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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being PFB? Watching films at nursery

183 replies

MonkeyPJs · 28/09/2015 09:37

AIBU and PFB? Need a reality check here ... Grin

PFB is almost 4, and at nursery they have decided to have a "film" day later in the week when all of the children watch a film together. I asked what films, they said maybe the Lion King.

Before I could think it through, I asked them not to show the middle section where Mufasa dies. While PFB loves the Lion King, I made the decision not to show that section about a year ago after PFB got very very upset about the idea of me or DH dying, and parental mortality in films (Nemo, Frozen etc) does really affect them. Death is something I get a lot of questions about, and PFB has had nightmares about. I don't want that part of the film shown in a situation where I can't be there to explain it.

I know now I should just watch the whole thing with PFB beside me to explain it, but don't have time before film day.

Am I being terribly PFB? It all just came out to the nursery teacher, and I walked away feeling like that parent .. Blush

OP posts:
Bellebella · 28/09/2015 09:39

Yes very much pfb!

Sighing · 28/09/2015 09:43

Yes. PFB. If it helps the psychoanalysis of mythic stories suggests that being able to be attached to a 'hero' who goes through traumatic things gives us part of our framework for coping in the future.
You can believe it or not.

Original poster
MonkeyPJs · 28/09/2015 09:44

I had wondered Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
MonkeyPJs · 28/09/2015 09:45

I like that point about mythic stories, sighing

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/09/2015 09:46

Pfb, sorry. Don't expect the nursery to miss out the scene because you asked. It's one parent out of an entire class. Perhaps try to find time to talk to your ds?

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 09:46

Oh god. Yes pfb. Lots of kids films show the mortality of close people not just parents. Might help him with it better to watch it with his peers.

Hellocampers · 28/09/2015 09:49

Totally understand your worries op and desire to protect your baby but you know you can't possibly say anything don't you? Grin

He will be fine.

ReallyTired · 28/09/2015 09:49

I don't think that children should be watching films at nursery. Its gawd damn lazy teaching.

Children are surprising reliant with films. In real life people die. My daughter was in pieces last week at the age of six because our elderly neighbour has died. She is more upset about the friendly neighbour dying than a pretend film.

Original poster
MonkeyPJs · 28/09/2015 09:51

I shall have to slink back in tomorrow and recant I think, lest I become the parent that the teachers all complain about Grin

OP posts:
reni2 · 28/09/2015 09:52

Yes, pfb. Nursery nurses will have heard it all though so won't laugh for more than a couple of days about it.

Dawndonnaagain · 28/09/2015 09:52

It's very normal for children to worry about these this, up until about the age of eight. You will just have to keep explaining things. Stories/Films are a safe way for children to understand these concepts.

LittleRedSparkle · 28/09/2015 09:53

friends.wikia.com/wiki/The_One_Where_Old_Yeller_Dies

When Monica, Richard, Ross and Rachel are watching Old Yeller, Phoebe finds out that her mother never showed her the ends of sad movies to shield her from the pain, "you know, that was before she killed herself". Phoebe rents all the movies her mother didn't let her see, which really upsets her, because all the movies have sad endings

just saying.......

(at which point will pfb be allowed to watch the whole film )

twirlypoo · 28/09/2015 09:55

I actually welcome a film day (to the pp who said it was lazy teaching!) DS is 3.5 and bloody knackered with nursery starting back up. I want him to be there but a chilled few hours watching a film would do him the world of good. When he's 18 his A level results won't have suffered for it!

ReallyTired · 28/09/2015 10:09

I still think having a film day is lazy teaching. The nursery nurses can sit on their fanny and not interact with the children.

Life is more than bloody A-level results. Its a beautiful day here and small children should be out playing. Maybe going on the slide or monkey bars will make no difference to A-level results, but it will make the child healthier. Nursery is about development of social skills rather than watching TV.

My daughter at the age of four went to school nursery. They had learning walks where they did stuff like looking at different shapes in the school grounds. On a cold wet day they visited the school office and then they did role play pretending to have a "school office" in the nursery. They practiced their drawing, pretended to write or make pretend cakes out of playdough. The children also spent a lot of time just playing.

Many chidlren spend up to six hours infront of a screen. Pre schoolers do not need screen time.

www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3015293/Children-spent-six-hours-DAY-screens-likely-watch-shows-tablet-TV.html

Or if they are going to go on the computer it should be a structured activity with a definate purpose. They can watch lion king at home if the parent chooses.

TheNewStatesman · 28/09/2015 10:13

I agree--lazy teaching. Actually, not teaching at all.

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/09/2015 10:19

I understand where you're coming from but I would find it rather PFB, yes.

My mother died when DS1 was 2.9 and we had a conversation about death and going to heaven etc then. Death is an inescapable part of life and children in general need to know about it so they're not doubly terrified later. I can tell you from bitter experience that NOT discussing death and people who have died is far worse.

However it is good that you told nursery your child worries about such things, as now they can make sure he has a blanket or something to cover his head with at scary parts - or maybe he could sit in his keyworker's lap.

Theycallmemellowjello · 28/09/2015 10:35

No, this is not PFB. I would not hesitate to raise this. Nursery is very young to be showing this. I got read a book about a badger who dies aged around 4, to explain the death of a teacher in school, and I cried every night for a long time. Death can affect some children very profoundly, and I think if you have doubts they're probably well founded.

kinkytoes · 28/09/2015 10:43

I'd feel the same as you I think OP. Surely there are more appropriate films for four year olds than the Lion King?

00100001 · 28/09/2015 10:45

you'd have to cut out a lot of Lion King to get rid of the sad bits!

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 10:45

Somebody gotta say this. ... bambi mum got shot. Snow whites stepmother sent a huntsman for her and poisoned her food. Maleficent roofied aurora with a spinning wheel, pinoccio was child trafficked and sold, aladin was a homeless street boy, belle had a controlling and abusive bf who kep her locked in a castle till she changed him, Oliver was an illegal immigrant caught up in petty street crime and teller got the rabies

WE ARE ALL FINE!!!!!

00100001 · 28/09/2015 10:46

I don't htink Oliver was an illegal immigrant.

Just a runaway orphan

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 10:52

Who got on a boat to another country. My son who is 3 has just reminded me about ariel and ursula, the rescuers, all dogs to to heaven and the black cauldron (during the add break on red bull x fighters)

multivac · 28/09/2015 10:55

Who got on a boat to another country

Did someone cut a chapter or two out of my copy of the book?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/09/2015 10:56

The Lion King isn't suitable for four year olds? For real? Ridiculous.

reni2 · 28/09/2015 10:58

Surely there are more appropriate films for four year olds than the Lion King?

It's a U movie in the UK, mildest possible, meaning suitable for all.