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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get very cross when DSD wears this shirt?

183 replies

LittleSnaily · 24/09/2015 08:49

DSD has a shirt that says "escaped from psycho ward" on it.

I find it really offensive. Do has explained this to her but she still wears it.

She is always talking about people being racist and homophobic and how dreadful it is but then she does this to wind me up!

I have been a mental health patient in the past so I'm probably hyper sensitive.

Aibu?

OP posts:
SniffsandSneezes · 24/09/2015 23:14

When I was 16 I had a baby pink Playboy t-shirt with a white rugby collar and a playboy bunny logo embroidered on it. It was tight fitting and rode up at the front because I had big boobs. I thought it was great.

My point is, sometimes teenagers wear shit t-shirts.

MistressChalk · 24/09/2015 23:23

Yes Sniffs but the OP and several others are making the point that some of those t-shirts are potentially offending a lot of people by mocking their health conditions. More than a health condition in my opinion, my diagnosis is my actual personality. It is ingrained. It is me. So that t-shirt is offensive to me because it outright mocks me for being me. It is exactly the same as someone being mocked for being a woman or Chinese or black or any other fundamental aspect of their being.

ouryve · 24/09/2015 23:28

It is wrong to assume offence for others

And even more wrong to assume lack of offence in some - some who are potentially feeling quite fragile and isolated, in this case.

Bulbasaur · 24/09/2015 23:30

Unfortunately you don't have the right to not be offended.

But, you do have the right to not allow that t-shirt in your house.

As someone who has gone through psychosis, I don't personally find the shirt offensive, I'd probably laugh.

Not everyone is the same.

That said, I really would consider two things:

  1. Is she just wearing this to wind you up?
  2. Is this really worth the battle?

I'm not sure I'd take a teen who has far more energy to put into a stupid t-shirt to the mat about this.

sproketmx · 24/09/2015 23:35

Racist words are only hurtful if intended that way. Wee lassie at the school with my son openly says her family owns 'the chinky' and if you tell her it's not pc she says why? You don't say you're going to the fish and chip shop you say your going to the chippie so you're not going to the Chinese food shop you're going to the chinky. She's hard as nails too, gave ma eldest a black eye once.

ephemeralfairy · 24/09/2015 23:37

YANBU OP. To me, jokes about MH are as bad as racist, sexist or homophobic jokes. But think a lot of people don't realise that. I have a friend who is very vocal in her political correctness, shall we say; always pulling people up on body shaming/casual racism/'gay' jokes. Which is admirable. However, she once told a joke about schizophrenia which was not funny at all, and really quite offensive. When I pointed out how not OK it was, she was mortified. she just hadn't thought about it.

Would you walk around in a t-shirt with some pathetic joke about leukaemia, heart disease or stroke? No. Freedom of speech can go to fucking far sometimes. In my opinion it IS a form of hate speech as it stigmatizes, alienates and belittles vulnerable people.

sproketmx · 24/09/2015 23:50

How? My gran was sent to stratheden which is our mental hospital ir sanitary um as it were at the time and she'd fungi Fucking hilarious. She once joked about stealing me a straight jacket and a couple of rolls of rubber wallpaper from the place for a Halloween costume. Sometimes you have to laugh at yourself.

MistressChalk · 25/09/2015 00:06

Yes I shall laugh at my severe psychosis and schizophrenia that can get so bad that if I don't take medication for the rest of my life, that life won't be very long at all. Fucking hilarious.

sproketmx · 25/09/2015 00:13

Maybe if you didn't take it so serious and joked about it ut would be better? My grans was manic depression which is called bipolar nowadays and she took the piss out herself about it. Made her more open to people about it rather than people treating her with kid gloves over it. Also made it easier to address an 'episode' when it happened because she was so open about it.

MistressChalk · 25/09/2015 00:15

Are you seriously suggesting schizophrenia can be cured with laughter?

sproketmx · 25/09/2015 00:32

Nah, I never said that anywhere. I just meant atop being so uptight about it. I gave u my grans example and her diagnosis for comparison but nowhere did I mention schizophrenia I merely said if you loosen up a little u might find it helps. I dont doubt in my grans world when her illness to hold it was the worst thing imaginable fir her but she was able to laugh it off and make hikes about it herself. She lived a long happy life btw and died age 86 holding my hand Sept 16th 2001 btw. Her being able to laugh at herself and be herself was the biggest impression she left on me. Most respected person on my life ever but part of that was her ability to brush shit off and not care Wtf anyone else said or thought despite her illness

brokenhearted55a · 25/09/2015 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glasspumpkin · 25/09/2015 00:44

I would just hide the bloody thing and that would be that, I would have done that before it became an issue so she wouldn't have had a clue I was even upset about it.

Have done this with many an Ex's item of clothing that I found too embarrassing to be seen with.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 25/09/2015 01:04

No family member of mine would be wearing this shirt in my house, or wearing it to leave the house on my watch. I agree with those who are saying it's the kind of tasteless, stereotype- and misconception-based joke that nobody would accept about any other personal attribute or health condition. I would no sooner put up with anyone I had any kind of influence or authority over wearing this than I would allow them to 'black up' or wear T-shirts with racist/sexist/homophobic slogans.

brokenhearted55a · 25/09/2015 01:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TendonQueen · 25/09/2015 01:24

If you've tried to argue the case and she won't listen, then I think the shirt should mysteriously disappear next time it's left somewhere or put in the laundry. You never saw it. Very odd. Wink

leghoul · 25/09/2015 01:42

OP I would be very cross about a shirt like that. I don't think you are unreasonable. It is important.

kali110 · 25/09/2015 02:05

You can not like the tshirt but not have the right to say she can't wear it.
I've had mental health problems, very bAd ones since i were 16.i'm in my 30's now.
I would Love that tshirt.
I had one with pyscho bitch on when i were a teen.
Not everybody who has these problems are offended by these types of words.
I can be a psycho or a nutter, without my mh problems. I can laugh about it. Others may not.
I would wear the tshirt though.

kali110 · 25/09/2015 02:08

I think it's terrible people advising you to destroy or lose her property simply because you don't like it.
That will really help to get her to see you reasons won't it?
My mother hated my clothes, got rid of numerous things that she didn't like etc yes we get on now, but we are not very close and never will be. Partly for doing things like this.

Tiptops · 25/09/2015 02:32

I don't know why others are bringing up the shit T-shirts they wore as teens. Unless they were shit because they included a disablist 'joke' it's irrelevant. I wore shit T-shirts as a teen, but funnily enough managed to avoid wearing one that was offensive to people who are largely already feeling stigmatised and fragile. People who are sick.

OP, YANBU at all. Thank you for taking a stand against MH discrimination. As the thread shows, far too many people belittle how important this is.

SirVixofVixHall · 25/09/2015 11:24

There is a huge difference between someone who has had a mentla health problem making fun of it, with black humour, and someone else with no knowledge or understanding doing the same thing. Black rappers may be able to use the N word with impunity but my white dds using that word would be grounded for a year.
OP having thought more about it, I think making it clear that you feel rather sorry for her for being so silly might work better than anything else.

sproketmx · 25/09/2015 19:44

Can't see my wee granny bothering about the shirt either tbh. She would probably approach her and tell her shed escaped too but not to tell anyone incase they recapture her, chuckle wink and be on her way Grin

bidibidi · 25/09/2015 20:21

yabvu. I have had (a few) mental illness crises before, what they used to call a nervous breakdown.

My mother & most of her family had moderate mental illness (depression, bipolar).

My brothers have had OCD, schizophrenia, don't know what else.

Me & my brothers would wear the shirt not realising it meant us. Not only do I think the t-shirt is a complete non-issue, I'm finding the umbrage on this thread ridiculous. The t-shirt isn't about real people. Not offensive.

DixieNormas · 25/09/2015 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bolograph · 25/09/2015 20:31

Well my understanding of 'psycho' is not of someone with mental health issues at all, it's usually used to refer to people like Stuart Sutcliffe and Myra Hindley

Stuart Sutcliffe was the original bassist for the Beatles, who died in 1962. Presumably you mean Peter Sutcliffe, the serial killer.

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