To think what a load of nonsense?

[Lickalolly]

I'm pregnant again after a miscarriage, was it planned? Not really but I can't say it was prevented, losing a baby at 10+ weeks broke me completely, and in all honesty did I really want yet another pregnancy at just 17? Yes.

My partner and I told my Mum very early on, and she's been supportive which is lovely. I was very confused at what she said today though, and perhaps because of hormones, a little hurt.

The conversation was that she didn't want my sisters (6+7), being called 'Aunty so and so'. My eldest younger sister is baby mad and I think she'd be thrilled to take on the title and be known as Aunty so and so, yet my mum thinks they're much too young to be called aunties, even though they are

I'd consider myself quite young to be a Mum, yet I can't get out of the Mummy label (yes I'm aware that was my choice), and I consider her young at 44 to be a nanny, yet she too won't escape that title.

I said I'm trying to understand where she's coming from but I don't see why it's so important for them not to be referred to as aunties, of which is exactly what they'll be and I think it's nice to know your place to your sisters baby. It isn't harming anyone, yet she says 'she gets that I like the Aunty thing but she has to consider their mental health' (I was very raised eyebrow at that). Can someone please tell me where this is all stemming from? The girls won't suddenly become mini adults, I don't see them all that often too so it's not like it's a responsibility and nor should it be, they're babies themselves.

I just can't make sense of it. Her youngest, my little brother, will only be going on for 2 when this little one arrives and I don't think I'll refer to him as 'Uncle so and so' but there isn't any need really.. I just think it'd be nice for the girls to know they're an important figure and I want them to know that I cherish them as aunties. Who are we to deprive them of that glory?

It's all very confusing to me because my Mum has no issue being a Nanny. I know people who have had children and then their own parents have gone on to have more children themselves, so their own uncles/aunties weren't even conceived by the time that baby arrived!

Am I just being too black and white? I really think it's silly and I'd like to know why she feels so strongly about this. This is my first child and for some reason, having my little sisters on board is cherished by me a lot and I don't want that title taken away from them (even if it is 'for now')

Thank you

I genuinely don't see why it matters.

My nieces don't call my husband or me aunt or uncle. He was 11 when the eldest was born and 13. I just think it's a bit silly. However saying that I also don't call my aunts or uncles Aunty or uncle now I'm an adult, except my great aunt. Unless I was introducing them to someone. We all know they are my aunt and uncle I don't see the need to say it unless being introduced to people.

but it just means a lot to me.

But it means a lot to your mum for it not to happen.

The more you post it is coming accross as it means more to you than your DSis and the quoted sentance says just that, sorry.

You say you have insecurities about the situation. Maybe that would be worth looking at, rather than pushing this as ultimately you will have to respect your mum's wishes on the matter.

It isn't a 'normal', as you put it, situation for 6 and 7 year old to be called Aunty.

I think really you should not be questioning your mum. she knows her own children. I can sort of see why she does not want them called aunty, they are young and they don't need the label.

It really is not that important, one of my aunts is only 7 years older than me and while I always knew she was an aunt we just called her by her name. Makes no difference.

You don't sound 17.

lick I mean this nicely, but you're not really hearing what anyone is saying. We've given you several reasons why this could be the case, but you're just saying the same thing.

I also agree that discussing this with them at such a early stage could be more upsetting than not if things go wrong again.

I think you need to do the grown up thing here and have another conversation with your mother, simply asking her her reasons (and not getting overly emotional about it and telling her what YOU want).

bumwad great minds and all that

Did your DM agree that you could tell your sisters you were PG again? You didn't explain the circumstances in which you talked to them about becoming aunties.

Yes, I agree that the 'responsibility of being Aunty' stuff is coming from your mother having difficulty with you being pregnant for the second time at seventeen. I suspect she feels weird about having a grandchild only slightly younger than her own youngest, and that's why she doesn't want the older-generational title of 'aunt' insisted on. She essentially wants to think of your child as another younger sibling of yours.

I don't get why it's such a big deal for you, unless you also have mixed feelings about the situation, OP. Which is to me suggested by the weird series of rhetorical questions at the start of your post, rather than just saying 'I'm seventeen and having a baby'.

You don't sound 17.

I would have agreed with that at the start, but I'm beginning to change my mind.

I don't think you need to worry about it until the baby is here TBH.

I think your mum may be a bit worried that your sisters will want to act like grown-ups before they're mature enough to do so, and that the grown-up title of 'auntie' will symbolise this. Having said that I do think she's being a bit about it - the girls WILL be your child's aunts. That is the biological relationship.

It doesn't have to be a big grown-up deal unless everybody makes it one. Hell, I've got cousins 17 years older and 17 years younger than me - it amused me then and amuses me now to look at the span of generations. It didn't make me grow up faster or anything.

Try not to worry about it op. The situation will doubtless evolve and if the girls aren't necessarily called aunties now then they might wear that title with pride in their rebellious teenage years

You certainly don't write like an average 17 year old...

You are definitely putting your opinions across very eloquently for only 17! You obviously have a very good mum, so I'd suggest she probably knows best what is best for your sisters and children of their age and since she has experience of being a mother and you don't I'd probably listen to her and respect her wish (which I'd agree with)

I also suspect your mum is not thrilled at the thought of her just 17 year old daughter being pregnant and while I'm sure she will be loving and supportive she also doesn't want this being held up as something thrilling and glorious to her younger daughters?

I don't think you are being truthful about your age OP and i have expressed that sentiment to MNHQ

Mmhmm

Not just your age either, if I may say so.

'Am I being unreasonable to think what a load of nonsense'

Hi yes I agree that I should have another chat with her, and as for 'not just about what YOU want', I found that quite patronising as I explained at the beginning that there was no conflict implied and that I'd think about it.

To be fair, she was the one who announced with pride that sister so and so is having a baby, I didn't so I'm not buying the 'it's not fair on them emotionally because of previous miscarriage etc'. After all, I didn't want to share the news with anyone apart from my partner and mum, yet MY wishes on that part (might I add that this news is about my own pregnancy, not hers), wasn't respected.

I love my Mum to bits but I would actually be very angry if she was anyone else and decided to not only tell my siblings, but more distant family too, of whom have no need to know.

Oooh it's morphing into a thread about who has the right to tell PG news now

Sorry, but why haven't I been truthful about my age? I understand that I may sound well put across for 17 but I'm all fairness, I am only 17.

Why would I lie about being 17 if I was older? I was a very good student before all this up duff business you know

This is going to come across as quite rude, sorry, it's really not meant to be but I can't find another way to put it.

You are 17. "I'm hardly a bad example, perhaps the age is a bit iffy but I do have a good job, home and partner." You've had one miscarriage and are now pregnant again.

This suggests that you have grown up incredibly fast. (I'm assuming here that you have actually grown up rather than are just acting it.)

I reckon your mother feels that you have grown up far too fast, and she doesn't want it happening that fast for your sisters. To that end she doesn't want any, absolutely ANY, pressure or suggestion upon them that they are any older than the age they are now. And being referred to as Aunty comes under that heading.

Please step back for a minute, and regard her NOT as your mum, but as their mum. As their mum, their welfare is her responsibility and therefore it is her right to call the shots on what happens. The buck stops with her. You are their big sister, you don't shoulder that responsibility and so you don't get to call the shots here. She does. Calling it pathetic makes absolutely no difference, it just makes you sound immature. You need to back off and defer to their mother on this point.