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Original poster

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:
Carpaccio · 23/09/2015 19:26

You are not being selfish. You have booked your day off and it has been approved by your manager - it doesn't matter if your day off is spent on something that is less important than what a co-worker would do if he got the day off instead.

IMO he comes across as trying to pressure you into giving up your day off so he can have the day off instead. And that's just not on.

It doesn't matter if he is telling the truth or not - you have to prioritise yourself sometimes. He isn't going to do you any favours, is he?

eddielizzard · 23/09/2015 19:26

no fucking way should you cancel your career appt.

'you might have to cancel'

i'm swearing so much in my head that i can't type the words that fast.

no. no. no.

and you are not a bitch.

Marynary · 23/09/2015 19:32

Do people really think that work places will give "compassionate leave" because their girlfriend had an abortion on the previous day. I have had three miscarriages, each involving a day in hospital. It didn't cross my mind that DH would get compassionate leave from work the day afterwards.

OurBlanche · 23/09/2015 19:38

No, that's why we are suggesting it. We think he is lying... ball back in his court!

Binkybix · 23/09/2015 19:40

I think you should e mail back so he can't make any argument that he got the ok from you.

TamaraLamara · 23/09/2015 19:48

I think you should e mail back so he can't make any argument that he got the ok from you

Make sure you get a read receipt and cc your manager in too.

Andrewofgg · 23/09/2015 19:51

You have booked your day off and it has been approved by your manager - it doesn't matter if your day off is spent on something that is less important than what a co-worker would do if he got the day off instead.

Spot on. There is no hierarchy of reasons for leave - once booked it's yours and when you ask for it it's nobody's business why you want it. Any other rule is a standing temptation to piss on the people with no family responsibilities.

MonicaBilongame · 23/09/2015 19:54

Take the day off - you booked it first.

And tell him to man up, marry the girl and have the baby.

MrsDeVere · 23/09/2015 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickenTikkaMassala · 23/09/2015 19:57

MonicaBilongame your man up, marry the girl and have the baby comment is awful, what the fuck do you know about their situation?

Andrewofgg · 23/09/2015 19:58

And tell him to man up, marry the girl and have the baby.

Monica I hope that that is meant as a joke, because even if it is it is in poor taste. He won't be having the baby, married or not. Whether they marry is nobody else's business. And man up has always struck me as a very sexist phrase.

RaspberryOverload · 23/09/2015 20:06

I feel sorry for the GF, whether or not she is actually having an abortion.

OP, don't cancel the leave. Given the policy of only one person off at a time, the career appointment that you might not be able to re-arrange and that this was your first opportunity this month for leave, I certainly would not want to be cancelling leave, whatever the reason.

And this guy's presumptious attitude is assuming the OP will cancel would really get up my nose and lead me to refuse to cancel.

StealthPolarBear · 23/09/2015 20:07

Monica wtf??

LittleRedRidingHoodie1 · 23/09/2015 20:08

I find it a bit strange that he's shared his reason with you. I would have thought it would be a confidential and emotive issue.

StealthPolarBear · 23/09/2015 20:10

I don't necessarily think abortions have to be emotive or confidential. That said I'd hesitate before sharing anything more personal than am in growing toenail with colleagues that I don't consider friends.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/09/2015 20:11

Not your circus
Not your monkeys.

I might feel different if he had actually asked and not tried to pressure.

featherandblack · 23/09/2015 20:15

Can you call the appointments you have and see if there is any day over the next fortnight that they could both reschedule you for, then offer to take that day and that day only off instead?

featherandblack · 23/09/2015 20:15

Or better yet two separate days?

clam · 23/09/2015 20:34

Why on earth should she, feather?
I presume this bloke has known for a little while that his gf was going to have a termination - he ought to have saved some of his leave for it. Or not, it's actually irrelevant. You've booked the day, and it doesn't matter if you have vital appointments or are just going to sit at home, eat chocolates and paint your nails. He'll have to work around it.

clam · 23/09/2015 20:35

Anyway, this guy sounds so flaky that who's to say he won't jack in the job in the next week or two, leaving them without any cover for anyone else to take their leave. it may be the case that the OP takes this day now or has to wait ages.

DrDreReturns · 23/09/2015 20:42

No way would I cancel my day off for this. You booked it first, it's yours. It doesn't matter what you are doing on your day off. It's between the other person and your manager, the manager just needs to say 'No' to him. If he contacts you again about it just tell him to speak to your manager. You are not paid to deal with this stuff, your manager is. If she asks you to swap the day just say no, it's no ones business what you do on your day off.

Spectre8 · 23/09/2015 20:53

The decision should be undertaken by the manager not by you or him. He can ask to see if you are able to but you can say no as yours have been approved first and so he should then go back to his manager and together they should come to an agreement and it does not involve you. Its really not that hard or complicated.

Marynary · 23/09/2015 20:56

mary compassionate leave is discretionary. Of course its possible to get it to support someone close after a medical procedure. Particularly one that may be traumatic.

It may be discretionary but I am sure that most most work places will only give it if family or dependents die or are very sick or injured. I don't see how this situation would come into that category particularly the day afterwards if the girlfriend was physically healthy.

It is possible your OH could have got it when you had your MCs.
If a line manager does not agree it you can go above their heads and get it agreed by HR.

He may have got time off while I was in hospital but I very much doubt that he would have got compassionate leave the day afterwards!

Carlywurly · 23/09/2015 20:58

I bet he's got a bloody interview on the Friday.

Stick with your day off. No guilt.

clam · 23/09/2015 21:03

And the cynic in me suspects that he just doesn't fancy coming back in to work for one day (Friday) after such a long leave, so has made up needing an extra day following the termination that may or may not be happening.