To think that going out with the "girls" isn't the B all and end all and that maybe these people need to grow up and stop dumping their kids on people so that they can go out and get drunk!

[Suzi78]

Just that really. I have shall we say aquaintences on Facebook who I've known from various places, work, college, school etc and their posts are full of nights out, holidays, lunches etc and this is all they seem to care about. There are four women in particular, three of whom are single parents (if you can call it that) and the other is married. There Facebook feeds are all about how they can't wait to dump the kids on their fathers at the weekend as they can't wait to go clubbing, to parties, concerts etc etc, but are dreading their hangovers the next day!

Now I know that everyone is entitled to a bit of me time and shouldn't be begrudged a night out but with these women it's every single week! Three of them don't even work so I don't know how they afford to go out every week as well as buying a new outfit, getting their hair done weekly, manicures etc.
As far a I'm concerned (before anyone suggests it, and I know that they will) I'm not jealous, I'm relitively happy with my life and could chose to go out every weekend if I wanted to as I have enough friends who socialise in different circles and I'm always invited to go out, but I work all week, my children go to after school club so weekends are for family time. Now I know that people do things differently and whilst that's all good I don't know how these women can just dump their kids every week not spend any time with them and spend their money on goog out when their kids need things first. I know I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I dot care, I think it's disgrace, a parent is supposed to put her kids before everything (within reason) and clearly these women don't give a damn and would rather spend their time getting drunk on nights out than with their child and spend money on flashy clothes and haircuts rather than on their children, AIBU to think this is kind of sad?

You don't have to go on a big night out spending loads of money and getting hammered to enjoy yourself you know!

110% agree. I love a night in with friend and pizza (or even better just the pizza). But not everyone does. Some people are weird and like uncomfortable shoes and other people's sweat. It's their choice.

op their will always be negative comments on a place like mn i would just suggest forget what other people are doing with their lives and do what you do

Of course children should have a relationship with their extended family, it's actually kind of ridiculous to suggest otherwise, but that doesn't mean that close relatives should be taken advantage of by having a person's children all the time. I have a huge family, lots of brothers, sisters, sils, bils, aunts, uncles etc and they all mither to have our kids and whilst they do, I will not impose on them by allowing them to babysit every weekend so that I or me and dh can go out.

I don't agree that parents shouldn't go out and have a good time.

What really annoys me though, is when people think it's very simple to go out when you have children. When I was 22 a lot of my work colleagues were childless and I had a 1 year old. We had all started at the same time as it was a new store opening and they were all late teens/early twenties so liked going out a lot. I remember being called "boring" for not joining them, and they couldn't fathom why I couldn't just find a spare 30 quid for a night out . I had a house to run and a child to feed so it really wasn't that simple. Tbh I didn't want to go out with them anyway.

I love going out for a meal/ for some drinks/ to the cinema/ out for lunch/ shopping for something nice and having a bit of child free time whether that's with DH or with friends. I bet most parents do! But we all know that we will only do this if a) There is someone responsible looking after the kids and b) If we can afford it!
There will be a few selfish parents out there who put their social lives first in every case, but most of us only go out and do these nice things when it's appropriate to do so!

So to sum up the OP is happy with her life choices and the other women are happy with theirs? Blimey what is the world coming to?

You don't have to go on a big night out spending loads of money and getting hammered to enjoy yourself you know!

Thanks for that OP, good to hear you approve of some ways of having a 'good time'.

You do things your way, these women do things their way.

Is it the 'getting hammered' or the 'spending loads of money' bit that really bothers you, OP? Because I don't drink, but I guarantee my idea of a good night out - a decent seat at the opera - costs way more than your friends' drinks.

(((Runs in under a flameproof suit)))

Ah OP I'm going to say that I do know what you mean and I have seen it myself on my FB with people I know. I also have thought when I see the same people week in week out who don't work checking in at places lunchtime for a nice meal, then having a tan, nails or hair done ready to 'parrrrrtay' at the weekend, then getting friends or relatives to pick the children up from school, have the children overnight etc then checking in at the pub.

I've analysed why I feel like I do an I have realised that to be honest I'm envious! I work full time and don't have any family nearby I can rely on for help at all. To be honest I'd LOVE it if I could do the same now and again. Are you feeling the same maybe?

The thing is with Facebook is you only see the nice things they do, they don't check in at 2am when the kids are awake or when they are wiping bottoms, cooking the tea or doing the other 101 tedious jobs that we all know come with having children.

As long as the children aren't being neglected in any way then I think it's fine, live and let live. As long as you are happy in the way you do things then try and live by this motto. You'll be happier for it

OP, can you not understand that different people enjoy different things?

Personally, the idea of going out, even occasionally, doesn't really appeal to me any more. But I wouldn't begrudge anyone else going out when they want to.

Don't try and portray me as one of those mothers, seriously do not! My children are not at all entitled, they are such good kids, they really are. I don't wrap them up in cotton wool, they do chores and help around the house, I'd they want something (apart from at Xmas and birthdays) they have to earn it. My eldest has a paper round on a Saturday morning, my other child helps me out with the housework, they work hard at school and rarely ask for anything, so you can run along with your theory!

Keep going. In a minute you're going to start frothing about their low necklines and short skirts. And unsuitable boyfriends.

Being a single parent, who's children go to their other parent on a weekend is very different to your situation OP.

When I was married I was happy with the odd night out, most evenings in with my husband or family stuff

Then he walked out. And had the kids 4pm Saturday to 4pm sunday every week.

I would go out every Saturday night. Why not? I was single, my kids were happy with their dad, what was I meant to do? Sit at home and pray?

And no offence but being a lone parent in the week is fucking hard work. I've been known to mention how much I'm looking forward to the kids going to their dads on a weekend so I can relax.

Stop being so judgy. What they do has absolutely no impact on your life. Just because they enjoy a night off, or plans in the week does not make them a bad parent.

My mum often does pick ups from school. I go for a run or shopping. She wants to spend time with her GC. I love the chance for an hour on my own.

I see

So it's ok for them to go out now and again when they don't have their kids

It's ok for them to go to friend's houses now and again for a drink when they don't have their kids.

But its apparently not ok for them to have a big night out regularly, when they don't have their kids

What did they say when you told your 'friends' this?

Wait, you have actually told them your judgement, haven't you?

I mean you would never just keep them on your friend list so you can judge them silently, and then run to mumsnet to slag them off...

So because you prefer to spend your free time in a particular way being a goady judgemental fucker then every other mother should be the same? I assume it's okay for fathers to go out for a few drinks I suspect yours would love to

OP, it is FUCK ALL to do with you how these women spend their time. Anyway, what are you doing on mumsnet? Isn't this time that you should be spending annoying bonding with your dc?

Stop kidding yourself that you're not jealous OP, its making you horribly angry and probably quite unhappy, by the sounds of it.

Personally I can't see why anyone would give two hoots what three other women (whom they seemingly don't like very much anyway) did with their spare time. So you don't like going out - so what? If these women do and they have the free time then why on earth should that bother you?
Everyone is entitled to think nasty judgey thoughts op but if it is seriously bothering you enough to write an actual post on mumsnet about it then that says more about you than it does about them.

Why's it just the mums you reserve your vitriol for?

What about the dads?

Oh and my youngest two children are in childcare (after school only) because both me and dh work full time! I've worked part time for the last five years so that I could be around my kids whilst they were really young. I went full time this year as we needed to move to a bigger house and surprisingly along with a bigger house comes a bigger mortgage, and to afford that we needed to bring more money into the house. So judge me as you like, but we have never allowed family to be inconvenienced by depending on them for regular childcare, we've done everything on our own and we are proud of that. Our children aren't scared for life for having to sped the next few years attending after school club for a whopping 1 and half hours and they are happy because we are happy.

But but why would you care?

Why seriously? My life is far too busy to care a flying fuck how other people socialise.

Personally I love a hot bath, pjs, a bottle of wine and snuggling up to my dh and the dog watching crap on tv.

But I really couldn't care how other people get their kicks or care one jot how they judge me.

Is this you on a raunchy Saturday night with your friends, OP?

Same people always moan about government cutbacks and being on the breadline yet drink their body weight in wine each weekend.

So to sum up; people who don't do it like the OP does it, and don't like doing what the OP likes doing, and like doing things the OP doesn't like doing, are wrong.

Oh my

Agree with worra, what did you 'friends' say when you told them your views?

"a parent is supposed to put her kids before everything"

Yes, and ensuring that the DC has a relationship with both parents after separation is an important part of that.

I can't fault one parent for enjoying non-child related stuff when the child is with the other. Because if they weren't going out, the alternative isn't more 'family time' (as DC are with a different branch of the family), it's sitting at home alone.

They probably aren't sharing the details of contact arrangements on FB. But that doesn't mean they consider them unimportant.