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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being mad at 'date' for his behaviour?

191 replies

Wanshu · 24/09/2015 14:45

Met a guy online. Met up one night and he seemed alright so I arranged date number 2. That one went ok so this brings us to date number 3 ...

We went to cinema and he talked all the way through the movie. People were turning around and I was getting embarrassed. He was actually talking about the movie to be fair but even so! Anyway I said to him politely "let's talk about it later when we leave". He made a stupid "oooo! Ive been told off!" comment and I heard tutting from behind us. So uncomfortable as I hate drawing attention to myself.

So - moving forward we got out (finally!) and as we were leaving he was loudly discussing the plot whilst people were queuing up to see it!! I said playfully "shh you'll spoil it for this lot!" and he did the same "ooo you are miss authoritative tonight!" at this point I was so wound up I just wanted to shout "fuck off!!!" at him (but didn't).

So I admit I may have been a bit tetchy from this point on ...

We walked into our chosen restaraunt were we were told to sit at the bar whilst a table became available. Gladly I sat down. He sat beside me, started raking into his pockets and then dumped a load of change onto the bar and said "what do you reckon we could get with that?" Shock Jesus H Christ. I was mortified. A group of blokes were looking and laughing, he seemed completely oblivious. I said "just put the money away and we'll just order something! if we don't have enough on us they accept card!". I may have been a bit snappy at this point. He looked offended. collected the change and asked what I wanted. I told him I'd buy the drinks and I did so. As we were sat drinking in awkward silence he asked me if he'd done something wrong as I'd seemed quite stand offish and snappy all night!!! Not wanting a full on conversation in front of the bar staff and the group of blokes I said "no, don't worry about it, I just don't like getting money out in public." At this point he said "oh don't worry I'm not skint, I have ... " and then he proceeded to rake a load of £10 and £20 notes out of his pocket and counted them in front of me!!!!! is it me or what??? How embarrassing. So I said "you're doing it again! people are looking! just put the money away and let's enjoy our drinks and food without thinking about money".

Anyway this conversation went on and on ...

Final straw, we sat down and I ordered fajita wraps. He ordered something different. When it arrived my serving was huge and basically it looked like it would be a military operation turning this huge plate of meat and veg into wraps (it was a DIY job!). So I laughed and said "oh wow! where do I start here?!" so he asked what I meant. Hmm. I said "I just don't know where to start. looks nice though doesn't it?" - well he immediately caught the attention of the waitress and asked her to come across before telling her that I wasnt sure how to make the wraps and could she show me how to do it! I mean for fucks sake, I've never felt so ridiculous in all my life. I told her I was fine and could manage. When she'd left I asked him why he'd done that and he said he was trying to be helpful. I told him he'd really embarrassed me and he said I'd been off with him all night and he wished I'd just told him what was wrong.

I can be a moody cow. I'm not denying that but was my frustration warranted on this occasion and AIBU to now be considering calling it all off? We're meant to be going out this weekend and he keeps texting saying how he's looking forward to it and has changed his hours at work for it. The other dates were fine, just the last one which was a nightmare. Am I being harsh?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 24/09/2015 15:19

I don't think you are compatible. His social awareness seems to be blunted and you are unusually easily embarrassed - not a good combination. Plus you can't communicate with him.

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/09/2015 15:20

"As we were sat drinking in awkward silence he asked me if he'd done something wrong as I'd seemed quite stand offish and snappy all night!!! Not wanting a full on conversation in front of the bar staff and the group of blokes I said "no, don't worry about it, I just don't like getting money out in public." "
Sorry, but this is where you were unreasonable. You should have told him then that his talking in the cinema had made you uncomfortable. So what if the bar staff/other customers heard? What are they to you, you need never see them again. And, have you told him at all? Or is he still in the dark about it?

Yes, his lack of cinema manners would have me dumping him, but at least have the decency to be straight with him as to why you were standoffish/snappy/he is dumped.

ValancyJane · 24/09/2015 15:20

He sounds quite socially oblivious! How was he on the first and second dates?

MotherOfFlagons · 24/09/2015 15:21

Sorry, OP, but this is what he made me think of:

For being mad at 'date' for his behaviour?
lorelei9 · 24/09/2015 15:22

OMD

no way would I even consider going out with him again!

Waltermittythesequel · 24/09/2015 15:24

I don't understand; was he trying to be funny with the wrap thing? And the coins/money thing?

If he was trying to be funny, he sounds like a twat.

If not, well, I hate to diagnose too but, as PP said; could it be Aspergers?

Either way, you sound like you're more concerned with the opinion of strangers than he is so I'd just go your separate ways at this point

ivykaty44 · 24/09/2015 15:24

Sounds like he was nervous and due to this he irritated you, it does sound like you are different folks so would just tell him you don't see that you are compatible and wish him luck.

No real harm done. Tbh I thought the thread was going to be about trying to get in your knickers to soon

MaxPepsi · 24/09/2015 15:27

I'd give it another go.

He does sound a bit of a prat, but maybe he was more nervous this time and trying to impress you more?

My DH can be socially awkward in some situations, can't we all? and it's cringeworthy, it really is. However it's because he knows he's out of his depth and he over compensates and tries to hard. He then knows he's fucked up and gets all tied up in knots trying to correct it and makes matters worse.
But god I love him despite it and I'm so glad I 'overlooked' this part of him as he's the best husband you could wish for.

LadyNym · 24/09/2015 15:30

Sounds very much like my dad or sister. They both have Asperger's. The fact he wasn't very socially aware and took you literally with the wrap really points to ASD to me (though, obviously it's impossible to say having never met him).

cjt110 · 24/09/2015 15:30

Perhaps he was nervous for some reason to begin with and your snappyness made him even more so, causing him to make more mistakes(?)

Alternatively, maybe he's got almost too comfy with you, making sarcastic, show off remarks/gestures.

Scobberlotcher · 24/09/2015 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bottlecap · 24/09/2015 15:34

Oy. That sounds rough, OP. I would be extreeeemely put off by all of the above.

How did it end? With a kiss....?

OneDay103 · 24/09/2015 15:35

The thing is do you even want to have a relationship where you need to be explaining these things to someone?

0dfod · 24/09/2015 15:40

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maras2 · 24/09/2015 15:42

Can't wait to show this to DH.He was like this on our first date.However that was 47 years ago and he was a very juvenile 19 year old.Grin He got better in time.Grin. Oops to much grinning. Blush (old gimmer just discovered emoticons)

thehypocritesoaf · 24/09/2015 15:43

Why on earth would she see him again? She thinks he's awful!

velourvoyageur · 24/09/2015 15:44

You don't like him, so don't go out with him, you don't need to find another reason :)

Keeptrudging · 24/09/2015 15:49

I was laughing reading this. This could be my husband you're writing about. He is at times very loud, does things that make me want to hide under the table, but like Max Pepsi I'm so glad I saw past this. He is a wonderful man, most definitely a 'keeper' and once we got past the first dates stage I was comfortable enough to nip his leg/give him 'the look' if he was being too OTT. He's just unaware, it's part of his charm that he's so enthusiastic/not worrying about what other people think!

Waltermittythesequel · 24/09/2015 15:53

See, it doesn't sound remotely charming to me. It sounds hideous!

But that's the point really, isn't it.

Horses for courses. For every one of me there's a keep or max who find it endearing! :)

You're just not suited!

Hoppinggreen · 24/09/2015 15:53

Well he sounds like he's lacking a bit of social awareness but you embarrass very easily

AnUtterIdiot · 24/09/2015 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trickydecision · 24/09/2015 15:56

Sounds like a date with Mr Bean.

mumofthemonsters808 · 24/09/2015 15:59

I'm visualising Alan Partridge.

Keeptrudging · 24/09/2015 16:00

You sound quite uptight, I think I would be feeling 'got at' if I got told not to talk about a film when I was coming out, or for putting change on a table etc. You sound very aware/anxious about what everyone around you thinks, when your attention should really be on the person your with.

squoosh · 24/09/2015 16:01

I'm picturing Timmy Mallet.

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