To think what a load of nonsense?

[Lickalolly]

I'm pregnant again after a miscarriage, was it planned? Not really but I can't say it was prevented, losing a baby at 10+ weeks broke me completely, and in all honesty did I really want yet another pregnancy at just 17? Yes.

My partner and I told my Mum very early on, and she's been supportive which is lovely. I was very confused at what she said today though, and perhaps because of hormones, a little hurt.

The conversation was that she didn't want my sisters (6+7), being called 'Aunty so and so'. My eldest younger sister is baby mad and I think she'd be thrilled to take on the title and be known as Aunty so and so, yet my mum thinks they're much too young to be called aunties, even though they are

I'd consider myself quite young to be a Mum, yet I can't get out of the Mummy label (yes I'm aware that was my choice), and I consider her young at 44 to be a nanny, yet she too won't escape that title.

I said I'm trying to understand where she's coming from but I don't see why it's so important for them not to be referred to as aunties, of which is exactly what they'll be and I think it's nice to know your place to your sisters baby. It isn't harming anyone, yet she says 'she gets that I like the Aunty thing but she has to consider their mental health' (I was very raised eyebrow at that). Can someone please tell me where this is all stemming from? The girls won't suddenly become mini adults, I don't see them all that often too so it's not like it's a responsibility and nor should it be, they're babies themselves.

I just can't make sense of it. Her youngest, my little brother, will only be going on for 2 when this little one arrives and I don't think I'll refer to him as 'Uncle so and so' but there isn't any need really.. I just think it'd be nice for the girls to know they're an important figure and I want them to know that I cherish them as aunties. Who are we to deprive them of that glory?

It's all very confusing to me because my Mum has no issue being a Nanny. I know people who have had children and then their own parents have gone on to have more children themselves, so their own uncles/aunties weren't even conceived by the time that baby arrived!

Am I just being too black and white? I really think it's silly and I'd like to know why she feels so strongly about this. This is my first child and for some reason, having my little sisters on board is cherished by me a lot and I don't want that title taken away from them (even if it is 'for now')

Thank you

6 years ? That makes you an MN God surely Pike?

Maybe part of your mum's concern is the pace with which all this is going? Involving a 6 and 7-year-old in what the baby will call them when you're only 4 weeks pregnant and recently experienced a miscarriage could be seen as upsetting for your sisters

This ^^ 4 weeks pregnant is way too early for people to be getting too excited, especially such young children. Wait til you're past the 12 week scan to discuss it with your sisters, and as for what they're known as, let it go and concentrate on getting ready. I was a mum at 17 and it's hard work, things like this really aren't too important. When they're older, they'll decide and i'm sure they'll have a great relationship either way, but for now they're very young and your mum makes the decisions on what she feels is best for them.

We had the same situation when my sister and I were born. My Mum has ALOT of siblings and is the eldest, so the youngest ones were not much older than us. My Grandad (Mum's dad) did not want us to use the Aunt/Uncle title and so we didn't.

It had no effect on the relationship between anyone and we knew how they were related to us. We are all (obviously) grown ups now and I would find it most odd to say "auntie" etc

You can't blame people for doubting you OP. It is VERY unusual to meet a 17 year old with a good job, partner and their own home. We have all been 17 and for most of us it was not a time during which we felt ready to parent a child. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just saying you might be very unusual. I can totally understand your mum's anxieties. Let it lie. It is far from important and it's up to your mum. You have much bigger fish to fry.

I had no idea when I ovulated until my mid twenties. Teenagers are so much more forward these days.

OP - Are you the 17 year old who has an older partner who was a bit controlling and not very supportive when you miscarried?

Is the OP ever coming back?

save Did the Op of that thread have the same NN as this one?

Hang on, wasn't there a thread a couple of weeks ago about a pregnant teenager with a good job, a house and a car. I believe she said she was a legal secretary. And on that one it was the MIL who was being out of order because she wasn't excited enough and only liked the SILs children.

Link? Don't tease!

And didn't Mumsnet HQ leave a place mark on a deleted thread recently which said the thread was deleted 'because it was a load of nonsense'. The one about the Jewish woman who had an arranged marriage but her parents claimed her family didn't keep kosher enough, but they didn't mind her DB marrying a Catholic and eating bacon?

Double

I am fairly certain both threads were deleted.

Interesting

No fear Olivia is on the case it seems.

I told my Mum very early on

I don't mean to be unkind, but after the previous miscarriage, dont you want to take things slow. You are less than 5 weeks pregnant. Maybe save these conversations for later down the line.

As you have asked, I agree with your Mum, and I say this as a Mum who got pregnant at 17, and had brothers aged 9 and 6 at the time. The thought of them being Uncles at that age is just weird to me.

I told my mum immediately and I'm a 32 yo. I certainly wouldn't be surprised if a 17 yo recovering from a miscarriage told her mum straightaway.

Nothing admirable at all about a 17yo's only aspiration is to become a 'mum' asap. What about at least studying a bit, growing up, being a bit more emotionally mature, accomplishing a few goals before just straight into being a parent. It's really sad if that's all you aspire for yourself straight out of school. And as for having a partner?

I can see why your dm wants to discourage the terms.

Yes, OP, I do think it's "a load of nonsense".

17yo who have children are entitled to have a year off education for ML the same as an employee.

You can also hold down a full time job have no formal education or training and if that job is deemed to have a "positive impact" on education then you will be considered to meet the requirement.

And to be quite frank if you do not then there is very little any body can do about it,the responsibility lays with the YP not their parent. Sanctions can be applied to the YP via DWP if they are a claiment in their own right but very little otherwise.

From what the op says she's not complaining about them being called it but about them knowing it.

That's just silly it is a factual biological relationship not matter the age of both parties. Denying family links is usually frowned at

I'm baffled as to why, at 17, this is even an issue for you. I had my first at 23 and felt young and unprepared. Perhaps you are more mature than me? I think this is a total non-issue and that you have bigger fish to fry.

Tbh I don't understand why either of you feel so strongly about it.

Being an aunty isn't something to be proud of. You can be proud of your nephew/neice, but being an aunty isn't an achievment in itself.

Since their are your mums children I would go with her wishes on this. I don't see the issue either way.

I became an aunt at 9 (my big bro is 17 years older than me so nothing scandalous). I have 20 nieces and nephews now and not one of them call any of their aunts and uncles anything other than their names or nicknames. Most of my husband's nephews are older than him - they use his first name except when taking the piss. Aunt and Uncle seem like such old fashioned terms these days - in our family it's only the over 80s who use them.

Also pick your battles, this one doesn't matter