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Original poster

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:
LieselVonTwat · 24/09/2015 15:11

How do you know the careers counselling can be easily rearranged shove, and that it isn't anything important? I haven't seen OP include any information that would allow us to presume that.

OurBlanche · 24/09/2015 15:13

No, shove. It is not the OPs ethical responsibility in any way, shape or form.

That is ridiculous, imagine how the world would be if your idea were in fact the norm - Top Trump Sad Stories to sort out who wins X Factor, Syria, Scotland, GBBO, lottery funding, NHS spending....

DM Sad Faces to be counted to see which Sad Story wins, MN Vipers to adjudicate in case of a tie break.

Pah!

NotMeUsNotIWe · 24/09/2015 15:14

Grin at top trumps blanche

InimitableJeeves · 24/09/2015 15:16

Shove, you really haven't read the thread, have you? This isn't a matter of supporting the GF when she has an abortion, it's the following day. Given that the colleague has taken the whole month off and she would have had at least two weeks to arrange the abortion, they could have arranged it for a time when he was already off. OP has made it clear that she has good reasons not to want to mess around the person who arranged the career interview, and it certainly isn't a simple matter of telling the colleague that she'll swop this Friday for next. And OP anyway had difficulty in arranging this appointment due to the colleague being off the rest of the month.

Original poster
slowdancinginaburningroom · 24/09/2015 15:21

Career counselling and a hair appointment can be easily reorganised. It is not like anyone is asking the OP to show saint-like self-deprivation, e.g. cancelling a weekend away or her wedding. She wouldn't even lose a day of holiday - it's a matter of picking up a phone and having two thirty-second conversations to rearrange appointments and then taking a day the following week

Hair appointment yes easily cancelled. My other appointment again can easily be cancelled but rearranging I doubt it.

It took a while to actually get the appointment in the first place and as I already said it was through my university.

University starts next week so the man who I'm seeing won't have the time to see me for who knows how long.

OP posts:
Original poster
slowdancinginaburningroom · 24/09/2015 15:24

That is ridiculous, imagine how the world would be if your idea were in fact the norm - Top Trump Sad Stories to sort out who wins X Factor, Syria, Scotland, GBBO, lottery funding, NHS spending....

This really.

I'm suffering with depression at the moment and just really trying to sort my life out.

My appointment felt like I was making a start, because I absolutely hate my job.

My colleague does not know this, and I wouldn't expect him to understand.

If the abortion was the same day then yes I would just cancel my day.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 24/09/2015 15:28

So, did you tell him no??

NotMeUsNotIWe · 24/09/2015 15:34

slowdancing you've booked a days leave to do something important, as you are entitled to do. Sounds like the job situation is very stressful given you mention people having left etc and none of this will be helping your depression.

Take the day, you are not responsible for your colleague or his partner or the situation in work.

Hope the appointment tomorrow is beneficial Flowers

shovetheholly · 24/09/2015 15:39

I accompanied my friend to have an abortion. She was told in no uncertain terms that she had to have someone with her for 24 hours minimum. The bastard guy in question did a runner, and there was no-one else she could tell or trust. So it's not just the day of the procedure- someone needs to be there for 24-36 hours afterwards. That could be a problem for a lot of people, particularly if they are having the procedure later in the day.

Not saying you don't matter, OP. Not at all. I know what it's like to be stuck in an awful job and to hate every second of it. It stinks to high heaven. Flowers

Vernonon · 24/09/2015 15:40

I wouldn't even consider changing the day or discussing it. If he wants the day off he can beg the manager or call in sick. Enjoy your day

shovetheholly · 24/09/2015 15:40

EMMANUEL LEVINAS.

That is all.

OurBlanche · 24/09/2015 15:42

Still not OPs problem! You were BU to try to lay any responsibility at OPs door, as is her colleague!

CocktailQueen · 24/09/2015 15:43

YANBU, OP. You booked it first - take the day off.

redexpat · 24/09/2015 15:45

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off. Has he actually formerly requested the day off with your manager, or just asked you via sms to give up yours?

OurBlanche · 24/09/2015 15:46

What has a dead phenomenologist got to do with the price of tea?

Or, are you negating the colleague's (a man) ethics and behvaiour by enforcing philosophical intelligibility upon only the OP (a woman) thus reinforcing the very ontology MN exists to question?

NotMeUsNotIWe · 24/09/2015 15:49

Shove you supported your friend through her abortion and that's great and no doubt she appreciated it. I'm assuming you didn't contact a colleague and demand that they cancel their leave in order to facilitate you providing this support on the basis they had some ethitical responsibility Hmm

Jux · 24/09/2015 16:00

It is completely irrelevant who has the most important thing to do. You booked the day off for something which is important to you and cannot be rearranged easily. You booked the day first and it is yours. Take it.

If he doesn't turn up do not give in to anyone asking you to come in. You cannot. Don't answer calls from work and tell them that you won't be available on the phone. In fact turn your phone off unless you need to use it.

His gf will have still had an abortion on Saturday and he can arrange something extra special for her. Bet he doesn't though.

emotionsecho · 24/09/2015 16:06

shove whatever cover the OP's colleague's GF needs is not the OPs responsibility either ethically, morally or any other lly. The colleague should organise whatever cover/support required for his GF.

Stop trying to emotionally blackmail an already depressed OP with your ethical, help a fellow woman suffering diatribe because that is morally wrong.

emotionsecho · 24/09/2015 16:08

OP do not back down, take your day off with a clear conscience and I hope the career counselling helps.

Yamayo · 24/09/2015 16:13

Yes good luck OP let us know how it goes!

amicissimma · 24/09/2015 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve · 24/09/2015 16:18

I've read the first couple of pages and the last few posts. He's got the important day off. Given that he's effectively blocked off the entire rest of the month from the whole office, he can sing for the Friday. For all he knows you could have taken the day off for an important medical procedure, but that's none of his business.

And given the office situation, I'd say the career counselling is pretty important, even if it isn't exactly life and death.

gamerchick · 24/09/2015 16:21

Stick to your guns definitely. He's only going to pull a sickie Friday anyway.

What did you say OP?

AcrossthePond55 · 24/09/2015 16:23

As far as post-procedure needs, I've had 2 D&Cs following miscarriages. DH worked the next day in both cases because his employer wouldn't give him the day off. I stayed in bed with a phone next to me and took it easy. It was emotionally hard on both of us, especially the second as it meant the death of our dream to have a third child. I managed, we both did.

Keep your day off.

ijustwannadance · 24/09/2015 16:45

Take your day off then put phone on silent so you can ignore the panic calls from boss in the morning when he has phoned in sick and she is screwed. It is more important for YOUR health that you make that appointment.

I don't know any company who would be stupid enough toallow so many weeks off for someone not on maternity leave/on sabbatical.