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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child free wedding invite

227 replies

dotladotla · 26/09/2015 08:32

So...I'm 1 week away from my due date with my first child and we got a save the date in for my friends wedding in July. She messaged me and said she's having a child free wedding.
She was asking if we want to book accommodation at the venue because it will all be booked up soon. It's cottages that you book for two nights-the night before & night of the wedding. We live 4 hours drive from where the wedding is being held and, from what I can tell, the venue is pretty rural between cities so accommodation will be limited. I said no because I didn't think we'd be staying the night before because we'd have the baby and that I'm not sure at this point if we'll stay down the night of the wedding and I'll need to check about babysitting.
Is that bad of me? Right now it's really hard to imagine leaving the baby for two whole nights at 9 months and spending all that money. If the wedding was closer so we could get back easier if needed I think I'd be more at ease but I just feel weird at the thought of it! And in my head if we are going to use up babysitting credits (ha) then I'd rather have a relaxing romantic weekend just the two of us once we feel ready, not at a wedding. Am I being selfish? I just got the fear ?? she hasn't messaged back so don't know if she's annoyed at me. Is that bad of me? Am I being ridiculous?
I am trying to respect her child-free wedding decision but it just puts me in a bit of a situation. What if I'm still nursing then and can't express?
The baby isn't even here yet!

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 26/09/2015 08:35

It's up to you, don't stay over of you don't want to, it's not rude. You may find at that stage you'd love a night out with friends where you can let your hair down though.

hibbleddible · 26/09/2015 08:45

Completely understandable that you can't commit now.

I wouldn't go. If you will be breastfeeding it will be nearly impossible anyway.

She chose to have a child free wedding, knowing that if would mean some guests wouldn't be able to make it.

WhoTheFIsJeff · 26/09/2015 08:52

Seriously don't worry about it until it's nearer the time and the baby is here. It's July, you've got ages to think about it.

Idefix · 26/09/2015 08:56

I wouldn't go either, Yanbu. I hope your friend understands but you have nothing to feel bad about.

icklekid · 26/09/2015 08:57

Don't worry about it there will still be accommodation just not at the venue if you decide you want to go. My 9 months you will know if you want to far more than you do now.

icklekid · 26/09/2015 08:58

*by not my

Also think if you are breastfeeding that doesn't mean you can't go as you will be 3months into weaning and a lot can change!

coconutpie · 26/09/2015 09:02

YABU to be worrying about this now! Decide closer to the time, it is 9 months away.

I have had to decline three wedding invitations this year (my baby is 1yo) as I'm bf so couldn't have been away from my baby anyway.

BikeRunSki · 26/09/2015 09:03

I took DS to a wedding when he was weaning. It was fine, but I agree that you should wait until nearer the time to decide whether to go.

coconutpie · 26/09/2015 09:04

Re weaning (since the point was brought up), I did Baby Led Weaning so by 9mo, my baby was still bf the same as before weaning started - food is just for experiment for a while.

Mrsjayy · 26/09/2015 09:07

Just what everybody else has said just tell the bride you wont be booking anything and will do nearer the time its just a save the date you have months before you Rsvp she is just trying to be organised dont worry about it.

Mrsjayy · 26/09/2015 09:08

Will see nearer the time i meant

spad · 26/09/2015 09:14

There is no way I would leave any of mine for two nights so that I could party. And my oldest is nearly 3. Politely decline.

InternalMonologue · 26/09/2015 09:15

YANBU you can only go on how you feel right now. I know that I wouldn't have been able to leave DS for 2 nights at that age, especially because of BFing. I hope your friend understands that if she has a child free wedding then not everyone will be able to come.

Girlfriend36 · 26/09/2015 09:17

I thought you were going to say the baby would be 2 weeks old or something!

I wouldn't worry about this now but leave booking anything till nearer the time, babies change a lot in 9 months and you you might be grateful for a baby free day and night away by then!!

Fwiw I left my 6 month old dd with her Grandmother over night to attend my friends wedding, was also bfing but dd was happy to take milk from a bottle and I expressed while away to keep the supply up. It was fine, I enjoyed a day and night 'off' and my mum loved having dd all to herself for a bit.

HackerFucker22 · 26/09/2015 09:17

I have an 8 month old (ebf but now a few months into weaning - BLW so as another poster said not much actual food being taken)

There is no way I'd leave baby. Practically I couldn't [she is a bottle refuser] but also I just wouldn't want to. Not for a weekend, not even for a night I'd probably not leave her for the day if it was an 8 hour round trip!!

DS was bottle fed, a very independent baby and I wouldn't have left him for that long at 9 months either.

I'd see nearer the time but if she pushes you for an answer - decline!!

EponasWildDaughter · 26/09/2015 09:20

But OP hasn't got ages to decide, he's got to book the cottages now.

Personally i'd be saying to the bride that i'd love to come to the wedding, but it may be impossible. If you can stay as a 'maybe' guest then that's fine. If she needs definite numbers i'd decline.

Wishful80smontage · 26/09/2015 09:21

I wouldn't have been able to at 9 mons my dd was still having lots of milk I might have got away with a night if I'd expressed enough but no way 2.
I wouldn't book the 2 nights but closer to the time you may be able to manage 1 night- you've only had a save the date card so you don't need to give your 'final' response right now.

Wishful80smontage · 26/09/2015 09:21

Oh and congrats :)

EponasWildDaughter · 26/09/2015 09:21

You mentioned the money side of it too OP. Not unreasonable to not want to shell out for 2 nights in a cottage on top of petrol, outfits, meals etc.

If you do want to do it though, how about booking the cottage and taking a babysitter with you? Then baby and sitter will be close to the wedding venue.

Junosmum · 26/09/2015 09:23

To me, a child free wedding means no over ones. Babes in arms/ high chairs don't count in wedding numbers and so don't cost and I'd never expect parents to leave such a young child for a night if they didn't want to. Are you sure your friend means you can't take the baby? Toddlers plus I understand

ChatEnOeuf · 26/09/2015 09:26

Are there any two-bed cottages that you can book, so you can take the baby and the babysitter?

MythicalKings · 26/09/2015 09:30

I think child free means exactly that. Never heard anyone else say babies don't count. They are children and likely to yark during the vows and at random times throughout the day.

Mrsjayy · 26/09/2015 09:32

Childfree doesnt mean under1s it means childfree

Hero1callylost · 26/09/2015 09:33

I'd decline accommodation now and say you'll confirm attendence nearer the time/by the RSVP date.

No need to worry about it now as long as you're happy to drive to the next nearest accommodation, which you can book yourself if/when you're ready.

londonrach · 26/09/2015 09:34

Childfree is childfree. Op agree with others its too far away to commit at the moment. If your friend is a good friend she understand.

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