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Original poster

Child free wedding invite

227 replies

dotladotla · 26/09/2015 08:32

So...I'm 1 week away from my due date with my first child and we got a save the date in for my friends wedding in July. She messaged me and said she's having a child free wedding.
She was asking if we want to book accommodation at the venue because it will all be booked up soon. It's cottages that you book for two nights-the night before & night of the wedding. We live 4 hours drive from where the wedding is being held and, from what I can tell, the venue is pretty rural between cities so accommodation will be limited. I said no because I didn't think we'd be staying the night before because we'd have the baby and that I'm not sure at this point if we'll stay down the night of the wedding and I'll need to check about babysitting.
Is that bad of me? Right now it's really hard to imagine leaving the baby for two whole nights at 9 months and spending all that money. If the wedding was closer so we could get back easier if needed I think I'd be more at ease but I just feel weird at the thought of it! And in my head if we are going to use up babysitting credits (ha) then I'd rather have a relaxing romantic weekend just the two of us once we feel ready, not at a wedding. Am I being selfish? I just got the fear ?? she hasn't messaged back so don't know if she's annoyed at me. Is that bad of me? Am I being ridiculous?
I am trying to respect her child-free wedding decision but it just puts me in a bit of a situation. What if I'm still nursing then and can't express?
The baby isn't even here yet!

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 26/09/2015 13:19

They are only inconsiderate if they expect you to attend and kick up a fuss if you don't.

I wouldn't bother with "friends" if they didn't want to include my kids either. It would be a clue that our lives are on a different path. Yes I would strike them from the address book too. We would have obviously grown so far apart that the friendship had run its course.

It wouldn't be in a nasty way, just recognising that we no longer had as much in common.

WhoTheFIsJeff · 26/09/2015 13:20

How selfish of your friends Boffin not to have their wedding at a place convenient for you and your children.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/09/2015 13:24

Grin @'Jeff

Honestly the entitlement of some people (potential wedding guests, rather than the bride and groom obviously). And again I'm glad I live in the land of RL, and thankfully not the land of MN.

TamaraLamara · 26/09/2015 13:25

Boffin no wonder you and your 4 dc don't get invited to weddings - that's 5 or 6 places you are all taking up. Very expensive

Not to mention the bizarre arrogance of demanding that her 'personality' be respected above the preferences of the bride and groom otherwise she's cutting them out of her life for good.

'I demand that you respect my views while I exercise my right to disregard yours.'

A truly special friendship, that one. Wink

Still, I don't believe people truly are so dictatorial in reality, so more fool me for letting myself to be sucked in Blush

WhoTheFIsJeff · 26/09/2015 13:31

If I met someone (like Boffin) who would give up a friendship over a child free wedding I would hope they let me know such a thing early on so I could escape the friendship, as I can't imagine why I would want be friends with someone who had clearly lost so much perspective in life that they thought their children, (and them) were the centre of everyone else's universe.

ThursdayLastWeek · 26/09/2015 13:33

With regards to babies, I can see why you might need to take them with you - though at 9mo like the OP it's not necessarily the case.

But with toddlers and older I have no idea why you would want to take them with you! Nowt wrong with an adult night out with a few less responsibilities to help a friend celebrate. Good for the soul IMO.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/09/2015 13:33

Boffin

Do you also demand that they have child friendly activities and make the children the centre of the event?

MissFitt68 · 26/09/2015 13:42

How will boffin ever cope when her DC grow up and move away? There is life beyond DC.... It doesn't revolve around them

Oysterbabe · 26/09/2015 13:43

Good grief.

I'm pleased I had no kids at mine as now I know that my friends, all of whom attended and left their kids with their grandparents, understand the concept of limited budget and spaces and didn't conclude we were on a different life path.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/09/2015 14:14

I was just musing about Boffin and her gang taking up a whole table at someones wedding, - does anyone remember the thread (iirc) where the OP who had a few dc had been invited to her brothers wedding and was issued an invitation for her, her Dh and just two of her dc - she was told she could chose which two of her dc she would like to bring. Grin. Well it was a funny thead but for the op it must have been a terrible situation.

MythicalKings · 26/09/2015 14:52

As an educationalist myself, I had a child free wedding. Fortunately, my friends weren't weird like Boffin.

ThursdayLastWeek · 26/09/2015 15:01

Is an educationalist different to a teacher?!

SourceofInformation · 26/09/2015 15:05

It usually means someone who works in education, but isn't actually qualified Wink

NationalTrustLadyGardens · 26/09/2015 15:06

Boffin I bet you're one of those who lets their dc run round screaming in Harvesters throwing sweetcorn in the name self-expression Wink

I just love child-free weddings. I can't wait to get away from my kids.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/09/2015 15:06

I expect it's a very important type of teacher.

hackmum · 26/09/2015 15:21

OP, out of interest, do you have someone (e.g. family) you can leave your nine month old with? Because if you haven't, you almost certainly won't feel like leaving your baby with a stranger. And your baby almost certainly won't like it either.

Just tell your friend you won't book now because you probably won't be able to make it and ask her when she needs to know for definite whether you're coming or not.

As an aside, I think having a wedding that requires guests to stay for two nights is going to reduce the number of guests quite quickly. Few people have time or money to spend two nights away from home, especially if they have children.

cremedecacao · 26/09/2015 15:26

Source- woah! Boffin was b a little u in her attitude but lets not make sweeping statements about educationalists! You don't HAVE to be a teacher to be an educationalist! Education: the teaching profession are not the same!

FWIW I also think that children ought to be included in family celebrations (particularly BF babies) but would not dump a friend who disagreed!

MythicalKings · 26/09/2015 15:38

I'm a teacher, btw, I thought educationalist sounded a bit affected, so used it ironically.

SenecaFalls · 26/09/2015 15:39

The ageism discussion brought to mind a thread from a few years ago. It took me a while to find it, but here it is. Be sure to read enough to see what's really going on. Grin

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1653351-weddings-and-oaps

acquiescence · 26/09/2015 15:48

We stated child free on our wedding invitations, but then advised the parents of babies that they were welcome, as otherwise that would have meant they couldn't come to the wedding! If she does not have children she might not understand this, it might be worth explaining clearly that you may be unable to make it if you can't bring your baby.

MitzyLeFroof · 26/09/2015 15:55

Child free weddings are immoral? I think I've officially Heard It All Now.™

Goodnight Vienna.

MitzyLeFroof · 26/09/2015 15:58

In fact friends who have child-free weddings are immediately dropped from my contacts book.

Wowzers. You could out-diva Ms Mariah Carey.

Headofthehive55 · 26/09/2015 16:18

It's worth remembering that not everybody has someone to babysit four children for extended periods of time.

I think everyone makes those sort of decisions, to move away from friends who no longer moving in the same direction, perhaps it sounds harsh striking them from the contacts book, but we do it perhaps without thinking consciously. When we move house, go to uni etc. I don't think it's over that one thing, they are within their rights to invite who they want but people do tend to gravitate to those people that are doing the same thing as themselves.

MitzyLeFroof · 26/09/2015 16:23

Yes, it sounds very harsh,. And very diva-like.

I hope you give the poor sods an explanation 'we can no longer be friends as you didn't invite my children to your wedding' and they're not left scratching their heads.

PennyHasNoSurname · 26/09/2015 16:29

I fucking love a childfree wedding. My experiences of weddings with my children involve
*not beig able to concentrate on the vows as all my effort is spent hoping the baby wont make a noise
*eyeing up the drinks reception while I sip coke that im sick of as its all ive drunk since the bfp
*eating a lukewarm meal with one hand while the other either holds a baby or spoons dinner into the other one
*feilding strops that are commonplace in most three year olds
*trying to coerce them into late naps somewhere so they stay up for the evening part
*swapping "on duty" constantly witb dh so one of us can go mingle and relax while the other deals wih the above

And the best part of it is the kids dont give a shit about a wedding. Theyd have a better time at a grandparents/aunts house.

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