AIBU to want to (metaphorically) slap this child?

[Narnia72]

I take my 3 kids (7,5,3) for swimming lessons all at the same time. Bit of a bun fight, but gets it all out of the way on one evening. However, changing the 3 of them together after swimming when they're cold and tired is always a nightmare. The 7 and 5 year old can dress themselves but they've had an hour of gymnastics before and so I usually help to hurry them up as otherwise it takes forever. The 3 year old needs help and they all need help to wash their hair.

At our swimming pool the changing room is communal. There are lots of individual cubicles, 2 group changing rooms and 1 large family/disabled room with a shower in.

I can't fit us all into the individual cubicles, and sometimes the group rooms are locked. So, if possible, I try to use the large changing room. If it's not available often we end up changing in the public area, not ideal but easier than trying to have children all over the place. Anyway, for the last 4 weeks, this 8 yr old girl has been desperate to change in the big room. The first week she literally raced us to the changing room, I asked her if she'd mind if we used it and she shut the door on us! The next 2 weeks my girls got out a bit early and we got in there before her. She was livid and gave us what I can only describe as an evil eye both times (she was standing with her mum drying her hair where we came out).

This week the girls finished 10 minutes before the main lessons (private lesson ). The room was free so I started changing them then left them there to get my little boy (in group lessons). When I got back she and her mum were standing outside the changing room looking apoplectic. I said "excuse me" and knocked on the door for the girls to let me in. I could hear her practically tantruming outside and the mother saying "well you should have got out earlier." When I came out, they were both standing outside waiting for the room. The girl still dripping wet. As I came out she very rudely said "finally" and flounced past. I said "excuse me, that's a very rude thing to say". I was gobsmacked, both that they'd waited 10 minutes to access a changing room and that she was being so rude. The mum asked me what she said and then replied, quite sarcastically "well she's not good at waiting". Then went into the room. The other mums who saw the exchange were WTF???!

I don't want to compete for a room. If she gets or anyone else gets iin there first we absolutely will manage. I'm not precious, it just makes my life easier. But if she was my child, first of all I'd make her apologise for being rude to an adult, and secondly I'd be explaining that the family rooms are for families who need them and we can manage quite well in an individual cubicle. Child was NT as far as I could see; I am aware that she may have hidden issues. However, tbh she comes across as Verruca Salt! And if you were the mum and there were issues, wouldn't you at least apologise for your child's rudeness if you thought getting them to apologise wasn't going to work?

I feel like nipping in there before they all finish next week and shoving our stuff in, and putting a sign saying "yah boo, sucks to you" on the door. Would that be terribly childish??

I think children swimming lessons brings out the worst in people, our one is horrible, My 8 year old DS goes by himself to the mens but my 5 year DS old I will have to take to the ladies. There is an absolute scrum to get to the showers, one communal with maybe 8-9 showers. The mums will stand in front of the entrance to the shower helping their (in my opinion) old enough kids to shampoo and condition, even though there are lots of kids waiting to get in, no sense of urgency, no sense of asking their kid to share the shower. In my case though it's the mothers who are brats mostly :-)

PLEASE just keep reporting the GF, surely if mn hq get enough reports they will have to act.

Swimming lesson changing = work of devil

I shove towelling hoody/throw over kids, put crocs on and shove them in car to be sorted properly at home. No messing in public.

When I take dgs aged 6 and 9 they take themselves into the changing rooms with hooded towels. Off with trunks, quick rub to dry bums and put pants on. Then pull on onesie and crocs and into car. All the dc having lessons do the same and mums and dads just go with very smallest children.

The Force is strong in you, Master.

Mary

maryz

What I don't understand is that it seems to be acceptable so say "well, you don't know, the child could be SN", but it is unacceptable to say "well, you don't know, the child may not be SN". The latter seems to earn a flaming. The fact is, you don't know, either way. The child was rude, as was her mother, and whilst there may be reasons behind this, does it mean that this kind of behaviour can't be talked about without the OP and others being attacked for being unsympathetic?

My 5yo DD was punched in the face by a boy at soft play last month. His mother's reaction was to talk to him in a baby voice and say "that wasn't very nice, was it?". No telling him to apologise or telling him off, he then punched her in the face, and that was that. Now, if I had started a thread about this I would no doubt have been flamed for not assuming he was SN, even though he might well not have been. Who knows? What annoyed me was that my DD had been punched in the mouth. If I am to consider that a child might be SN then surely we should also consider they may not be? There does seem to be a double standard here.

@Samcro

PLEASE just keep reporting the GF, surely if mn hq get enough reports they will have to act.

We have indeed received many, many reports about this poster. We've done some digging, found enough dirt and have now banned.

We also think this would be a good time to drop a link to our This Is My Child info on invisible disabilities.

Do please look at all of the This Is My Child info. Lots of posters who are parents of children with disabilities (or who have disabilities themselves) contributed information to it, including accounts of their experiences of using facilities for disabled people.

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to report.

yay

It's not about that exactly Nab. It's more the turn of phrase designed to shock and establish a reaction.

The point itself is neither here nor there, quite often.

It's the whole Katie Hopkins thing, with an 'Oh I'm so polite and genuine' overtone to it.

Dawn thank you so much.

Sam!!!

and back to the OP
why don't you just ask for the other group room to be unlocked

I think respect for each other is required at all times, Anastasie, so I do see your point there.

There are any combination of Special Needs/NT kids with varying gradients down the parenting continuum.

We can't control other people - but we do have the ability to control our own choices/responses to any situation.

A lot of people make negative judgements about that situation By choosing to reframe our own responses in a more empathetic way - we can actually make the world a nicer place. (cue bluebirds and rainbows) We live in society - not in individual bubbles.

Nabootique my reason for thinking maybe sn is because its a joint family/disabled changing room.

My first thoughts were the 8yo had SN of some kind, as my DC with ASD and sensory issues would wait for a particular room/space as she has to follow the same routine every week, and can't cope with loud noises etc. I can also imagine my DC saying "finally!" as she has no idea that other people have needs, she is only concerned with her own.

This post has reminded me to post on the SN board to get advice about what to say when you know your child appears rude, it's awful being the parent on the other side of that and not knowing what to say. The poster who suggested talking to the parent of the 8yo to ask if there's an issue is very sensible!

And I can see why you would think that, Samcro, but my point is that it could also be that the child just liked that changing room and was sulking and being rude about not getting it. Both points of view are valid as we just don't know. I'm not saying you were dismissive of the latter possibility by the way.