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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 23/09/2015 21:11

Monica, wtf??

TattyDevine · 23/09/2015 21:12

Monica obviously feels that is what he should do.

I don't agree because it is up to them, but she's entitled to express that I suppose...

LittleRedRidingHoodie1 · 23/09/2015 21:19

Stealth if it isn't emotive why does his girlfriend need him to miss work to support her? Pop in, have an abortion, back to business. No? Didn't think so.

DinosaursRoar · 23/09/2015 21:24

I think you should also stick to your day off, Clack's text back is perfect, its not up to him to tell you to cancel your leave - if he needs the day off, he needs to talk to his boss, not decide for you that you need to enable that.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 23/09/2015 21:26

Keep your day off.

He can pull a sickie if necessary. Immediate staffing problems are your manager's problem, not yours.

gandalf456 · 23/09/2015 21:38

I'm not sure about this one. If he has personal problems, surely his manager should be letting him have the day off anyway? It should not be down to a member of staff to cancel their plans....Would your manager have expected you to cancel your day off if he had called in sick/resigned/not turned up. I think your manager is handling this very badly leaving the decision to you. If you can't change your day for whatever reason - even if you just don't want to - then it should be down to her, not you. Otherwise, this could happen every single time.

clam · 23/09/2015 21:40

Whilst I 'get' that it's 'first come, first served' on the holiday leave booking front, can the manager cancel that leave if there's a subsequent staffing crisis caused by someone pulling a sickie in a fit of pique at not getting their own way?

clam · 23/09/2015 21:41

And I agree with others that his presumptive text would have really hacked me off and made me more determined to keep to my plans.

Heathcliff27 · 23/09/2015 21:44

Dont cancel your day off, not your problem. I hate people who try and guilt trip like this. Did you reply to his text OP? Some of the earlier suggestions for replies are perfect. Maybe dont tell him to man up though Shock

lalalonglegs · 23/09/2015 22:15

Haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I have repeated others but do you think he could have applied for a load of interviews during his time off and now he has suddenly been given a second interview so needs that day off. Like many others, I am very skeptical about the abortion story. Is he generally a good guy or, as he sounds, a manipulative twat?

TattyDevine · 23/09/2015 22:20

He's a knob if he's lying about it - what a thing to lie about! But it would be much safer for him to take a sickie straight up rather than do that. Unless I suppose he didn't realise you had leave booked and took his chances, but still. Do update OP! We are dying to see how this plays out and we are all on your side by the looks of things.

TamaraLamara · 23/09/2015 22:25

do you think he could have applied for a load of interviews during his time off and now he has suddenly been given a second interview so needs that day off

I'd suspect something like this too.

Didactylos · 23/09/2015 23:06

hes taken his problem and tried to make it yours

he has no idea why you have taken the day off - and your reasons of an important career appointment are entirely valid. Equally it could be a travel issue, medical appointment, caring issue or a million other reasons why you have arranged that day and gone through the appropriate channels to get it approved

the point is, he doesn't care what you want. In his mind his life and issues are clearly more important than yours. Hes sent a text that basically assumed you will enable what he wants, the way he wants it (holiday, presumably paid leave). Ive got sympathy for the girlfriend if his story is true although doubt she would be keen for him to be using her personal medical history as a manipulation point with his colleagues.

bounce it back to him, suggest he asks for unpaid or carers leave
you are not a bitch

Muckogy · 23/09/2015 23:10

Didactylos
he's taken his problem and tried to make it yours.

This.
in fact, this sage piece of advice could be applied to many problems on here.

Jux · 23/09/2015 23:40

Don't rearrange the day off. It's nice that he wants to be with her, but you have important things to do too.

kungpopanda · 24/09/2015 06:00

I think your colleague is lying and has picked something that he thinks won't be challenged/dismissed. Even if it is true, his moll's gynae issues are no concern of yours.

Workplace cover is your boss's problem.

Sod the lot of them. Take your properly booked leave. Don't engage in discussion with your colleague.

toastyarmadillo · 24/09/2015 06:21

Yanbu take your day off, it is his problem to sort with the manager not yours. Good luck at the career advisors

Twinkie1 · 24/09/2015 06:29

What a complete arsehole.

He has so picked something for which he thinks you'll feel all sisterhoody on behalf of the girlfriend and ooohhh what a lovely supportive boyfriend on behalf of him when he has a bloody job interview.

Just text back, sorry, no can do, have an appointment which cannot be rearranged. Hope all goes well with girlfriend.

diggerdigsdogs · 24/09/2015 06:36

I am not place marking to find out what happens

Yanbu or a bitch.

RealityCheque · 24/09/2015 06:46

Clam - of course a manger cannot subsequently cancel someones already booked leave. That would be daft.

They can ask you to cancel. You can say no.
They can ask why not and what you have planned. You do not have to tell them. Say "I have personal stuff planned".

The sooner people stop being doormats around employment issues the better.

Savagebeauty · 24/09/2015 06:51

Oh he's definitely lying.
Take your day off.

QueenOfThorns · 24/09/2015 06:57

Please don't cancel your day off, OP, and don't feel bad. It's not your problem and your manager shouldn't make it your problem.

iamanintrovert · 24/09/2015 07:12

Definitely take your day off.

FishWithABicycle · 24/09/2015 07:13

RealityCheque - Clam - of course a manger cannot subsequently cancel someones already booked leave. That would be daft.

I believe they can actually, but usually need to give 2x the length of the leave as notice. There was an epic thread here where someone's holiday of a lifetime was being jeopardised by this - I think iirc the boss wanted to cancel her leave as another staff member had announced a pregnancy and was going to be off at the same time. But in the current case the OP's boss would have had to take action by tuesday evening to invoke this right.

KeyserSophie · 24/09/2015 07:17

He's totally lying. Stand your ground, and spit in his tea on Monday.

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