To think that going out with the "girls" isn't the B all and end all and that maybe these people need to grow up and stop dumping their kids on people so that they can go out and get drunk!

[Suzi78]

Just that really. I have shall we say aquaintences on Facebook who I've known from various places, work, college, school etc and their posts are full of nights out, holidays, lunches etc and this is all they seem to care about. There are four women in particular, three of whom are single parents (if you can call it that) and the other is married. There Facebook feeds are all about how they can't wait to dump the kids on their fathers at the weekend as they can't wait to go clubbing, to parties, concerts etc etc, but are dreading their hangovers the next day!

Now I know that everyone is entitled to a bit of me time and shouldn't be begrudged a night out but with these women it's every single week! Three of them don't even work so I don't know how they afford to go out every week as well as buying a new outfit, getting their hair done weekly, manicures etc.
As far a I'm concerned (before anyone suggests it, and I know that they will) I'm not jealous, I'm relitively happy with my life and could chose to go out every weekend if I wanted to as I have enough friends who socialise in different circles and I'm always invited to go out, but I work all week, my children go to after school club so weekends are for family time. Now I know that people do things differently and whilst that's all good I don't know how these women can just dump their kids every week not spend any time with them and spend their money on goog out when their kids need things first. I know I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I dot care, I think it's disgrace, a parent is supposed to put her kids before everything (within reason) and clearly these women don't give a damn and would rather spend their time getting drunk on nights out than with their child and spend money on flashy clothes and haircuts rather than on their children, AIBU to think this is kind of sad?

You are irritated by their lifestyle choices enough to make a very irate OP about it, it does come across as envy despite your assurance that you're not.

Were you expecting validation from the majority of posters?

Sorry, I am pretty right wing, but even I know single mothers on benefits aren't living the life of Riley going out all the time and tanning and getting nails these days. If you told me that in 2007 I would have believed you but not now. And if they can afford to because the Dad's paying a good level of maintenance enough for them to have a good night out so what? If they were a good mother the rest of the time I'd be happy they got to let off steam and have some adult company while I got to spend quality time with my child.

Yeah but you obviously have issues, even if they're not based around jealousy. The fact that you not only judge other women, but feel the need to share that judgement on here proves that. I don't understand how you think that it's ok to do this in any way. You obviously also don't think you're being unreasonable - which defies the whole point of posting on AIBU. If you never had any intention of having your opinion debated, taken apart and even having your mind changed on the matter, what was the point? Just to brag about how morally superior you are?

Yes me and dh obviously get alone time, and we see friends etc. But we actually go out out as in a fancy meal, restaurant, theatre probably twice a year! The rest of the time we have friends round for dinner or I have my friends round for drinks whilst dh goes to pub with his friends, but we defitnely have friends round more than we go on big nights out as like I so as I don't like to impose on family and are friends don't have a big family like us so rarely get time away.

Have you been on one of these nights out, OP?

Do you think that the people involved might be exaggerating at all??

I mean you are talking FB here!

I think it's normal for single mums to go out more because they are single. They also often do alternate weekends with xp giving them the opportunity and the prospect of otherwise spending the weekend alone

Until recently DH and I had a very similar social life to yours. We entertained at home when the DCs were there on we went round to other people's houses and took the DCs with us. We occasionally went "out" out but due to extreme tiredness from working all week and limited funds we didn't go out very much at all.

The difference is I had absolutely no issue with what anyone else did and how they conducted their social lives.

Now DCs are older DH and I are enjoying going out with mates to pubs, gigs and restaurants till the wee small hours (not clubs, cannot stand them and never could). I would be horrified if anyone of my circle thought they could judge my social life or how I spend money.

Butt out OP, it's got fuck all to do with you.

But what is so wrong with spending time with yourself? And what is wrong with having friends round for food and few drinks, surely single parents are capable of this. Rather than going out getting trashed and then having a major hangover the next day when the kids are due home.

how is your dh going to the pub and 'dumping' the kids on you any different to what you are judging?

There's NOTHING wrong with it. Just as there's NOTHING wrong with their choice. It's THEIR choice. What about that don't you get?

I feel the need to "escape my kids" so much because 6/7 days I am the only one there. I work, I parent, I do the house and everything in it, my eldest has ASD. Parenting is hard work unless you're blessed with Angels and a perfect marriage.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time without your children. They can be hard work, and exhausting.

It doesn't matter what they chose to do, it's nothing to do with you.

They want to go out and get trashed, their choice.

Why are you failing to grasp that we all do things differently?

You don't have to go on a big night out spending loads of money and getting hammered to enjoy yourself you know!

But they do do other things too. They have their hair and nails done and go shopping and out for lunch

So lets say they were doing something worthy, attending a talk at the local library, or helping out at a soup kitchen or even going to a friends house for dinner (which seems to be somehow acceptable) then they are still out so what's the difference? Why they shouldn't be out at all is as unclear as why they should only be out if they don't drink.

Oh, I've just got it. It's because they are vulgar, isn't it.

I go out and get trashed on 3 glasses of wine with a hangover, I have friends over for dinner all the time and I have lots of me time, a great balance I would say. Happy mum = happy kids who are really sociable and friendly just like me.

So you like having friends round, other people like nights out, other people like nights in, some people spend every weekend at festivals in the summer, some people like sports, some people's social life revolves around their church etc etc.

Why do you care?

*choose

Odfod

I have my friends round for drinks whilst dh goes to pub with his friends

So he just dumps his kids and goes drinking with his mates

Yeah, the OP's DH is a selfish skank HamaTime she really should LTB.

OP do you have a background like mine where as a child you encountered alcoholism?

I don't care if people go out boozing and clubbing but I would rather go for a tooth extraction than 'out, out'. But that's because going out past say 2230 of an evening means I will encounter more than one very very drunk person.

It does skew how you see things. But really i know it's me with the issue as the majority do not see things as I do. I do think parents should spend more time with their kids, but that's because I grew up not being wanted and I think I over compensate now with my own. And if you had that start to life too I wouldn't blame you feeling as you do.

What a sanctimonious series of posts, OP. Why are you even Facebook friends with people that you obviously despise? Why are you wasting time on here? Get back to being a mummy martyr, why don't you

There's a lot of talk of burdening other people with your children. My PIL would seriously have the kids full time if we'd let them, they absolutely adore them. Allowing children to bond with other family members while you let your hair down in whatever way you want is win win.
Do these people a favour and delete them, you are no friend.

None of your beeswax, op! Let it go.....

He only "dumps" the kids on me and goes to the pub when I have friends (girls) round for food/drinks and very often my friends have brought their children along too, to play with our children, so think what you like.