and suggest you somehow stagger your times or explain your need with 3 kids.

You are an adult . No need to take personally the behaviour of an 8 year old.

She may need privacy for all sorts of reasons . Just talk like a grown up.

Cleaty it is not a choice. It is the only changing room my son who has severe asd and learning difficulties can use. He can cope in the pool because it is a relaxing place for him. He can't cope with the noise when he is being dressed and undressed and having things done to him. Also I do not fancy being scratched, bitten etc when I am in a swimming costume. He has has as much right to be in there as anyone with a more obvious disability. And no I can't explain/make him understand because he has the understanding of a baby.

It does annoy me when family facilities and disabled facilities are the same place. They should be separate (with the disabled able to cater for families too but only families with disabilities)

It does sound like the child in this case has some sort of special needs. When a child is so set in a routine it really is easier sometimes to as much as possible cater for that routine.

If the child has no need for the room then it would be better if she got used to using other ones but I can understand the mother not wanting to risk a meltdown.

Clutching I think Blanche

Maybe it would be an idea to ask at the beginning of your session that the group rooms be unlocked, if there's no apparent reason why they are sometimes locked. I can't see why that would be a problem, and it would solve the issue of people "racing" to use the larger facility.

Why is it on mumsnet that every badly behaved child must have special needs and we all must accommodate every brattish behaviour shown.

Some children are just brats without any additional needs. Some perfectly nice well behaved children sometime display bratty behaviour. We need to stop making excuses all the time and accept that.

There is nothing in the OP to suggest special needs to me. I have worked in schools, and nurseries for many years with all kinds of children. Many do have hidden disabilities and do need allowances made. However just as many do not they are just being brats often because they don't get their own way.

Rainbow, perhaps because for many posters they read it and think "that sounds similar to my child/a child I know" and that child has special needs.

People recognise the behaviour and so suggest it as a possibility. That much obsession with a room is unusual in a 8 year old.

YANBU op.

I agree with the pp - mn is like another dimension where brattish and rude kids don't exist, only those with additional needs and hidden disabilities.

The kid sounds like a rude little madam with a mother who enables it. If I were you op i'd have a word with the staff so that they can speak to the mum and tell them to use a single cubicle.