Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that going out with the "girls" isn't the B all and end all and that maybe these people need to grow up and stop dumping their kids on people so that they can go out and get drunk!

438 replies

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 15:28

Just that really. I have shall we say aquaintences on Facebook who I've known from various places, work, college, school etc and their posts are full of nights out, holidays, lunches etc and this is all they seem to care about. There are four women in particular, three of whom are single parents (if you can call it that) and the other is married. There Facebook feeds are all about how they can't wait to dump the kids on their fathers at the weekend as they can't wait to go clubbing, to parties, concerts etc etc, but are dreading their hangovers the next day!

Now I know that everyone is entitled to a bit of me time and shouldn't be begrudged a night out but with these women it's every single week! Three of them don't even work so I don't know how they afford to go out every week as well as buying a new outfit, getting their hair done weekly, manicures etc.
As far a I'm concerned (before anyone suggests it, and I know that they will) I'm not jealous, I'm relitively happy with my life and could chose to go out every weekend if I wanted to as I have enough friends who socialise in different circles and I'm always invited to go out, but I work all week, my children go to after school club so weekends are for family time. Now I know that people do things differently and whilst that's all good I don't know how these women can just dump their kids every week not spend any time with them and spend their money on goog out when their kids need things first. I know I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I dot care, I think it's disgrace, a parent is supposed to put her kids before everything (within reason) and clearly these women don't give a damn and would rather spend their time getting drunk on nights out than with their child and spend money on flashy clothes and haircuts rather than on their children, AIBU to think this is kind of sad?

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 03/10/2015 16:35

I'd imagine these women who don't work but go out on the weekend feel they get all the family time their children need during the week. They may well be judging you for the fact your poor little darlings are rotting in an after school club being brought up by someone else whilst you put your career first and not your children first.

Disclaimer: These are not my views on working parents, after school clubs etc but it highlights how the blinkered judgy attitude doesn't feel so good when its directed at you.

EatShitDerek · 03/10/2015 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 03/10/2015 16:37

Right as I got shouted at on another thread a while ago, many of my friends are single parents, one impartitar literally turned up at her exs house went you have the kids I'm going out with my brother and went out with her secret boyfriend who she'd been seeing before her marriage was over - that is dumping your kids on their dad.
Going out with friends while the kids are on access, erm no, what are your friends meant to do while their on access OP? Parents should put their kids before everything yes children generally have two parents, it's not just the mothers that should put them first! I really don't see the problem with your friends using prearranged access time as social time!

I don't get it and just because you chose not to use a babysitter doesn't mean no one else in the world should, you don't have to be with your kids 24/7 especially when you've got their father and grandparents willing to help!

In fact including the marriage I mentioned earlier I've seen two marriages collapse because they didn't have time for each other just the kids, or time with their friends! Now both parents get time with the children and time with their new partners and their friends when it was adult time.

As a kid going to grandmas for a sleep over was amazing, it was exciting and different, even having a babysitter meant some one else read me a story, we had different food. I never felt like my mum had abandoned me!

As for school and after school clubs, do you think it might be activities the children themselves enjoy and want to do again not dumping the kids at all just making time for the children to explore who they are and what they like!

Are you meant to pick your children up from school and keep them with you 24/7

Sorry yes totally YABU

laffymeal · 03/10/2015 16:37

Why are you so terrified of being apart from your children OP? They grow up you know, pretty soon they won't want to spend very much time with you at all. And you and DH are going to sit there with the tumbleweed bouncing through your front room and not have a clue how to interact with each other.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 03/10/2015 16:39

Good lord, your life sounds boring Suzi. Even when you have the 'girls' around, they bring the kids along, whilst your husband gets to enjoy the pub? You are either living 50 years behind the rest of us or you're just being goady and sanctimonious.

Rebecca2014 · 03/10/2015 16:39

Seriously why does it matter to you what these women do? how is it effecting your life? they are going out when their children are with their fathers, so hardly dumping them.

I am a single mum and you do get used to some of the pathetic attitudes like the op has. I tend to laugh as it shows how pitiful their own life is to judge someone else's just because they have children.

OP sounds like a very jealous bitter old woman. I wonder how old she is?

ghostyslovesheep · 03/10/2015 16:39

wow and these women are your friends? do they know how much you hate them?

I'd suggest keeping your beak out and get on with your own ideal family orientated no adult fun ever life :)

AuntieStella · 03/10/2015 16:40

"But what is so wrong with spending time with yourself? And what is wrong with having friends round for food and few drinks, surely single parents are capable of this."

nothing whatsoever if that is what you like to do

But really crappy if you want to be doing something else. On a par with you being forced to go to the most raucous club imaginable every other weekend because that's someone else's idea of a good thing to do.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 03/10/2015 16:41

Oh, but please don't hand your kids over to family members. I remember how awful it was, being dumped on my grandparents. They force-fed me cake, and let me watch all the tv I wanted. It was traumatising for all involved.

ghostyslovesheep · 03/10/2015 16:41

and yes I am a single mum - I've just dumped my kids on their dad Hmm - it's called access - tonight I will be doing the ironing in my PJ's watching Doctor Who - I may have a glass of wine - rock and fucking roll

laffymeal · 03/10/2015 16:42

Good for you ghosty, pretty sure you will have met with the OP's approval. Just replace "wine" with "decaffinated tea" and you could be her best mate.

AccidentalNameChange · 03/10/2015 16:43

Flowers MrsG Sad

I hope you're ok now.

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 16:43

I don't need a night out "love" I can go out whenever the hell i like, I have a dh at home and don't have to wait for the weekend to "dump" my kids on my ex, the difference is I don't feel the need to escape my kids.

OP posts:
laffymeal · 03/10/2015 16:44

...they might feel the need to escape you.

BlueBlueBelles · 03/10/2015 16:44

Why is your DH having the kids ok, but a single parents ex having them is them being "dumped on"????

I seriously don't get the difference?!

HamaTime · 03/10/2015 16:44

He only "dumps" the kids on me and goes to the pub when I have friends (girls) round for food/drinks and very often my friends have brought their children along too, to play with our children, so think what you like.

So neither you are your DH ever go out unless there are back up adults in the house even though you

enjoy your own company
Have friends who you go out with sometimes
Have friends who invite you over for dinner

Confused

I will think what I like, thanks. What I think is you think they are common. You may be right but why be so sneery and pretend it's a 'putting your children first' issue when really it's a 'I have so recently escaped the lower orders and am terrified of sliding back down that I will distance myself as much as possible' issue?

anothernumberone · 03/10/2015 16:44

He only dumps the kids on me and goes to the pub when I have friends round for food/drinks and very often my friends have brought their children along too

This could all be the same at these children's father's houses for all you know. You do just sound goady and sanctimonious and tbh I doubt this attitude really exists outside Stepford so I think this is just BS and shit stirring for the sake of it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/10/2015 16:45

Irate.
Judgy
Jealous
Sanctimonious.
Loathes Single Mothers who enjoy a weekend night out..

I think that covers Suzi.

BlueBlueBelles · 03/10/2015 16:45

They aren't babysitting after all. They are parenting their own children.

You can't parent together in the same house playing happy families when you're divorced for fucks sake

So you parent separately.

HamaTime · 03/10/2015 16:46

MrsGentlyBenevolent Flowers

I had a similar experience. It still affects me.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 03/10/2015 16:46

How other people spend their social time is well none of your business single parents or not!

You like staying in having dinners with your friends having the kids come over that's great again spent much of my childhood with my mum doing this and nothing better than going round to my single parent friends (the one I mentioned in my other post) having giggle, seeing the kids play, but I also know now on access weekends she likes going out with a few of our friends and her boyfriend and having a few too many. She knows the kids are safe their with their dad and his wife having the time of their lives. Often just sitting around with his family, doing what you describe.

My point is there's acplace for both, just dos you don't like the going out option, doesn't mean they have too, and vice versa they might like the dinner and chat, but their not judging you for doing it, you shouldn't judge them!

laffymeal · 03/10/2015 16:46

I'm waiting for her to go frothing berserker...it's coming, I can feel it Grin

BlueBlueBelles · 03/10/2015 16:47

Let's hope your Dh never leaves you OP. You don't get a choice about leaving your kids then. Not a fucking choice. Shared custody, access, arrangements etc, they'd seriously screw up your wonderful ideals.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/10/2015 16:47

frothing berserker I like that Grin.

10
9
8
7...........

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 16:48

I know that children grow up, my eldest is a teenager and comes and goes as he pleases working reason and he certainly doesn't feel smothered, he's a good kid and is as far as I'm aware very happy. My youngest two just so happen to love my friends coming round as they bring their kids along and you low what?.....we hardly see them all night, they're upstairs watching films and playing games whilst me and my friends have a few glasses of wine and have a good gossip. Sorry if that doesn't sound like fun to some of you but I love it.

OP posts: