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Original poster

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 24/09/2015 07:22

You do all know that the OP has said that he isn't lying, don't you?

KeyserSophie · 24/09/2015 07:27

No, she's said she doesnt think he's lying. He's either lying or the world's worst oversharer, and an emotional blackmailer. Either way he sounds like a dick so I wouldnt help him out.

TamaraLamara · 24/09/2015 07:29

You do all know that the OP has said that he isn't lying, don't you?

No, I didn't know that. Where did she say that, I must have missed it?

(I asked you this same thing yesterday but you mustn't have seen it)

RattusRattus · 24/09/2015 07:34

Just tell him no. Don't feel guilty about it.

BertrandRussell · 24/09/2015 07:39

No I didn't miss it- I just thought you were just as capable of scrolling down as I am. However.

"Add message | Report | Message poster slowdancinginaburningroom Wed 23-Sep-15 17:14:37
I do believe him about the abortion."

TamaraLamara · 24/09/2015 07:43

No I didn't miss it- I just thought you were just as capable of scrolling down as I am. However.

"Add message | Report | Message poster slowdancinginaburningroom Wed 23-Sep-15 17:14:37
I do believe him about the abortion."

Why so rude, Bertrand?

The OP says she believes him. That doesn't mean he isn't lying. Sometimes people believe lies. Happens all the time.

BlowOnMySackbutt · 24/09/2015 07:53

Really and truly the OP shouldn't know about the abortion unless they are really good friends and the bf has confided in her as such (which clearly isn't the case). The information constitutes personal and sensitive information under the Data Protection Act and should not have been shared for any reason without the express permission/consent of the gf.

FWIW, I wouldn't cancel my annual leave in these circumstances.

Skiptonlass · 24/09/2015 07:55

If you're interested in career counselling, here's a free bit of advice :)

Don't ever JADE - justify, explain, defend, apologise unnecessarily.

His reasons for wanting a day off are irrelevant. Yours are irrelevant.

You've booked the day and had it approved. He's blocked the entire month.

Your manager is weak - mine is too, we also have to arrange our own cover and it leads to shit situations like this. Your manager should not be referring shit like this back to you. The company should not be operating on a basis where minor holiday quibbles threaten operations.

Your only possible reply via email and cc your boss as well as text is to say,

" I have appointments which cannot be changed and will not be able to cancel my leave. Please speak to (boss) regarding this."

Situations like this drive me insane - such poor management!

00100001 · 24/09/2015 08:02

you have shit manager if she is leaving this decision to you.

she is paid to M A N A G E the department, you aren't Confused

StealthPolarBear · 24/09/2015 09:11

Data protection laws really don't apply here!

ArendelleQueen · 24/09/2015 09:35

Bertrand Are you the person in question because you seem disproportionally cross with the OP?

ChickenTikkaMassala · 24/09/2015 09:55

Yeah data protection laws are not applicable in this situation.

EeyoresTail · 24/09/2015 10:38

I wouldn't change my holiday in your shoes OP I hope it gets sorted

StealthPolarBear · 24/09/2015 12:47

Any update op?

RealityCheque · 24/09/2015 13:47

Fish.

An employer CANNOT insist on cancelling leave ONCE it is authorised. Period.

The twice notice is the amount of notice an employee must give.
An employer can make you take certain days by giving notice. Or may prevent leave on certain days. But cannot cancel already approved leave.

WorktoLive · 24/09/2015 14:12

Not true Reality. In the armed forces and emergency services, they can do this. The OP hasn't said if she is on one of these sectors but it's still not absolutely true that leave cannot be cancelled.

A colleague is married to someone in the forces and her DH can be recalled at any time. Even if they were or about to go on holiday, they can insist he goes back immediately and he would be court martialled if he didn't.

Equally, if necessary emergency services leave can be cancelled if there was major unrest/disaster that needed all hands on deck.

They don't even compensate for lost holidays etc, but I understand you can buy insurance to cover this risk.

lougle · 24/09/2015 14:20

Not true, RealityCheque:
"(2) A worker’s employer may require the worker—
(a)to take leave to which the worker is entitled under regulation 13(1); or

(b)not to take such leave,

on particular days, by giving notice to the worker in accordance with paragraph (3).
(3) A notice under paragraph (1) or (2)—
(a)may relate to all or part of the leave to which a worker is entitled in a leave year;

(b)shall specify the days on which leave is or (as the case may be) is not to be taken and, where the leave on a particular day is to be in respect of only part of the day, its duration; and

(c)shall be given to the employer or, as the case may be, the worker before the relevant date.

(4) The relevant date, for the purposes of paragraph (3), is the date—
(a)in the case of a notice under paragraph (1) or (2)(a), twice as many days in advance of the earliest day specified in the notice as the number of days or part-days to which the notice relates, and

(b)in the case of a notice under paragraph (2)(b), as many days in advance of the earliest day so specified as the number of days or part-days to which the notice relates."

So the employer could tell OP that she can't have the leave one complete day before the leave she was granted, if it was a single day. Working Time Directive

tictactoad · 24/09/2015 14:21

There's a good chance he's already been to the manager who's told him to swivel hence the pressure direct to OP but even if he hasn't I'd be telling him the same.

He's had more than his turn. Someone else's go.

DinosaursRoar · 24/09/2015 14:30

I would fully expect him to call in sick tomorrow. Be sure to have your mobile switched off first thing...

shovetheholly · 24/09/2015 14:40

I am just shocked and flabbergasted by how selfish people in this thread are. Truly. Honestly, it is this kind of rigidity that makes the world a more miserable place for everyone to live in. I hope that this is just internet bravado, and that you wouldn't all behave this disgracefully in real life.

First of all, rearranging a day of leave is not a big sacrifices, particularly if you don't have anything important planned. Secondly, what happened to having an assertive conversation and reaching a compromise: 'OK, you take Friday, but I do need next Friday instead, so you will have to be in. I have to have a day soon, but understand about this week, of course you need to be with your GF!' Thirdly, whatever the OP's feelings about the guy in question, at the heart of this situation is a fellow woman in a situation in which any woman would want support. It's not like this was or could be planned. A little bit of solidarity here would go a long way.

I would expect a primary school child to be able to answer the ethics of this, since her pain and need so greatly outweigh those of the OP.

reni2 · 24/09/2015 14:43

But this particular colleague's needs have been more important all of September by the sound of it.

NotMeUsNotIWe · 24/09/2015 14:48

Oh for goodness sake shove have you read the thread? The woman is not the ops colleague or friend, the Ops colleague has demonstrated his selfishness and lack of consideration by booking all the leave for the month and the op DOES have something important planned!

People are getting really caught up with the GFs abortion but we know nothing at all about her support network and in any case the reason he wants leave is not relevant, the Op is not obliged to give up her day for someone else's needs. This is a matter for the colleague to sort with his manager, no one else.

RealityCheque · 24/09/2015 14:56

Work2live

You are correct about armed forces and emergency services. Standard holiday insurance tends to cover both of these. Op has said she is office based.

Lougle

Your quote has nothing to do with leave ALREADY APPROVED. It cannot be cancelled.

Despite what you may have read on other threads and general internet discussion, you are wrong about this. Furthermore, by arguing with people that have significant experience of working in this exact field, you are making yourself look rather foolish. HTH.

shovetheholly · 24/09/2015 15:04

Notme - I don't care if they hate each other, it's an ethical responsibility. It's absolutely bleeding obvious that a partner ought to be able to support a woman having an abortion - whatever the rest of her support network looks like. (And she might be all alone, who knows?)

The OP made it clear early on that it would be unfair on other staff for both of them to take time out at the same time. I agree that this is a management issue. However, in many jobs management has literally no money to sort out problems like this, and no ability to provide extra support. I have never worked in a position where it didn't matter if loads of people took time off simultaneously - there has always been a need to provide some level of cover for others, because jobs are a kind of collective endeavour and not just an individual contract.

Career counselling and a hair appointment can be easily reorganised. It is not like anyone is asking the OP to show saint-like self-deprivation, e.g. cancelling a weekend away or her wedding. She wouldn't even lose a day of holiday - it's a matter of picking up a phone and having two thirty-second conversations to rearrange appointments and then taking a day the following week (by which time we'll be in October, so presumably he'll be back at work - and, if not, willing to come in to give the OP a break).

NotMeUsNotIWe · 24/09/2015 15:09

I disagree that this is an ethical responsibility, the woman is not being prevented from having her procedure and it's a ridiculous stretch to suggest that poor op has some moral responsibility to this person! Far too much handwringing going on here, the GF will be supported by her partner on the day, the op has no involvement in the matter nor any responsibility for her.

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