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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think what a load of nonsense?

172 replies

Lickalolly · 23/09/2015 14:03

I'm pregnant again after a miscarriage, was it planned? Not really but I can't say it was prevented, losing a baby at 10+ weeks broke me completely, and in all honesty did I really want yet another pregnancy at just 17? Yes.

My partner and I told my Mum very early on, and she's been supportive which is lovely. I was very confused at what she said today though, and perhaps because of hormones, a little hurt.

The conversation was that she didn't want my sisters (6+7), being called 'Aunty so and so'. My eldest younger sister is baby mad and I think she'd be thrilled to take on the title and be known as Aunty so and so, yet my mum thinks they're much too young to be called aunties, even though they are

I'd consider myself quite young to be a Mum, yet I can't get out of the Mummy label (yes I'm aware that was my choice), and I consider her young at 44 to be a nanny, yet she too won't escape that title.

I said I'm trying to understand where she's coming from but I don't see why it's so important for them not to be referred to as aunties, of which is exactly what they'll be and I think it's nice to know your place to your sisters baby. It isn't harming anyone, yet she says 'she gets that I like the Aunty thing but she has to consider their mental health' (I was very raised eyebrow at that). Can someone please tell me where this is all stemming from? The girls won't suddenly become mini adults, I don't see them all that often too so it's not like it's a responsibility and nor should it be, they're babies themselves.

I just can't make sense of it. Her youngest, my little brother, will only be going on for 2 when this little one arrives and I don't think I'll refer to him as 'Uncle so and so' but there isn't any need really.. I just think it'd be nice for the girls to know they're an important figure and I want them to know that I cherish them as aunties. Who are we to deprive them of that glory?

It's all very confusing to me because my Mum has no issue being a Nanny. I know people who have had children and then their own parents have gone on to have more children themselves, so their own uncles/aunties weren't even conceived by the time that baby arrived!

Am I just being too black and white? I really think it's silly and I'd like to know why she feels so strongly about this. This is my first child and for some reason, having my little sisters on board is cherished by me a lot and I don't want that title taken away from them (even if it is 'for now')

Thank you

OP posts:

Shutthatdoor · 23/09/2015 16:09

no conflict implied and that I'd think about it.

It isn't for you to think about though.

Your siblings are minors and your mum had said she doesn't want them to have those titles. That is her decision, not yours to 'think about'

tbtc20 · 23/09/2015 16:10

I think they should know they are aunties, but that it would be a bit awkward for your little child to be playing with them and be calling them Auntie [insert name] rather than just their name.

A little boy in my son's class was an uncle at 5. He knows he's an uncle but now the baby is learning some words I'm pretty sure he'll just be called by his name because...well, they're all kids. Maybe your sisters will like to sign cards etc from Auntie [name] and enjoy that role, but I'd let their title etc just evolve.

Bellebella · 23/09/2015 16:10

If she is a good mum then respect her wishes, i would be a bit if my 17 year old daughter who had not yet had a child started questioning what I was doing with her younger siblings.

this is really not a big deal and your
Mum has her reasons.

Funinthesun15 · 23/09/2015 16:11

Why would I lie about being 17 if I was older? I was a very good student before all this up duff business you know

Maturity shining through with that post

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 16:12

Well, most of your last post you've only just told us, so not sure I'm expected to mind read, but ok, since you've clarified, fine. I agree it sucks that she told other people if you asked her not to.

As for patronising, assuming you are 17, you're zeroing in on specific parts of what I'm saying just like I would expect a teenager to and ignoring the whole advice I'm giving you, which is have a reasoned, clear-headed discussion with your mother allowing her to explain her thought process without any other dialogue getting in the way.

As for no conflict implied, you've posted a dedicated rant on here so it's not like you're not bothered, so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to take from that exactly. Also, where exactly did you say there was no conflict that you'd think about it? Cos I'm not seeing that.

dodobookends · 23/09/2015 16:12

If I were your mum I'd be worried about you.

Patapouf · 23/09/2015 16:12

I thought you had a very good job OP? Not that you were a student?

PrivatePike · 23/09/2015 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaudGonneMad · 23/09/2015 16:14

who are we to deprive them of that glory [of being an auntie]

MabelSideswipe · 23/09/2015 16:15

Who are all these teenagers with good jobs and their own homes ( and then ruin that sweet deal by having a baby)?

TabithaTwitchEye · 23/09/2015 16:16

Do you live with your mum?

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 16:16

Ok, everyone, this is slightly turning into an interrogation. If you have concerns report to MNHQ, anything else is just derailing the thread.

I assume the OP meant she did well at school prior to her first pregnancy which is why she is so "eloquent" in her written posts.

Leelu6 · 23/09/2015 16:17

YANBU. I was an aunty at 12. I would have loved for my nieces to call me aunty but they have always called me a sweet nickname, which I am happy with too...but I think being an aunty is special and should come with the title.

Patapouf · 23/09/2015 16:17

mabel I feel very unaccomplished as a mid twenties undergraduate with no DCs and renting privately I tell ya!

Current year 12s wouldn't have been allowed to leave education for a job unless it was an apprenticeship so I guess OP would have been the year above?

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 16:20

Doing my own derailing here, but pata, you say you have no DCs. Why do people without children come to places like Mumsnet? I was a regular commenter on a popular blog and I never understood why childfree people would visit it Just wondering.

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 16:21

Sorry, blog was about kids, forgot to add that!

BoreOfWhabylon · 23/09/2015 16:23

What a singularly apt thread title.

MirandaGoshawk · 23/09/2015 16:23

Well, Lickalolly you sound to me that you've got your head screwed on and you will make a fabulous Mum. I don't understand why your Mum feels the way she does about this 'Aunty' business - there's only one person who can answer that question, and that's her. I hope you can sit down calmly with her & she can explain. Doubtless you getting pg (twice!)has been a bit of a shock to her and you have to make allowances for that.

But her standing by you and supporting you will be invaluable, and people are right, there are more important things to focus on.

Best wishes to you

PrivatePike · 23/09/2015 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2015 16:24

Ten there are loads of Topics on MN that don't involve having children. Plus people work with children or have relatives that have children. Maybe they are trying for a baby?

It isn't just for parents.

3littlebadgers · 23/09/2015 16:25

Not quite the same, but my classmate's grandma had a baby when we were 10 years old. She always referred to the baby as Auntie Charlotte

Stillunexpected · 23/09/2015 16:26

How can you have a good job, home and partner at 17??? I have a 17 year old myself who is bound by law to remain in education or training for another year until he is 18. Yes, he could possibly be doing an apprenticeship or some kind of day release course rather than A levels but that certainly wouldn't count as "a good job".

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 16:26

miranda indeed, the OP is very lucky to have a parent who stands by her. My mum certainly would have lost her shit if I'd accidentally gotten pregnant twice at 17. Not being able to call her sisters "aunty" is pretty small potatoes.

Mind you, my mum thinks that miscarriages only happen to women because they aren't looking after themselves, so her kicking me out would probably have been a good thing. Dread to think what other pearls of wisdom I would have heard.

Stillunexpected · 23/09/2015 16:28

"Current year 12s wouldn't have been allowed to leave education for a job unless it was an apprenticeship so I guess OP would have been the year above?" Current Year 13s aren't allowed to leave either and most of them are still 17. As the OP has just turned 17 she should be either Year 12 or 13 and in college or some form of training - which somehow she seems to have sidestepped on the way.

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 16:30

sparkling and pike well excuse me all to hell for asking a question (which was just a question and had no judgement in it, btw). Now the oldtimers of MN have corrected me I shall be on my way to look up these threads

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