Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being mad at 'date' for his behaviour?

191 replies

Wanshu · 24/09/2015 14:45

Met a guy online. Met up one night and he seemed alright so I arranged date number 2. That one went ok so this brings us to date number 3 ...

We went to cinema and he talked all the way through the movie. People were turning around and I was getting embarrassed. He was actually talking about the movie to be fair but even so! Anyway I said to him politely "let's talk about it later when we leave". He made a stupid "oooo! Ive been told off!" comment and I heard tutting from behind us. So uncomfortable as I hate drawing attention to myself.

So - moving forward we got out (finally!) and as we were leaving he was loudly discussing the plot whilst people were queuing up to see it!! I said playfully "shh you'll spoil it for this lot!" and he did the same "ooo you are miss authoritative tonight!" at this point I was so wound up I just wanted to shout "fuck off!!!" at him (but didn't).

So I admit I may have been a bit tetchy from this point on ...

We walked into our chosen restaraunt were we were told to sit at the bar whilst a table became available. Gladly I sat down. He sat beside me, started raking into his pockets and then dumped a load of change onto the bar and said "what do you reckon we could get with that?" Shock Jesus H Christ. I was mortified. A group of blokes were looking and laughing, he seemed completely oblivious. I said "just put the money away and we'll just order something! if we don't have enough on us they accept card!". I may have been a bit snappy at this point. He looked offended. collected the change and asked what I wanted. I told him I'd buy the drinks and I did so. As we were sat drinking in awkward silence he asked me if he'd done something wrong as I'd seemed quite stand offish and snappy all night!!! Not wanting a full on conversation in front of the bar staff and the group of blokes I said "no, don't worry about it, I just don't like getting money out in public." At this point he said "oh don't worry I'm not skint, I have ... " and then he proceeded to rake a load of £10 and £20 notes out of his pocket and counted them in front of me!!!!! is it me or what??? How embarrassing. So I said "you're doing it again! people are looking! just put the money away and let's enjoy our drinks and food without thinking about money".

Anyway this conversation went on and on ...

Final straw, we sat down and I ordered fajita wraps. He ordered something different. When it arrived my serving was huge and basically it looked like it would be a military operation turning this huge plate of meat and veg into wraps (it was a DIY job!). So I laughed and said "oh wow! where do I start here?!" so he asked what I meant. Hmm. I said "I just don't know where to start. looks nice though doesn't it?" - well he immediately caught the attention of the waitress and asked her to come across before telling her that I wasnt sure how to make the wraps and could she show me how to do it! I mean for fucks sake, I've never felt so ridiculous in all my life. I told her I was fine and could manage. When she'd left I asked him why he'd done that and he said he was trying to be helpful. I told him he'd really embarrassed me and he said I'd been off with him all night and he wished I'd just told him what was wrong.

I can be a moody cow. I'm not denying that but was my frustration warranted on this occasion and AIBU to now be considering calling it all off? We're meant to be going out this weekend and he keeps texting saying how he's looking forward to it and has changed his hours at work for it. The other dates were fine, just the last one which was a nightmare. Am I being harsh?

OP posts:
Amazemedontbeacunt · 24/09/2015 14:50

Don't go, I'd have had an 'emergency' phone call before that date had finished. I don't know how you saw it through to the end!

mummble · 24/09/2015 14:55

This sounds like all the internet dates i went on (till I met DH).

I would just move swiftly on - I'm not saying you need infinite urbane wit, but the money thing is quite bad. And the fajitas, what a massive twat!

Pancakeflipper · 24/09/2015 14:55

The cinema talking goes against social convention (unless one of those join-in things).

The money is odd but think he was making a crass joke.

The how to do a wrap - I think he just misunderstood you.

I think I would give it one more chance if the other 2 dates had been fine. But at the other 2 dates which went well, was there much chance of actually talking and getting to know each other more? Or was date 3 the one where you did the talking and found out he's a nightmare not your type.

JammyGem · 24/09/2015 14:57

It sounds like maybe he's not that socially aware - I hate to diagnose over the internet, but he sounds very similar to an ex of mine who had Asperger's... I did find it very difficult going out with him in public places, as I hate drawing attention to myself and didn't want to cause a scene, but knowing that it wasn't his fault did help.

Obviously it's up to you whether you think you'd be able to cope with this behaviour in the long-run. I don't think anyone would blame you for telling him that you can't make the next date.

squoosh · 24/09/2015 14:57

'he immediately caught the attention of the waitress and asked her to come across before telling her that I wasnt sure how to make the wraps and could she show me how to do it!'

Grin Grin

He sounds irritating but not a bad bloke. Don't think you're suited though!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 24/09/2015 14:59

Grin one day you will look back on this with fondness and laugh

GlitzAndGigglesx · 24/09/2015 14:59

I find it really tacky when people want to brag about their money like that. He sounds irritating

NotMeUsNotIWe · 24/09/2015 15:00

Ooh I think I'd just leave it at that op. Probably a nice enough bloke (for some one else Grin ) but those little irritations early on suggest he's not your type. Maybe just let him down gently eh?

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/09/2015 15:01

He sounds massively unfunny, which has been a total turn-off for me in the past. If he was incredibly sexy and you loved everything about him, you would find this quirky and endearing. You don't, time to move on.

Justmuddlingalong · 24/09/2015 15:02

He sounds nervous, you sound uptight. He would be more nervous on the next date because of your behaviour, you would be more uptight because of his. I'd cancel and move on.

hackedoffnow · 24/09/2015 15:02

GrinHe sounds like a right dingbat! You have cheered me up tho and I enjoyed reading about your shinanigans - he's not a keeper.

Janeymoo50 · 24/09/2015 15:03

Give him one last chance, it could have been just of those nights that you might laugh at in a few months - what's the next date consist of?? (not that I'm looking forward to hearing about it you understand!!).

tectonicplates · 24/09/2015 15:06

Something tells me this bloke has a lot of first dates, but no second ones. Avoid.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 24/09/2015 15:07

You come across as being embarrassed to be seen with him

Cinema annoying talking about film on way out well it's what people do bar thing really others are that interested in you both? the wrap thing I thought he was taking the piss out of you for being condescending maybe not

likeifyouhate · 24/09/2015 15:08

I'd still go on the date.

Maybe he's really starting to like you and therefore was more nervous on this date?

If you don't enjoy yourself then at least you know for sure that theres no point after that.

Number3cometome · 24/09/2015 15:08

Well i'm kind of between 'What a twerp' and 'ahh bless him'

Ok so he misunderstood the whole wrap thing, yeah that was embarrassing, but the cash thing wouldn't have bothered me at all.

I think once someone starts grating on your nerves everything they do after continues to do so and you become less tolerant of them.

Perhaps this one has run it's course?

Personally i'd go for date number 4 and report back.

likeifyouhate · 24/09/2015 15:09

Something tells me this bloke has a lot of first dates, but no second ones. Avoid

Except this was the third date?

Confused
OneDay103 · 24/09/2015 15:09

Yanbu, he sounds like he has NO social awareness whatsoever and you probably will spend the entire relationship going between annoyed and irritated. Better to end it now.
He sounds highly annoying and immature .

InimitableJeeves · 24/09/2015 15:10

I wouldn't give him another chance. The cinema talking thing suggests an inconsiderate twat, and anyway you and he are clearly totally not on each other's wavelength.

tectonicplates · 24/09/2015 15:11

Apologies - I had missed that bit Blush

Itsmine · 24/09/2015 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorktoLive · 24/09/2015 15:15

It sounds like he was very drunk?

hellsbellsmelons · 24/09/2015 15:17

Hell no - run away.
Why put yourself through anymore of this?

OneDay103 · 24/09/2015 15:17

It could have been that he was on his best behavior on the first two dates and let his true side shine Hmm on the third date.
And urgh with all the 'ooh miss' lines. How immature.

diddl · 24/09/2015 15:17

Apart from the talking in the cinema, I think he thinks that he's funny.

Some people might find him so.

I had a friend like this.

There was always some scenario/comment to be made, preferably loud enough to attract an audience.