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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get very cross when DSD wears this shirt?

183 replies

LittleSnaily · 24/09/2015 08:49

DSD has a shirt that says "escaped from psycho ward" on it.

I find it really offensive. Do has explained this to her but she still wears it.

She is always talking about people being racist and homophobic and how dreadful it is but then she does this to wind me up!

I have been a mental health patient in the past so I'm probably hyper sensitive.

Aibu?

OP posts:
longdiling · 24/09/2015 09:24

How old is she? If she's an older teenager then I don't think there's much you can do about it. If she's younger then I don't think you would be unfair to say 'not around me/in our house' about the t-shirt.

What's your relationship with her like generally? Is she really doing this to wind you up?

Original poster
LittleSnaily · 24/09/2015 09:25

This falls into DH category as I leave parenting to him. She is in late teens.

I am annoyed with him for clearly doing a crap job tbh.

I am going to tell him that if I see it again I'm going to throw it out. It's just hate material as far as I'm convened.

OP posts:
WyrdByrd · 24/09/2015 09:26

If, as your OP says, she's doing it to wind you up, it really is best ignored although I would be fuming if my DD wore something like that too.

It does sound like she knows what she's doing is pressing your buttons and the more obvious that is the more she'll do it.

WyrdByrd · 24/09/2015 09:28

Does she live with you?

I think if she's late teens then she's basically an adult and there is really nothing you can do - the more your raise the issue the more she will wear it, and if you throw it out I suspect all hell will break loose and she'll probably go out and buy something even more offensive.

I don't mean to sound unsupportive - I've had MH issues and would be really pissed off but I don't think there is anything you can do here without making the situation worse.

CatMilkMan · 24/09/2015 09:30

I think it's absolute madness to expect your step daughter to censor her actions because you can't control your emotions.
This isn't racism or hate speech and it's ok to be offended but expecting her to alter herself because of your feelings is not fair.

WyrdByrd · 24/09/2015 09:32

Perhaps you get one of these and put it on every time she wears hers!

To get very cross when DSD wears this shirt?
DixieNormas · 24/09/2015 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reni2 · 24/09/2015 09:37

Do you cook stir-fries? Have you ever smelled fish sauce accidentally dripped on clothing? Add a couple of drops right on the armpit seams so the smell can develop Grin. She can smell as offensive as she looks in this. Repeat when it goes in the wash.

honeysucklejasmine · 24/09/2015 09:38

I am really surprised by people saying this is OK! I would hope a teenager spouting about homophobia and racism to know better. Agree with pp that you should compare it to words like spaz, retard, mong etc and other horribly offensive terms.

If she's late teen she's old enough to know better.

FWIW I don't have MH issues myself and still find it offensive, and I work with teenagers.

longdiling · 24/09/2015 09:38

Maybe you should get yourself a t-shirt OP...

t-shirt

attheendoftheday · 24/09/2015 09:39

The shirt sounds really offensive. But I don't think there's much you can do except tell her you find it offensive.

longdiling · 24/09/2015 09:39

Oops! Cross posted there!

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 24/09/2015 09:44

Cat, no it isn't racism but it is (I would argue) the equivalent of wearing a racist slogan on your chest.

Op, I don't know what to suggest, but you are not u to feel hurt and angry.

Mermaidhair · 24/09/2015 09:55

It's obvious from some responses on here that there are still some people who remain ignorant to mh issues. Yanbu op, you have every right to be upset, as does anybody with mh issues or families affected by it. What a horrible shirt.

SirVixofVixHall · 24/09/2015 10:07

I wouldn't let my dds wear it ,it would be an absolute no. I can see why you are upset. If it was my dd I would explain why it is offensive and then ask her not to wear it, but if she refused I would probably throw it out. I am easy going about lots of things but offensive slogans would not be allowed. However this is slightly different as she isn't your daughter, and as you say she is wearing it to wind you up, then it is more tricky. It is up to her Mum and Dad to sort it out. Her Dad should deal with her wearing it in your home. Perhaps to lighten the situation her Dad could get a T shirt printed with something she thinks unspeakably embarrassing and wear it on every occasion that he sees her with her friends until a truce is called?

iamanintrovert · 24/09/2015 10:09

It's not OK for her to continue to wear a shirt that offends you, in a house that you share. Provided that the reasons have been explained to her, which they have. You are one of the adults in the house. I think it's reasonable to ask her not to wear it, and expect her to comply. If she doesn't comply then I think it's reasonable to take it away.

Original poster
LittleSnaily · 24/09/2015 10:10

Yes I briefly toys with getting a God Hates Fags shirt but then remembered that I am the grown up... :)

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 24/09/2015 10:10

I love the fish sauce idea...genius.
(I may have once "accidentally" dropped a pair of DHs most hideous pants into the fire)

Straightjacketneeded · 24/09/2015 10:11

I suffer from mental health issues and I don't find this offensive whatsoever, if anything I would probably buy it myself and wear it. I make jokes all the time at my own expense, a favorite of mine is that I've got a new very fetching white jacket with sleeves that fasten at the back (Straight Jacket) But then again I've always made light of situations but I understand that not everyone is like this. But seriously don't lose any sleep over it.

ouryve · 24/09/2015 10:11

Do you reckon you could get her involved in some of your own campaigning? It might open her eyes to what a dick she's being.

Sadik · 24/09/2015 10:15

PaulAnkatheDog "Sadik really? What do teenagers near you wear? T-shirts covered in fluffy bunnies and rainbows?"
Usually plain branded t-shirts or t-shirts / hoodies with the logo of their netball/hockey/whatever team on the front and their name on the back. Not even band t-shirts like we used to wear.
I guess slogan t-shirts aren't 'a thing' round here . . .

iamaboveandBeyond · 24/09/2015 10:18

I (in theory) would wear it, precisely because of my mental health problems. Showing that someone who is mentally ill can look like anything. Iyswim?

So i dont think it is neccessarily offensive, depends what message she thinks it is putting across. Maybe?

Theycallmemellowjello · 24/09/2015 10:18

YANBU. If she lives in your house, I think you have a right to expect her not to wear offensive slogans on her tshirts. This is no different from a racist or homophobic message. Will her DF back you up on banning this shirt?

Original poster
LittleSnaily · 24/09/2015 10:19

I was working in a secure unit last week, perhaps I should take her and see how 'funny' it is... :/

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 24/09/2015 10:22

Next time she appears in it, go and put this on.

To get very cross when DSD wears this shirt?