To think what a load of nonsense?

[Lickalolly]

I'm pregnant again after a miscarriage, was it planned? Not really but I can't say it was prevented, losing a baby at 10+ weeks broke me completely, and in all honesty did I really want yet another pregnancy at just 17? Yes.

My partner and I told my Mum very early on, and she's been supportive which is lovely. I was very confused at what she said today though, and perhaps because of hormones, a little hurt.

The conversation was that she didn't want my sisters (6+7), being called 'Aunty so and so'. My eldest younger sister is baby mad and I think she'd be thrilled to take on the title and be known as Aunty so and so, yet my mum thinks they're much too young to be called aunties, even though they are

I'd consider myself quite young to be a Mum, yet I can't get out of the Mummy label (yes I'm aware that was my choice), and I consider her young at 44 to be a nanny, yet she too won't escape that title.

I said I'm trying to understand where she's coming from but I don't see why it's so important for them not to be referred to as aunties, of which is exactly what they'll be and I think it's nice to know your place to your sisters baby. It isn't harming anyone, yet she says 'she gets that I like the Aunty thing but she has to consider their mental health' (I was very raised eyebrow at that). Can someone please tell me where this is all stemming from? The girls won't suddenly become mini adults, I don't see them all that often too so it's not like it's a responsibility and nor should it be, they're babies themselves.

I just can't make sense of it. Her youngest, my little brother, will only be going on for 2 when this little one arrives and I don't think I'll refer to him as 'Uncle so and so' but there isn't any need really.. I just think it'd be nice for the girls to know they're an important figure and I want them to know that I cherish them as aunties. Who are we to deprive them of that glory?

It's all very confusing to me because my Mum has no issue being a Nanny. I know people who have had children and then their own parents have gone on to have more children themselves, so their own uncles/aunties weren't even conceived by the time that baby arrived!

Am I just being too black and white? I really think it's silly and I'd like to know why she feels so strongly about this. This is my first child and for some reason, having my little sisters on board is cherished by me a lot and I don't want that title taken away from them (even if it is 'for now')

Thank you

But why does it matter to you what your sisters are called? Especially given that you accept that your brother won't be called uncle.

Because they already think they're 'aunties' and my mum is wanting to correct them. My brother doesn't understand the concept of being an uncle so clearly it doesn't matter for now.

I think that because your sisters are so young, your mum does have a right to decide whether or not they grow up with that title. I never called my aunt or uncle by those titles (they didn't want them), just by first names, and I have a close relationship with both.

I completely understand that but the girls are all for the big exciting titles of 'aunty'. I suppose if she really doesn't like it I won't go there but I'm gutted because they look so proud be referred to as the Auntys.

I think they need to know the family relationship - that they are the child's aunt/uncle - because obviously that's how other people will refer to that relationship. 'How does it feel to be an auntie?' 'Aww, what do u think of your little niece/nephew?' Etc.

Whether or not they get called auntie is less important. I see no reason why not though.

In the big scheme of things this is not that important. Concentrate on your preparing for your baby. Once she or he comes along there will be so much to think about, I really would not bother worrying about this.

Hope all goes well.

I think you have to respect your mum's wishes on this one, and don't think you should push it. To be honest I actually agree with the argument about their mental health -- your sisters are part of the same generation as your future DC, and should be allowed to enjoy their childhood without the added responsibility that the title of aunty implies. In practice, their relationship with the DC will be much more like that of a cousin than that of an adult aunt or uncle. I wouldn't want my DS being called uncle as a child himself. But even if you don't agree with this argument, I think that you still have to respect your mum's wishes. I really doubt your sisters are going to get hung up on this at all - they're very little and will just accept what you tell them about their relationship with the baby.

BlueMoonRising, you're very right there with the reference scenario.

I should have made myself a bit clearer when I posted, that I won't be swanning around using 'Aunty' in every sentence, I just think it's nice for them to know who they are to this baby. I'm certainly not one to say 'go to Aunty so and so' every 2 minutes, that's very.. Cringey (sorry, no better way to put it).

One of my sons' friends became an uncle last year, aged 10. He was quite the playground hero - and relishes both the title, and the responsibility he feels comes with it.

That said, OP, you can refer to them as your baby's 'aunties' without having to call them 'Aunty X/Y', which might feel a little odd for such small folk. I think you'll find that comes pretty naturally, for all of you, when the time comes.

There's only 3 years between my oldest niece and me - 1 between her and my younger sister. We always knew we were her aunties though, its nothing to be ashamed of! She only calls us aunty for a laugh though.

But are you expecting your child to actually call your sisters 'Auntie so and so' when he/she is old enough to talk, OP? Perhaps that's what your mum is a bit about?

When i was a kid (and i'm a similar age to your mum) it was common for kids to have to call familiar older adults 'Auntie this' and 'Uncle that' out of respect or politeness, so personally the title really does make me think of an older person and would appear really weird on a child. Also this seems to be much less of a thing now and might seem very old fashioned.

Perhaps she is concerned about them being judged for being aunties at such a young age, and wants to protect them from the stigma of people potentially making assumptions about your family set-up based on their relationship to your child. I'm not saying that it's right, but it will happen if they talk about being aunties at their age, and I can understand why your mum would want to protect them from any potential awkwardness, negative comments or other unhelpful assumptions being made about them, and I think that as long as they know that they have a special relationship with your child, they will be fine.

x posted. I see you're not intending for he/she to call them Auntie.

Good

I was the opposite of you op. Had dd at 17 and also had a 10 year old db and a 13 year old dsis. They've never been called auntie and uncle and I didn't want them to be. If we were in our twenties and thirties it would of been different.

I then had another at 19 and still they were just called their names. Now ten years later dc obviously know that they're their auntie and uncle but tbh have a close cousin/sibling sort of relationship rather then a niece and nephew one.

I think it's really nice for my dc to have such a close relationship especially with my brother. Hes like their big brother!

I don't understand why your mum is objecting to your sisters being called Aunty but it obviously bothers her.
I can understand that you would like them to be known as Aunty from the start because it marks them as special in their relationship to your baby.
I was 13 when I became an Aunty and I remember being thrilled that I would have that title. I was older than your sisters obviously, but it made me feel special at the time.
Your Mum should ask your sisters what they want to be called and go with what they say, however, I am sure it will wear off pretty soon anyway so I don't think your Mum should worry. My Nephew and neice stopped calling me Aunty once they got to around 8 years old because they thought it was daft by then.

They are your mother's children so what she says goes and you have to respect that. It is not for you to demand, especially because your brother doesn't get the same 'glory' at being called uncle.

You don't have to label relatives. I've never referred to my aunts as Aunt X, they have always just been known by their names. You don't call cousins 'cousin x' you call them by their names so I think this is completely unnecessary.

It's not a load of nonsense, your mother is probably thinking the same about you tbh. You are making too much fuss about this and I'm not sure I'd want my 6 and 7 year old called aunt or uncle. That label, if it's used, goes to an adult. When I was at school there was an aunt and niece in the same class as each other, they didn't refer to each other as aunt, it would have been weird. My DCs don't refer to all their aunts as 'aunt x' either, because I just call them by name. They know what they are though.

I don't get why your mum is so fussed about it? 14 and 11yo DSs find it most amusing to be uncles to their 10yo nephew. He even sometimes calls them Uncle X but usually just X. I can't see that it has effected their mental health

Surely it is between you and your siblings what they are called?

I suspect that she doesn't want them following in your footsteps, and feels that calling them auntie is glorifying / normalising the situation, maybe?

Sorry,must seen your update (took me a long time to post), if you aren't going to refer to 'aunt x' then I'm not entirely sure what your mum's issue is. Maybe you should ask her and ask how it is damaging to their mental health. Is it because you are pregnant so young and she doesn't want you to be a role model for them in this way?

ten put it far better than me. This is probably what her problem is. I can't say I disagree.

Well I agree that really it is up to my sisters what they'd like to be referred to. I don't see how there's stigma related to being called 'Aunty' at a young ago. Not only do people have children much younger than I have round here, but say I waited another 7 years? It's not 'off' for a 24 year old to have a child but my brother would only be 7 then.

licka No, it's not "off" for a 24 year old to have a child, but you're not 24, and you have no way of knowing how your mum would feel about them being an aunty when you're 24 unless you ask her.

Ten, I don't see how that could ring true because she herself said she didn't know how she would have coped without carrying again after her miscarriage, saying she'd suspect I'd have another.

I'm hardly a bad example, perhaps the age is a bit iffy but I do have a good job, home and partner. That's more than lots of older Mothers have, yet you'd get called 'funny' for thinking only the richer should have children if you told a mid 30 year old that she was daft for having a child on benefits.

Yes, I agree with ten and crap You say that 'the girls are all for the big exciting titles of aunty' - I'd imagine that is exactly what is alarming your mum, she doesn't want her small children feeling like they should be identifying with the older generation (because what is exciting about the title is that it is a 'grown up' one). The girls will know that they are technically aunts, but if you are not planning on have your child refer to them as aunty (presumably because that might be confusing for him/her) then I don't see why they should refer to themselves by the title (and have the confusion that you are sparing your own DC from).

People should be addressed as they wish to be addressed. If you didn't want to be "Mum" you could have your child call you Lolly, or whatever your real name is, and your mum could be called by her first name if that's what she preferred. I would let the aunts choose what they want to be called. Sometimes a baby will invent a new name for a special relative and these are the nicest names of all.

In my opinion, the only exception to this is non-relatives who want to push themselves into a family; step-mum doesn't get to call herself "Mummy".