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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being PFB? Watching films at nursery

183 replies

MonkeyPJs · 28/09/2015 09:37

AIBU and PFB? Need a reality check here ... Grin

PFB is almost 4, and at nursery they have decided to have a "film" day later in the week when all of the children watch a film together. I asked what films, they said maybe the Lion King.

Before I could think it through, I asked them not to show the middle section where Mufasa dies. While PFB loves the Lion King, I made the decision not to show that section about a year ago after PFB got very very upset about the idea of me or DH dying, and parental mortality in films (Nemo, Frozen etc) does really affect them. Death is something I get a lot of questions about, and PFB has had nightmares about. I don't want that part of the film shown in a situation where I can't be there to explain it.

I know now I should just watch the whole thing with PFB beside me to explain it, but don't have time before film day.

Am I being terribly PFB? It all just came out to the nursery teacher, and I walked away feeling like that parent .. Blush

OP posts:
multivac · 28/09/2015 10:58

imdb suggests that The Lion King would warrant a PG rating if released today; just saying...

multivac · 28/09/2015 11:03

..although to be fair, it does also warn that: "At least two hyenas are shown to be slightly insane. May unsettle very sensitive viewers. But done more for comedy."

00100001 · 28/09/2015 11:05

When did Oliver go to another country??? Confused

middlings · 28/09/2015 11:08

PFB - sorry.

DH skips through the opening scenes of Nemo when he puts that DVD on. I don't.

They're fine.

Spartans · 28/09/2015 11:09

Definitely pfb and I actually laughed at the 'lazy teaching' bit.

as though the odd movie day is going to damage a 4 year old.

OP at what point will you let him see it. When he realises the film doesn't make sense?

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 11:14

I'm a twat. Not oliver. Kids Ave just called me an old fart . It's an American tail. Could have swore it was the wee ginger nuisance Grin

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 28/09/2015 11:14

You need to have open, age-appropriate dialogue with your children about things like death - and stories and films can help support that. Otherwise, they're going to get an awful shock when they experience the death of someone in real life or when it's suddenly sprung upon them when they're, what, 8, 12, 18?. You can help them to understand death and feel reassured and safe.

I'm approaching 40 and right now am a bit preoccupied by the thought of death racing towards me - but my 8 and 5 years old are pretty chilled and accepting about it because we've made it that way for them.

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/09/2015 11:17

That's the most honest comedown I've ever seen, sproke. I like you Grin

OneDay103 · 28/09/2015 11:19

Fgs it's awfully pfb! Really need to accept that you need to let go a bit. Pretty sure you will be the only one complaining to school

Witchend · 28/09/2015 11:21

The thing is we can protect our dc all we want, but then they may be in a situation where they then see it when we're not there to protect them and comfort them. Isn't that worse?

Also different children can be scared by different things. I remember being petrified by the football match in bedknobs and broomsticks. My dc though that particular section was terribly funny.
However dd1 found the Wallace and Grommit where they go to the moon and leave the alien begin really upsetting, dd2 didn't get much beyond the opening credits of Finding Nemo before she was in floods, and ds cried buckets over the Lancaster bomber crashing in Dambusters-but was very interested in a documentary of Concorde crashing.

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/09/2015 11:26

I wonder if early exposure (or lack thereof) makes some people more sensitive to death than others. My step-MIL visited last night and got very weepy and emotional at fictional deaths mentioned in the film we were watching, probably partly caused by her brother having died last year.

My brother died when I was 6 and I've grown up being very very aware that people can just vanish and never be seen again and that this is death. My parents never talked about him to me either, which didn't help at the time but has perhaps made me more accepting of death overall as an inevitable event. Step-MIL, who has had her first up-close introduction to it aged 67, might have benefited from dwelling on the subject more in her younger days.

Obviously this is all speculation though - she could just be more sensitive than me.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 28/09/2015 11:34

I'm pretty sure that when I studied developing minds, there was a study about kids who are sheltered from death/sadness and those who are exposed to it, through films/books/etc, and how this affected their real-life reaction to such things. Those who had seen films/books found it much easier to comprehend because they weren't learning a new concept as well as feeling emotion, they already "knew" what happened.

I'd need to dig out old textbooks to find the study reference but I'm at work at the moment.

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 11:36

I'm gonna have to watch them once I get these wee buggers off to nursery. See which ones which Grin there's daft things that scare us all as kids. I didn't like moira Stewart (totally just outed myself) but it didn't scar my for life. It's quite funny. How many on you were all terrified by daleks or flying monkeys? I'm guessing you all don't flinch at the sight of a foil covered plunger Grin death is a part of life. Fairy tales were thought to originally have been tales of warning and exposure to real and relevant issues for kids. The lion kings not really that different.

Spilose · 28/09/2015 11:37

I don't see how it's lazy teaching. It's nursery - not school. Are all hours at nursery supposed to be filled with teaching?

And yes OP YABU and PFB Grin

Theycallmemellowjello · 28/09/2015 11:40

I'm really confused by some of these responses. It might be true that kids 'ought to be exposed to death' - but I presume that the OP is not planning to hide the fact of mortality from her child until his/her 18th birthday. If the OP knows that her DC is likely to be distressed by this then surely it's better that the exposing is done at a pace she feels comfortable with and feels her DC can handle. Kids are terrified at all kinds of things - if you know your kid is terrified of lions presumably it's ok to mention this to the nursery, but if they're sensitive about mortality then the 3 year old should just suck it up? I repeat that I was terribly upset by a fictional depiction of death as a very young child; I might add that I was somewhat obsessed with death and mortality until the age of around 10. So all those saying that introducing death causally can never cause any harm are simply wrong.

kinkytoes · 28/09/2015 11:43

www.bbfc.co.uk/what-classification/u

Sorry if this link doesn't work, I'm on my phone. The official 'U' rating is aimed at 4 years plus. There are more suitable films for preschoolers as detailed in the second paragraph. In my opinion these would be more suitable for nursery viewing, particularly when the usual parent/guardian isn't around to offer comfort and reassurance.

I get that kids need to learn about death. I just think 3/4 is very young.

Mrsjayy · 28/09/2015 11:44

Nursery isnt school and a film day sounds nice it is ok for your son to feel sad op

Racundra · 28/09/2015 11:51

Evidence suggests that watching sad films makes us happier and more resilient, so it's not a bad thing at all.

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/09/2015 12:06

Please can you link, Racundra? I'm inclined to believe you but would be interested to see the evidence.

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/09/2015 12:09

It's been stated that op did well to flag her son's sensitivity and that they can now cater for it, mellowjello. I'm sorry that you had that reaction but the majority don't, so the viewing choice for the whole group in this case shouldn't be modified on the basis of it. Instead, arrangements can be made to soften things for op's son.

Millionprammiles · 28/09/2015 12:24

I wouldn't really be happy about dd sitting watching tv for over an hour at nursery. She doesn't watch tv for that long at home so why there?

I'm all for down time etc and sometimes small periods of tv are the easiest way to achieve that (one or two episodes of Peppa etc) but a whole film is a long time to be sitting staring at a screen, not interacting with anyone, not talking (or being encouraged to), not moving etc.

Dd's behaviour can be terrible after watching tv (the more she watches, the greater the tantrum when its switched off). I usually regret relying on it.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 28/09/2015 12:26

If I was going to show a film to a group of nursery children, it wouldn't be the Lion King.

It's terrified quite a lot of small children, and I think the poster who said it would be a PG these days is probably right. It's not so much the theme alone as the effect of the animation and music alongside it.

Showing it to a child you know well is one thing, a whole class you might not know as well is different.

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 28/09/2015 12:28

You could also ban your child from watching it on the basis that Simba and Nala are technically brother and sister.....since the male lion tends to sire all the Cubs WinkGrin

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/09/2015 12:31

I've thought that pirate!!

RebootYourEngine · 28/09/2015 12:36

Most disney movies have some sort or death or destruction or evil in them.

Whats wrong with kids watching a movie on the odd day ay nursery or school. The teachers at school probably wont be sitting 'on thier fannies' doing nothing. They will probably be marking, course planning or some other form of work.