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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that going out with the "girls" isn't the B all and end all and that maybe these people need to grow up and stop dumping their kids on people so that they can go out and get drunk!

438 replies

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 15:28

Just that really. I have shall we say aquaintences on Facebook who I've known from various places, work, college, school etc and their posts are full of nights out, holidays, lunches etc and this is all they seem to care about. There are four women in particular, three of whom are single parents (if you can call it that) and the other is married. There Facebook feeds are all about how they can't wait to dump the kids on their fathers at the weekend as they can't wait to go clubbing, to parties, concerts etc etc, but are dreading their hangovers the next day!

Now I know that everyone is entitled to a bit of me time and shouldn't be begrudged a night out but with these women it's every single week! Three of them don't even work so I don't know how they afford to go out every week as well as buying a new outfit, getting their hair done weekly, manicures etc.
As far a I'm concerned (before anyone suggests it, and I know that they will) I'm not jealous, I'm relitively happy with my life and could chose to go out every weekend if I wanted to as I have enough friends who socialise in different circles and I'm always invited to go out, but I work all week, my children go to after school club so weekends are for family time. Now I know that people do things differently and whilst that's all good I don't know how these women can just dump their kids every week not spend any time with them and spend their money on goog out when their kids need things first. I know I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I dot care, I think it's disgrace, a parent is supposed to put her kids before everything (within reason) and clearly these women don't give a damn and would rather spend their time getting drunk on nights out than with their child and spend money on flashy clothes and haircuts rather than on their children, AIBU to think this is kind of sad?

OP posts:
Snossidge · 03/10/2015 15:39

Single parents are supposed to let their kids see the other parent you know Suzi - what is it you expect them to do, sit and pine until the kids come back?

cuntycowfacemonkey · 03/10/2015 15:39

And unless it's a three day bender I'm guessing they do actually see their kids at some point? Also if the children are going to their fathers what exactly should they be doing whilst the kids aren't there. Seriously it is possible to have a life outside your kids annd you know actually still love your kids.

You have issues OP

coffeetasteslikeshit · 03/10/2015 15:40

So when their kids have gone to their dad's for the weekend, are these women supposed to stay in by themselves (like they do for the rest of the week once the kids are in bed)? I really don't see what is wrong with a night out with friends if the alternative is Saturday night tv by yourself.

Inkanta · 03/10/2015 15:40

Oh dear - you are getting flamed.

A weekly pub crawl is something that has never appealed to me. It's not my idea of fun I must admit.

Scoobydoo8 · 03/10/2015 15:40

I grew out of boozy nights out at about 25. It amazes me that people want to do it every weekend. But each to their own.

YouTheCat · 03/10/2015 15:40

You don't choose to go out every week.

They do.

None of your business really. Would you be up in arms about their fathers going out when they didn't have the kids? I doubt it.

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2015 15:40

I'm surprised you can bring yourself to 'dump' your kids in after school club

Doesn't that knot your martyr knickers somewhat?

MrsEvadneCake · 03/10/2015 15:40

Nope you just parent differently. If you don't like their posts delete them and move on.

Snossidge · 03/10/2015 15:40

I thought these children were with their dads? How are the mums supposed to stay in and see their kids if they aren't there?

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 15:40

No, their kids are at school and after school club all week whisky they sit at home (bar the one woman I mentioned who actually works). These women their friends during the week when their kids are at school, they go out for lunch, shopping etc but then are out all weekend as well. One woman in particular is in serious debt (I know this because she has surprisingly posted about it) yet she is out every weekend, oh and her kids walk round looking like no body owns them (they go to my kids school) yet she is walking round in "posh" clothes and designer bags!

OP posts:
Wadingthroughsoup · 03/10/2015 15:41

Horses for courses, surely? I have quite a lot of acquaintances who enjoy going out 'with the girls' and having a lot to drink on an almost weekly basis. Sometimes I even get invited along too but I would rather stick needles in my eyes so I stay at home and read books/eat chocolate/wander around on the Internet. If they post girls' night photos on FB, they don't interest me much so I scroll on by. But they're still friends and I enjoy chatting to them or seeing them in different circumstances.

If you don't like these people, why are you friends with them on FB?

SoDiana · 03/10/2015 15:42

When mum is happy, children are happy

Snossidge · 03/10/2015 15:42

OK, so now these are women who neglect their kids while getting in to loads of debt buying childcare they don't need and posh clothes?

LemonPied · 03/10/2015 15:43

But, and I mean this in the most polite way, what in the fuck does any of it have to do with you?

Liomsa · 03/10/2015 15:43

From what you've said, three of these women have children with ex-partners. Who presumably, as NRPs, need and want to see their children regularly - in what way is leaving your child with his/her other parent 'dumping' them? Are your gender politics as reactionary as your ideas about how often women with children are allowed to go out, according to you? Don't parents with penises count?

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 15:46

Two of these women (both single parents and don't work) don't just leave their kids with their ex's though. They rely heavily on their parents, sisters etc to pick their kids up from school as they are too "busy" during the week at the nail/hair salon or are out "lunching" habing a few drinks and then can't drive to their kids schools. So it's not just a case of letting their hair down of a weekend.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/10/2015 15:46

So if your kids went for weekend contact with their Dad, you'd just stay home sewing and batch cooking, would you OP?

Your life must be a laugh a minute...

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2015 15:48

Noooo! Shock

These kids are spending time with their grandparents and aunts now too, as well as their fathers???

The utter cheek of it!

This is broken Britain

Lock those women in the workhouse immediately

Snossidge · 03/10/2015 15:48

How awful for those poor children to have close relationships with their extended family.

Why on earth do you care how vague acquaintances spend their time? I don't put this much thought into who picks my friends kids up from school Confused

laffymeal · 03/10/2015 15:50

Lol, what's the postcode for Stepford op?

MrsEvadneCake · 03/10/2015 15:51

Oi Worra I would kill for a day minus DC so I could batch cook and crochet. !! I might actually be organised then Grin

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 15:51

No, I'm not saying that but considering I don't chose to go out all the time now getting drunk with friends (even though I can) I doubt that I'd suddnely start going out every weekend I me and dh were suddnely to separate, I like my own company and I'm not scared of being alone as enjoying my own company. None the less I have friends who go out but not every weekend and I have friends who rarely go out but quite happily invite me round to their house for food and drinks and likewise they come to my house and that's great. You don't have to go on a big night out spending loads of money and getting hammered to enjoy yourself you know!

OP posts:
laffymeal · 03/10/2015 15:52

It's probably just as well you like your own company OP, I doubt many others would.

fastdaytears · 03/10/2015 15:53

Has this really been bothering you?

You say that you choose to spend your time with your kids. That's great, but you say it's because you want to. These other mothers (if you accept that we can call them that), want to go out and get pretty and hammered. It's not for me (well the nails is just not the big nights out) but what are they doing wrong?

If the kids are being left home with fraying electrical leads to chew on and no adult supervision call SS. Otherwise I suggest you find something else to worry yourself about.

Obs2015 · 03/10/2015 15:54

Ha ha ha.
You are so judgemental. And I don't agree with children coming first - you are the martyr type that makes children these days so self entitled.

My children are only one member of our family. Without me and dh, they wouldn't have a unit to be part of, would they? Dh is as important, so am I, as any other member.

Plus, why are your kids in childcare, if you are such a virtue of parenting?

I love going out with my friends. I try to do it as much as possible. I should do it even more than I do!!
You wouldn't like me. I love drinking, only work part time, and my kids are barely in childcare - in fact youngest asked me last week if I could work more, so he could go to holiday club more, coz he loves it so much. Ha ha!!