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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being PFB? Watching films at nursery

183 replies

MonkeyPJs · 28/09/2015 09:37

AIBU and PFB? Need a reality check here ...

PFB is almost 4, and at nursery they have decided to have a "film" day later in the week when all of the children watch a film together. I asked what films, they said maybe the Lion King.

Before I could think it through, I asked them not to show the middle section where Mufasa dies. While PFB loves the Lion King, I made the decision not to show that section about a year ago after PFB got very very upset about the idea of me or DH dying, and parental mortality in films (Nemo, Frozen etc) does really affect them. Death is something I get a lot of questions about, and PFB has had nightmares about. I don't want that part of the film shown in a situation where I can't be there to explain it.

I know now I should just watch the whole thing with PFB beside me to explain it, but don't have time before film day.

Am I being terribly PFB? It all just came out to the nursery teacher, and I walked away feeling like that parent ..

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 01/10/2015 23:17

Well I'm glad you don't look after my child for the 15 hours a week she attends a nursery.

fulldutypaid · 01/10/2015 23:20

Im glad too!

fulldutypaid · 01/10/2015 23:21

Give me the kids any day over the guilt ridden pathetic parents

Cloppysow · 01/10/2015 23:30

fulldutypaid

Good God! You speak more sense than half of mumsnet put together.

fulldutypaid · 01/10/2015 23:34

Thanks Cloppy. There was me thinking I was going to be booted off for telling the truth again

I look after their children and love them to bits! I cant stand the parents most of the time

multivac · 02/10/2015 00:08

fulldutypaid I hope you have some room in your heart for the parents who leave their children with you in order to keep a roof about the same size as yours - maybe a tad smaller - over their heads.

The ones who are guilt-ridden, but hands-tied.

The ones who don't think it's 'lazy' to show the kids a film every once in a while, given the hours they spend in daycare (while their parents ensure they are, y'know fed).

I get that you are better than us.

But a bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss.

ReallyTired · 02/10/2015 00:23

There is plenty of evidence that good quality daycare does not harm a child. Even if it's full time. Why should parents (almost certainly the mother) be expected to downgrade their career? Fulldutypaid I think you are spouting your opinion and don't understand the difference between opinion and truth.

The problem with showing a film is that children who don't like the film can't exactly go off to a different room. They are lumbered with the film in the background. It is not the same as a parent showing a film in a home situation. At home the parent can vet the film and turn off if the child loses interest or does not like it.

fulldutypaid if you disagree with day nurseries being open beyond 4pm then why do you work in one? Or is it the only job you can get? Why don't you go and work in a playgroup or a school nursery?

fulldutypaid · 02/10/2015 00:33

Reallytired, In my opinion putting a child in daycare from 7.30 till the evening does have a detrimental effect on that child. No matter how much people want to pay or say any different. Its not fair to that child.

Im not sure why you have to ask why I do it though without me giving you an answer that you wont want to hear?

fulldutypaid · 02/10/2015 00:36

As for "lumbered" with a film after 4pm, do you really think for a moment that other pursuits for a child is not an option?

fulldutypaid · 02/10/2015 00:42

Just read your post again, Really tired ... the only job I could get? how offensive would you care to be? So you would leave your child somewhere knowing that it was the only job they could get, really? Bloody hell!

fulldutypaid · 02/10/2015 00:46

You have actually said in your post Im lower than you?

I have said i adore the children that i care for, no, i dont particularly like a lot of the parents. No i dont agree with long daycare, it is not fair to the child, they want their parents.

DontStopBelievin · 02/10/2015 00:55

Not read all the posts as I reallllllllly need to go to bed as it's nearly 1am.
Although just came on to say your post reminds me of Phoebe's mum ending films early and cutting out scenes to save her from the sadness, then she's traumatised when Monica and Richard are watching Old Yeller.
"He has babies, not rabies!"
Then see someone's already beaten me to it. Darn.

fulldutypaid · 02/10/2015 00:59

Really glad you came on here Dontstop, was feeling very stabby about really tired

ReallyTired · 02/10/2015 01:04

I would not work in an environment where I had moral objections to what they are doing. For example Fulldutypaid you don't agree with long hours of daycare so why do you work in a day nursery? You clearly have utter contempt for the parents of the children. Why don't you get a job at a local pre school or school nursery?

DontStopBelievin · 02/10/2015 01:09

I had a quick stroll through the last two pages of comments after leaving mine. For what it's worth, I think there's nothing wrong with leaving children in daycare. I mean, bills still have to be paid and if that's what you need to do then you do it. Doesn't mean you love them any less as they have to spend a day or two in nursery.
Anyways. Phoebe and Ben watching Sesame Street and Phoebe telling Ben there's a scary part coming up where Bert and Ernie are at the seaside and Ernie can't find Bert as he's been buried under the sand....
This thread. Right there.

reni2 · 02/10/2015 01:10

You did seem to be out for a fight to be fair, fully, you thought I might be one to have a dig at: We are talking small children here are we not reni? ... or dont you get that? a film and chill out from 4 is great. I wasn't even in disagreement with you regarding the movies. When I didn't bite you took the next one. I think you were feeling stabby right from the off.

fulldutypaid · 02/10/2015 01:15

Reni, i apologise as i did recognise that you were lovely, I just got swept away with others on the thread, again I do apologise.

fulldutypaid · 02/10/2015 01:17

I do however think that i watch and care for children in day care and for a few hours so young its fine but all day everyday its not, thats why its there naturally from the age of 4.

fulldutypaid · 02/10/2015 01:22

Working parents feel "guilt" for a reason. Kids should be with their parents for a majority of the time before going to school.. I'd say 3.5 is a good age to let go.

fulldutypaid · 02/10/2015 01:24

It is not and never will be ideal for the child, ever!

zippey · 02/10/2015 02:48

There is a lot of evidence to suggest that a long day at nursery isnt great for children under a certain age (I think its about 3)

I agree that children shouldnt have extra long days at nurseries. They need their parents. Nurseries cant give the one on one attention a parent should provide.

Having said that, there is also the argument that parents need to work to pay the mortgage, bills and food, but having said that its usually the case that parents want a certain lifestyle and are not willing to downgrade that lifestyle, even for the emotional and physical wellbeing of their children.

thehypocritesoaf · 02/10/2015 09:02

Wow.

LittleBearPad · 02/10/2015 09:25

FFS. A certain lifestyle zippey. What do you mean?

Marynary · 02/10/2015 09:57

I would be more bothered about the fact that the nursery were showing them a film in the first place to be honest because it is hardly stimulating and I bet they don't get a choice about it. My children used to really hate being forced to watch a film at after school club so that the lazy staff could sit on their arses and do nothing.

ReallyTired · 02/10/2015 11:00

My eldest is thirteen years old and his friends who went to day nursery at nine weeks old full time have not come to terrible harm. From looking at my son's compemories the children who have less fared well emotionally are those whose parents have struggled with terrible depression. Certainly there is a plenty of evidence that the children of stay at home mothers with long term depression do suffer developmentally. Often its better for a baby to go into full time care so that its mother can continue her interesting career than to have the mother at home feeling suicidal with boredom. If nice holidays, a large house and a car are important to parents then maybe its worth sending a child to day nursery from a young age.

I worry about nursery staff who are judgemental and lack the intelligence to realise that there are shades of grey in life. I feel that someone who hates working parents leaving their children in day care should not take a job in a day nusery. Its like a vegeterian taking a job in an abatoir.

Working parents have to make difficult decisions and it cannot be easy to put a baby in full time daycare. Such people deserve a bit of compassion and it should be remembered that they know their life's circumstances better than one else.

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