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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think what a load of nonsense?

172 replies

Lickalolly · 23/09/2015 14:03

I'm pregnant again after a miscarriage, was it planned? Not really but I can't say it was prevented, losing a baby at 10+ weeks broke me completely, and in all honesty did I really want yet another pregnancy at just 17? Yes.

My partner and I told my Mum very early on, and she's been supportive which is lovely. I was very confused at what she said today though, and perhaps because of hormones, a little hurt.

The conversation was that she didn't want my sisters (6+7), being called 'Aunty so and so'. My eldest younger sister is baby mad and I think she'd be thrilled to take on the title and be known as Aunty so and so, yet my mum thinks they're much too young to be called aunties, even though they are

I'd consider myself quite young to be a Mum, yet I can't get out of the Mummy label (yes I'm aware that was my choice), and I consider her young at 44 to be a nanny, yet she too won't escape that title.

I said I'm trying to understand where she's coming from but I don't see why it's so important for them not to be referred to as aunties, of which is exactly what they'll be and I think it's nice to know your place to your sisters baby. It isn't harming anyone, yet she says 'she gets that I like the Aunty thing but she has to consider their mental health' (I was very raised eyebrow at that). Can someone please tell me where this is all stemming from? The girls won't suddenly become mini adults, I don't see them all that often too so it's not like it's a responsibility and nor should it be, they're babies themselves.

I just can't make sense of it. Her youngest, my little brother, will only be going on for 2 when this little one arrives and I don't think I'll refer to him as 'Uncle so and so' but there isn't any need really.. I just think it'd be nice for the girls to know they're an important figure and I want them to know that I cherish them as aunties. Who are we to deprive them of that glory?

It's all very confusing to me because my Mum has no issue being a Nanny. I know people who have had children and then their own parents have gone on to have more children themselves, so their own uncles/aunties weren't even conceived by the time that baby arrived!

Am I just being too black and white? I really think it's silly and I'd like to know why she feels so strongly about this. This is my first child and for some reason, having my little sisters on board is cherished by me a lot and I don't want that title taken away from them (even if it is 'for now')

Thank you

OP posts:

CrapBag · 23/09/2015 22:10

I was about to post about how well this 17 year old speaks, that it's unusual for a 17 year old to refer to a partner rather than a boyfriend and the previous thread with the pregnant young woman with the good job and partner. This seems very familiar. In fact that particular troll had a bit of a thing about being young, pregnant, with a job and a partner.

I see others got there before me. I was pretty mature for my age and had a fairly good education and there is no way I would have spoken like this at 17, neither would my intelligent friends.

Patapouf · 23/09/2015 22:13

There's something about the OP that reminds me of Blackout. Whatever happened to her?

usual · 23/09/2015 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JawannaDrink · 23/09/2015 22:55

I agree with whoever said she doesn't want to normalise having a baby at 17, I imagine she doesn't want them to follow in OP's footsteps and this is just a small part of that

You can protest all you want that it is perfectly normal and fine and dandy but I doubt any mother here wants their daughters to be having babies before they are even legally adults. I know I don't.

Booyaka · 23/09/2015 22:56

I do wonder sometimes. People seem to be so creative and have such vivid imaginations to conjure up such a wide variety of gripping scenarios. Why don't they just write a fucking book or a screenplay rather than wasting it on here?

Unless they're just testing out material and in a couple of years the Booker Prize and the Oscars will be going to I was a pregnant teenage shiksa kosher legal secretary who fought against my DM/MIL/DSIL for the right to call a toddler Auntie.

That's learn us

Floggingmolly · 23/09/2015 23:00

It really, really couldn't matter less...

CassieBearRawr · 23/09/2015 23:10

You can't blame people for doubting you OP. It is VERY unusual to meet a 17 year old with a good job, partner and their own home.

Not round these parts it's not!

Doraydiego · 23/09/2015 23:24

I wouldn't want my little kids to be called aunts/uncle either. But then I wouldn't want my 17 year old to be a mummy.

Heathcliff27 · 23/09/2015 23:29

Oh where did she go

ImperialBlether · 23/09/2015 23:40

I want to know about your good job, OP. I didn't think there were good jobs for 17 year olds.

ImperialBlether · 23/09/2015 23:41

She might have gone to Zeebrugge!

DonkeyOaty · 23/09/2015 23:52

at Zeebrugge.

Ah the good olde days, Impy.

DixieNormas · 23/09/2015 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeyOaty · 23/09/2015 23:54

Ooops yes ahem. OP, I wish you all the best, tricky situation you've found self in.

Cookingongas · 24/09/2015 00:21

I'm from a very -erm- lower class family. That's a fact. And not one I am ashamed of.. It's normal in my community that uncles and aunties that aren't adults are known by first names and generally treated as cousins, while the aunties and uncles ( which can include a wealth of strangers who were Never related to you in the first place) are treated with somewhat more deference.

Perhaps your mum is more of my kind. No offence intended - it's just how things are done. No secrets or shame, just how things are.

CarrotVan · 24/09/2015 08:01

The 17 yo legal secretary troll was also posting totally different stories on the conception board. Shameful

DixieNormas · 24/09/2015 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 24/09/2015 09:45

Yes, I'm surprised it's still here - I was looking for a nice, pithy message from HQ.

Eminybob · 24/09/2015 09:53

What a load of crap.

I became an aunty for the first time at age 5. My brother was just 16 when he had my nephew. I loved being called aunty and it certainly didn't "normalise" young parenthood for me, I didn't have my first child until I was 34.

Incidentally, my DB and his DW (mother of my nephew) are still together 30 years later with 3 children now.

AllThatGlistensIs · 24/09/2015 10:34

Oh, is it that poster again?

Yes, I agree OP, this is all rather tedious.

EponasWildDaughter · 24/09/2015 13:02

While we're all talking amongst ourselves (and waiting for this to disappear?) - i think it's going to become more and more common for children to be aunties and uncles very young. Not all about teenage pregnancies, but because of the rise of 'second' families.

I had my first 3 DCs in my early 20s with XH. I re-married and have a DC4 with 'new' (married 3 years) DH. She is 20 months old.

My eldest is 22 years old and in the process of house buying. Couple of years and she could be having a baby who'll be niece to my DD4. I wont be expecting (or particularly wanting) her child to call my DD4 Auntie.

(The label thing is weird sometimes ... older DDs boyfriends are both soppy and cuddle DD4 a lot. Sitting for ages on the sofa cuddling and reading to their future SIL! Sounds like the start of a good thread! )

Patapouf · 24/09/2015 19:51

This is still here

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