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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being mad at 'date' for his behaviour?

191 replies

Wanshu · 24/09/2015 14:45

Met a guy online. Met up one night and he seemed alright so I arranged date number 2. That one went ok so this brings us to date number 3 ...

We went to cinema and he talked all the way through the movie. People were turning around and I was getting embarrassed. He was actually talking about the movie to be fair but even so! Anyway I said to him politely "let's talk about it later when we leave". He made a stupid "oooo! Ive been told off!" comment and I heard tutting from behind us. So uncomfortable as I hate drawing attention to myself.

So - moving forward we got out (finally!) and as we were leaving he was loudly discussing the plot whilst people were queuing up to see it!! I said playfully "shh you'll spoil it for this lot!" and he did the same "ooo you are miss authoritative tonight!" at this point I was so wound up I just wanted to shout "fuck off!!!" at him (but didn't).

So I admit I may have been a bit tetchy from this point on ...

We walked into our chosen restaraunt were we were told to sit at the bar whilst a table became available. Gladly I sat down. He sat beside me, started raking into his pockets and then dumped a load of change onto the bar and said "what do you reckon we could get with that?" Shock Jesus H Christ. I was mortified. A group of blokes were looking and laughing, he seemed completely oblivious. I said "just put the money away and we'll just order something! if we don't have enough on us they accept card!". I may have been a bit snappy at this point. He looked offended. collected the change and asked what I wanted. I told him I'd buy the drinks and I did so. As we were sat drinking in awkward silence he asked me if he'd done something wrong as I'd seemed quite stand offish and snappy all night!!! Not wanting a full on conversation in front of the bar staff and the group of blokes I said "no, don't worry about it, I just don't like getting money out in public." At this point he said "oh don't worry I'm not skint, I have ... " and then he proceeded to rake a load of £10 and £20 notes out of his pocket and counted them in front of me!!!!! is it me or what??? How embarrassing. So I said "you're doing it again! people are looking! just put the money away and let's enjoy our drinks and food without thinking about money".

Anyway this conversation went on and on ...

Final straw, we sat down and I ordered fajita wraps. He ordered something different. When it arrived my serving was huge and basically it looked like it would be a military operation turning this huge plate of meat and veg into wraps (it was a DIY job!). So I laughed and said "oh wow! where do I start here?!" so he asked what I meant. Hmm. I said "I just don't know where to start. looks nice though doesn't it?" - well he immediately caught the attention of the waitress and asked her to come across before telling her that I wasnt sure how to make the wraps and could she show me how to do it! I mean for fucks sake, I've never felt so ridiculous in all my life. I told her I was fine and could manage. When she'd left I asked him why he'd done that and he said he was trying to be helpful. I told him he'd really embarrassed me and he said I'd been off with him all night and he wished I'd just told him what was wrong.

I can be a moody cow. I'm not denying that but was my frustration warranted on this occasion and AIBU to now be considering calling it all off? We're meant to be going out this weekend and he keeps texting saying how he's looking forward to it and has changed his hours at work for it. The other dates were fine, just the last one which was a nightmare. Am I being harsh?

OP posts:
Keeptrudging · 25/09/2015 07:17

I'm glad your date went ok, because it sounds like you do actually like each other. As for the 'little Missy' comment, my DH works in a very 'male' industry. We had some very frank discussions in the early days about some of the ways he used language and why it wasn't ok. He was very unaware of why I found certain terms derogatory as no - one had ever told him. He's not sexist, but some of his language was, like talking about 'this wee girl' at work etc.

hackmum · 25/09/2015 09:09

After several years together, couples start to annoy each other. This guy is annoying you on the third date. It's not going to get better from now on.

Talking through a film is very anti-social and inconsiderate. The rest of it all sounds like twattishness.

RainbowRoses · 25/09/2015 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 25/09/2015 09:24

Did you actually talk to him about what went wrong last time? He sounds socially unaware and as though he needs you to be very clear about what is and isn't acceptable (if you want to keep seeing him, which it wold seem that you do). The meal thing sounded as though he didn't understand what you meant (he even asked you to clarify!), took you literally and thought you needed help making the wraps - he was therefore trying to help (not to embarrass you) by asking the waitress to show you how.

Theycallmemellowjello · 25/09/2015 09:59

Ughh he sounds completely awful. Why bother seeing him again? I don't think you need to explain what went wrong, he's not your type and he seems like a complete idiot. Yes, relationships take work, but they shouldn't on the first few dates! Don't waste your time.

squoosh · 25/09/2015 10:05

Did he turn up with a pirate-esque open front oversized white frilly shirt and a sash tied around his head? Mines did. And then procedeed to swig wine from a plastic carrier bag all the way through the film.

Shock Grin
0dfod · 25/09/2015 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

XiCi · 25/09/2015 20:46

I just don't understand why you would even consider seeing him again. Why why why???
And another date at the cinema? Christ, you really are a sucker for punishment

triathlon · 25/09/2015 21:11

I think he shouldn't make fun of you if you speak up. "Ooh I've been told off" seems like a put-down of you for having your own opinions. Just something to watch out for IMO.

lorelei9 · 27/09/2015 10:59

OP, wondering how the latest date went...?

Snossidge · 27/09/2015 11:20

You're not obliged to go out with anyone. You didn't enjoy the date, I wouldn't go on another one.

Scremersford · 27/09/2015 11:24

Snossidge You're not obliged to go out with anyone. You didn't enjoy the date, I wouldn't go on another one.

Clearly, some posters on here think you are! Presumably they think you just have to stick at it until you find him bearable, despite his behaviour being full of red flags. After all, you might miss out on a potential husband!

CactusAnnie · 27/09/2015 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notgivingin789 · 27/09/2015 11:37

Op, I was laughing when I read this Grin. He does seem like a sweet guy honestly, but it does sound like that he may have Asperges syndrome.

Hotpatootietimewarp · 27/09/2015 12:02

I too am wondering how the latest date went?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/09/2015 12:18

Nobody is obliged to date anybody.

But I feel really sorry for him. Other than the talking in the cinema thing I think you getting embarrased was your problem

Garrick · 27/09/2015 13:12

Keeptrudging, I wonder if your DH's language was worrying in the same way as "Little miss authoritative" and "Ooh, I've been told off"?

Talking about the wee girl at work is off, as you say, and it's lovely to hear you pulled him up on it and he's now got the message about diminishing women through speech :) But did he directly belittle you and your actions this way?

I might expect someone with 'very male' speech habits to call you a dickhead, for instance, but using camp put-downs to dismiss you when you try to assert yourself is different. OP's entitled to respect for her feelings and opinions, even if he doesn't think she's justified. The money-flashing was the same thing again: he heard what she said about his 'witty' pile of cash, then repeated the offence with notes.

It looks like Wanshu's going to to stick at it until she finds him bearable (thanks, Scremersford Grin) anyway. I was just curious about whether your story was really comparable.

Garrick · 27/09/2015 13:14

Btw, I talk during films! I can't help it - at least, I can't if the film's engaged me - and I have to warn people I'm with Blush

OneDay103 · 27/09/2015 13:32

Garrick do you realize how inconsiderate and selfish that is? You can help it, just choose be rude!

Waltermittythesequel · 27/09/2015 13:37

You don't have to warn people, you can help it!

That's so rude and attention seeking.

Starkswillriseagain · 27/09/2015 13:46

You need to occupy your tongue Garrick. I suck drumsticks during Made in Chelsea and TOWIE because it's enraged me and there's no where to go to get away from it. I save the ranting until after Grin

Do you talk at the cinema? Or when watching on DVD or both?

Starkswillriseagain · 27/09/2015 13:46

Just realised that sounds a bit smutty Blush

Fallstar · 27/09/2015 14:01

Him talking through the film would have made my mind up for me. It's a shitty thing to do and ruins the (very expensive!) experience for everyone else.

How was the latest date OP?

Garrick · 27/09/2015 14:12

You need to occupy your tongue Garrick. - Yeah, I used to smoke through the film Grin

Don't worry, everybody. I can't afford to go to the cinema any more. Plus, I'm not issuing a running commentary, it's more like yelping when surprised, ooh-in and aah-ing, and muttering "Oh, for god's sake" when a character does something stupid. I'm far more verbose at home - but nobody's here except the cat, and she thinks I'm talking to her.

I used to ask XH things like "Are we supposed to know what he's doing?" and say "We've been there!" ... and my best friend and I would ask each other where we'd seen an actor before.

So, yeah, I guess I am irritating!

Garrick · 27/09/2015 14:15

That's so rude and attention seeking - Eh? Whose attention do you think I'm seeking? Bollocks. I'm just very verbal.

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