Woman on bus being very unhelpful (maybe sensitive) (thread title amended by MNHQ}

[DirtyMugPolice]

I'm 7 months pregnant and look it - a lady on the bus moved her shopping trolley thing for me so I could sit down. Lovely. She then proceeded to tell me about her grandson who died while being born as he was grabbed in the wrong place with forceps. My eyes welled up and then she got off the bus.

What. The. Fuck. Why would you tell a pregnant woman a story about a dead baby?!

Oh I do apologize Op. You have acknowledged the error of your posting title.
You see this is why we need an edit button.

It was 'dead baby' that OP apologised for.

I think it was gracious to apologise but as sympathetic as I am to being upset, I did wince a bit at 'talking shit'.

I agree. An edit button would have hopefully saved me looking any more like an insensitive cow.

And upsetting anyone further.

^Of course saying so to a pregnant woman is stupid.
But how about this? Lady sees visibly pregnant woman and it brings back memories and she starts talking and forgets she should stop^

This is what I was thinking but wasn't able to express it as well. I can't believe anyone would describe this grandmother as a "vile" "insensitive prick"

I did apologise for any upset I had caused quite early in and that included my choice of title but I didn't specify that - I include that now and I know it was a bad choice of words.

OP I think the thread demonstrates quite well what bereaved parents and grandparents are up against in society/ with huge isolation/attitudes towards it. It was others who said insensitive prick, selfish, vile and revealed a large number of opinions like that. I don't think it needs deleting, personally. I hope one day more people feel comfortable talking to the grandma on the bus, and take it not as a personal dig but as a sharing of their life/sharing of the little they have of that child. I think these thins should be talked about more, and she may have been less clumsy as well if it were more sayable - also may have been trying to help make her grandsons life mean something if he could help someone else - who knows. All you know is, it happened to someone who wasn't you. So be kind, be wise and enjoy the rest of your healthy pregnancy and your baby.

Oh you poor thing! What an awful experience for you. I feel sorry for the poor grandmother too, she must be devastated by this event, so much so that sensitivity to you must have gone out the window.

There is nothing at all wrong with your OP. I too would be distraught

Well, I am sorry to be argumentative but there is something extremely wrong with saying a woman talking about a stillborn baby is 'talking shit' and I find it very difficult to understand why OP phrased the title in that way when there were a thousand other possible titles.

Normally 'talking shit' means 'talking rubbish.'

Does that apply to a baby who died?

I don't get the aggression either, surely the first emotion is compassion.

I think OP was in a shocked and upset even possibly angry place. She used a bad choice of words, yes but she's apologised and can't do much more then get the thread deleted which would be a shame because it highlights how people grief stricken can act. I don't think she considered the reasons why someone who feel the need or be so grief stricken they couldn't stop, now she has.

I think Brioche summed it up pretty well.
Whole heartedly agree with leghoul I'm amazed anyone thought it appropriate to call her an asshole.

I can actually see both sides of the story.

I've lost. 3 babies in row and reached depths of darkness and pain I never knew possible.

I found the least sympathetic people to be pregnant women. They don't want to hear your story because we are a reminder than sometimes things go tragically wrong.

All you want to do is acknowledge and talk about your grief and you are made to feel bad that you are grieving. That you should hide away because we shouldn't upset people. And it does happen. We do get treated like that, even though we are grieving.

But I understand you must have been shocked and upset by what she said, and that's understandable. I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it and we don't know her story. It could've been last week for all we know. Likewise she ( and we) don't know your story.

Please take comfort that what happened is very rare put it out of your mind and look forward. She'll have meant nothing by it

Hope you are ok

what was her age? maybe that was a factor- otherwise maybe a syndrome like aspergers or something. falling of the bottom rung of a ladder is statistically more of a threat than forceps

Some positive birth stories for the OP and talk guidelines for anyone who may want to have a look

Peace and love please
Thanks everso
MNHQ

Brummiegirl, I'm very sorry for your loss and heartbreak. I'm not surprised though that pregnant women are reluctant to hear about it and I don't see why you'd choose them to talk to. My father had a bad death from cancer and I don't think it's unsympathetic or unkind if people with recent diagnoses, theirs or loved ones, don't want to hear about it. It's not something people owe, especially if they don't know you.

Why should pregnant women be protected from other people's life stories? Of course it's awful and distressing to hear about someone losing their baby but I'm sure everyone understands that it's a million times worse for the parents who lost their child.

Or maybe she was grieving Onetitbile how on earth does recounting the loss of her grandchild mean she has aspergers!

Thanks Olivia ... Do you think you could maybe edit the title perhaps as has been suggested up thread?

brummiegirl and others.

did mean 'like' aspergers and in my head the woman was really old and without wanting to offend those of a more advanced age, those extra years can SOMETIMES cause a lack of sensitivity but does not mean malice.

Was trying to demonstrate the woman wasn't trying to be mean. Really sorryif Ive just demonstrated similar insensitivity in this and my previous post. To those who are grieving. To those with aspergers. And those with lots of birthdays behind them.

@AndDeepBreath

Thanks Olivia ... Do you think you could maybe edit the title perhaps as has been suggested up thread?

Thanks, yes, we've done this

Thanks Olivia.

Dear OP

That must have been so difficult to hear, I think you must have felt so upset, I can imagine you wanted to get some support and came here for some "it's going to be ok" maybe you would have worded things a little differently if you were thinking straight, emotions are strong things (and I'm sure this lady was just very sad too) - I didn't see the original title, but I'm sure you never meant to upset anyone. Your a human being who is carrying a little person and that must have been so upsetting for you to here from this lady but I'm sure she was just upset and thinking how lucky you are X

I am sure you and your little baby will be fine X and I look forward to seeing a post in a few months saying he or she is here, happy and healthy X

Keep your chin up, and sending you a hug

I understand why this upset you OP but I agree with Balloonslayer and Ovo I bet she had good intentions and wanted to save you the pain that she and her family have been through, and once she started talking about it she probably couldn't stop IYSWIM.