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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being PFB? Watching films at nursery

183 replies

MonkeyPJs · 28/09/2015 09:37

AIBU and PFB? Need a reality check here ... Grin

PFB is almost 4, and at nursery they have decided to have a "film" day later in the week when all of the children watch a film together. I asked what films, they said maybe the Lion King.

Before I could think it through, I asked them not to show the middle section where Mufasa dies. While PFB loves the Lion King, I made the decision not to show that section about a year ago after PFB got very very upset about the idea of me or DH dying, and parental mortality in films (Nemo, Frozen etc) does really affect them. Death is something I get a lot of questions about, and PFB has had nightmares about. I don't want that part of the film shown in a situation where I can't be there to explain it.

I know now I should just watch the whole thing with PFB beside me to explain it, but don't have time before film day.

Am I being terribly PFB? It all just came out to the nursery teacher, and I walked away feeling like that parent .. Blush

OP posts:
hiccupgirl · 28/09/2015 13:01

I have no problem with a nursery having a film once a week at all. Kids love watching films with their friends. But I would have a problem with the Lion King at 4 tbh.

Yes most Disney films etc have death or tragedy in them somewhere but it's a bit explicit in the Lion King for 4 yr olds IMO. At least in ones like Frozen the deaths are more implied and it took a while for my 5 yr old to get that something tragic happens. It might be PFB and overprotective but I wouldn't be happy with my DS now in yr 1 watching the Lion King at school.

Twinkie1 · 28/09/2015 13:06

I remember a 13 year old I knew who hadn't been allowed to 'confront' mortality being hospitalised when her cat died and then her grandmother died. She just didn't know it was normal and everyone doesn't live forever.

MiaowTheCat · 28/09/2015 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 28/09/2015 13:07

Presumably she won't be forced to watch it so could conceivably be off playing by the time the gratuitous death scene* comes up

I'd leave it with a warning to the staff that she is easily upset and likely to ask lots of questions.

I do know where you are coming from. I put The Snowman on for DD1 when she was about 3.5. I realised too late that of course the sodding snowman melts. She sobbed her heart out and I felt terrible. She generally gets either terrified or upset at any sort of dramatic action in a film - most recently the Animal Pound guy in Shaun the Sheep. She's 5.5 now.... She has seen stuff at school but I don't get the impression that she's actually paid that much attention as there's never been any ruckus afterwards.

*I've never seen the Lion King. Grin

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 28/09/2015 13:14

I've a feeling Disney tried to capture the pre-school market so while they all have death/destruction/evil the more recent ones have a much lighter feel. Same themes, different way of dealing with it. The earlier ones were aimed at slightly older children, not pre-schoolers.

LittleLionMansMummy · 28/09/2015 13:40

It's an awful loss of innocence but part of growing up is understanding death and dying. Of course the thought of parental death upsets your ds - that's a perfectly normal, healthy reaction. But that doesn't mean you should avoid the subject of death altogether. Ds learned this when his hamster died, as indeed do most children learn about the reality of dying through the death of a pet. From there it was an easy connection that if animals can die so too can people - and that includes us. We focused on reassuring ds that in most cases, most people will live a very, very long time until they are very old. And we just answered his questions as honestly but kindly as possible. He soon got over it (and he's a sensitive little boy too). I think the occasional film at nursery is fine if you're worried about screen time - everything in moderation. I think your unwillingness to help your ds confront mortality is ill advised and for that yabu.

Diamondsmiles · 28/09/2015 13:47

No way would I be happy with a 3.5 yr old watching the lion king. Yes children need to confront death and sadness but not at preschool. My dc watched LK when they were older than that and we had bad nights after as they processed what they'd seen of the dad dying. I think it is unnecessary to stir that up in such a young child. The themes are far more suitable for older children.

LittleLionMansMummy · 28/09/2015 13:56

The thing is there is no 'right time' to confront it so you may as well use Disney as a tool to get it over with early. What happens when a grandparent dies, or a friend and they have no idea what to expect? Do you lie to them until you think they're old enough to cope? When do they become old enough?

HippyChickMama · 28/09/2015 13:57

When ds was almost 4, three of his great grandparents died in the space of 3 months. He was old enough then to ask questions and be upset too, especially when dh's grandad died as he was especially fond of him. He had been exposed to the concept of death through films and I think it helped him to understand. Death is part of life and as long as a child is old enough to question death in a film they're old enough to start to understand it.

VeryPunny · 28/09/2015 13:58

I'd hit the roof if my nursery had a film afternoon once a week. Lazy arses IMO.

Flomple · 28/09/2015 14:27

I'm not against a pre-schooler "confronting mortality" but the problem with the lion king is some bits are quite scary. I had to take DS (not a PFB) out of the cinema in the Lion King at older than 3. In fact he is scared of the cinema now and I think it because we were too laid back about him seeing scary things and traumatized him! He was even scared of Minions, at age 6, and that is truly mild. Reading or listening they can take at their own pace a bit more, but on a screen it is trickier.

I don't think the lion king is a sensible choice for preschoolers but I also think any film won't hold their attention necessarily anyway. Some will wander off elsewhere and play. I would put your energy into making sure there is provision for those who choose not to watch (whether bored or scared) so they can get away and distract themselves elsewhere. My worry would be they would be repeatedly "encouraged" back to watch so the staff can have a bit of a rest.

ReallyTired · 28/09/2015 23:42

I hope ofsted would fail a nursery that had a film afternoon once a week. I feel the staff should be working a bit harder.

HoursTurnIntoDays · 28/09/2015 23:55

Children react differently and some cope better than others. My 3 yr old would watch anything and rarely be upset or scared - but my 5 yr old often gets frightened at children's films because he is very sensitive and emotional. He would worry about what he saw all day and be thinking about it in bed at night. He has a very vivd imagination and things he sees affect him strongly.

While he's young I have to try to protect him as much as I can and let him get used to things at his own pace.

You don't have to say it's ok for your child to watch that film just because most people here say it is PFB.

I also think it's very lazy if the nursery to stick in a full film. Occasionally a reward of a 10 minute cartoon would be fine - but children see enough TV at home and are not sent to nursery to watch films

You could ask the nursery to show a different film - I can't imagine it would be much of a big deal to them.

ceeveebee · 29/09/2015 00:05

I wouldnt care about my nearly 4 year old twins watching The Lion King as we've never shyed away from explaining deaths in stories eg Cinderella, frozen, Snow White etc but I would not be happy about them watching a film at nursery or any TV at all for that matter

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 29/09/2015 00:14

Personally I think YANBU. I don't think many children that age will a) sit through a fairly long film, b) I think it's a lazy option for nursery, c) Lion King is a complex film (Hamlet anyone?) and breezing over the 'death happens get over it' is not a necessary response.

My four children are grown up now 18-23, but I chose their viewing as little ones, based on MY knowledge of them and their abilities and sensitivities. I didn't ignore issues such as death, not at all, but I felt (and still feel) that parents are the best people to judge when to introduce concepts... and certainly not via Disney!

DS1 would have breezed though it and loved the songs at 4. DD1 would have been very very upset. I can't remember when she did see Lion king.. she was around 7 I think. She's 23 now..and STILL skips the stampede because it upsets her..and she is now an adult, a doctor who deals with real life death every day in her job!

I'd pull him out for the day.

LittleBearPad · 29/09/2015 00:26

They'd be lucky getting DD to watch it. She won't even make it past the 'Castle animation' at the beginning of any Disney film before telling me to 'turn it off'.

It's pretty crap of the nursery too. I'd be very unimpressed that they were showing films to children during nursery hours. It's incredibly lazy.

EatShitDerek · 29/09/2015 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MonkeyPJs · 29/09/2015 06:56

Interesting responses thanks! I will show PFB the whole movie, I just wanted be in a position to explain it - he gets so upset about the parents in Frozen (nightmares etc) that I made the choice to skip the middle section of Lion King a little while back.

I don't want to shelter him from death - far from it, we talk about death quite openly, and recently had a bereavement in the family - I just wanted to be there to explain the movie to him as death really is something he talks about all of the time and gets quite upset about. I suppose I am worried that if he sees it in that context without anyone to explain it to him it'll really play on his mind more than it would otherwise.

But, have admitted upthread that IABU anyway! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MonkeyPJs · 29/09/2015 06:57

I just wish I had the chance to watch the movie through before film day at nursery ... and feel a little caught off guard!

OP posts:
TiggyD · 29/09/2015 08:24

I think once of month would be better. And rotate the days so that it's not just the Friday afternoon children who get it all the time. I would also make it an event. Rearrange the furniture so it's like a cinema, make popcorn, have an interval, not let them smoke, etc.

rainbowunicorn · 29/09/2015 09:16

Where does the OP say that it is going to be a once a week event. It is a film shown later this week as a one off.

I have worked in early years and infants for many years and we often have a film afternoon close to the end of a term or before a half term break.

The children enjoy it and we make it fun issuing tickets (Free) and doing popcorn showing the film on the projector to make it more like a cinema experience.

WE have shown The Lion King among others and never in many years have we had a parent complain.

Original poster
MonkeyPJs · 29/09/2015 09:28

HoursTurnIntoDays your DS sounds like mine - that's what he does as well.

OP posts:
LittleLionMansMummy · 29/09/2015 10:10

Fair enough MonkeyPJs Smile

We're currently struggling with sex education with our 4 year old - not through watching Disney though I hasten to add! Grin Thankfully he hasn't (yet) pushed us to explain the mechanics but it's heading that way Shock Nobody prepares you for this do they?!

Dexterwasright · 29/09/2015 10:29

Of course the educational argument for The Lion King could be that it is based on Hamlet!

kiggenpaws · 29/09/2015 18:28

The badger book referred to by a PP is 'badgers parting gifts'. I couldn't actually make it to the end of the book BUT it's actually a lovely, well done book to teach kids about death & remembering people. It's just I was a very sensitive child.....