To think what a load of nonsense?

[Lickalolly]

I'm pregnant again after a miscarriage, was it planned? Not really but I can't say it was prevented, losing a baby at 10+ weeks broke me completely, and in all honesty did I really want yet another pregnancy at just 17? Yes.

My partner and I told my Mum very early on, and she's been supportive which is lovely. I was very confused at what she said today though, and perhaps because of hormones, a little hurt.

The conversation was that she didn't want my sisters (6+7), being called 'Aunty so and so'. My eldest younger sister is baby mad and I think she'd be thrilled to take on the title and be known as Aunty so and so, yet my mum thinks they're much too young to be called aunties, even though they are

I'd consider myself quite young to be a Mum, yet I can't get out of the Mummy label (yes I'm aware that was my choice), and I consider her young at 44 to be a nanny, yet she too won't escape that title.

I said I'm trying to understand where she's coming from but I don't see why it's so important for them not to be referred to as aunties, of which is exactly what they'll be and I think it's nice to know your place to your sisters baby. It isn't harming anyone, yet she says 'she gets that I like the Aunty thing but she has to consider their mental health' (I was very raised eyebrow at that). Can someone please tell me where this is all stemming from? The girls won't suddenly become mini adults, I don't see them all that often too so it's not like it's a responsibility and nor should it be, they're babies themselves.

I just can't make sense of it. Her youngest, my little brother, will only be going on for 2 when this little one arrives and I don't think I'll refer to him as 'Uncle so and so' but there isn't any need really.. I just think it'd be nice for the girls to know they're an important figure and I want them to know that I cherish them as aunties. Who are we to deprive them of that glory?

It's all very confusing to me because my Mum has no issue being a Nanny. I know people who have had children and then their own parents have gone on to have more children themselves, so their own uncles/aunties weren't even conceived by the time that baby arrived!

Am I just being too black and white? I really think it's silly and I'd like to know why she feels so strongly about this. This is my first child and for some reason, having my little sisters on board is cherished by me a lot and I don't want that title taken away from them (even if it is 'for now')

Thank you

I was an aunt at the age of 5 and tbh I can't remember whether I was called auntie or not! It doesn't matter, all that matters is the relationship.

(My nieces and nephews now alternate between calling me auntie and just my name - neither of which bother me).

ten vast majority of threads on MN have f all to do with having your own DC plus I worked in childcare for 5 years before going back to uni. Didn't realise it was an exclusive club for those who already have DC only, oh wait..

Old timers of mumsnet
odfod
Your initial question was snarky and it was politely pointed out why people without children might be here
What is it with the hatred of long term posters in here

pata I WAS ASKING A QUESTION, I wasn't telling you to GTFO. Jesus Christ.

hobnob It wasn't snarky, you clearly have a problem reading snark that's not there. If you're at all confused, THIS post is snarky. As for why the hatred, maybe because whenever anyone tries to ask a question or start a thread, you all pile in going "OH, THIS HAS BEEN DONE TO DEATH, OMFG" or accusing everyone left right and centre of being trolls?

Anyway, apologies for daring for ask a question of the holy MN gods, let's get back on topic.

I've got an uncle two years younger than me. I only call him uncle if we're out to wind him up coz it really annoys him. Perhaps it's school gate mums she's worried about? Or maybe it's her own age?my ex hubby's mum had him at 18 and her second at 38. When I was with him she hated people knowing his age because they'd figure out hers and she hated her son being called uncle back use people would know she had a much older kid and had him young. Well young in her current posh group of friends. Normal age for where we come from and early 80s time.

Oh dear, I missed the 17 years old with a good job thing. I wonder if the OP will be back to tell us she lives in another country where this is totes the norm, but yet they still use the phrase 'up the duff' to describe pregnancy...

I only answered your question, I shouldn't have to defend my right to be on MN. You are overreacting a bit to my last post. This is the difficulty of MN because you can't hear my tone from what I've written IYSWIM? Anyway, enough derailing of the thread I have reported it, so not outright troll hunting from me.

Teenagers are perfectly capable of being articulate - stop grilling the op.

op, we've mostly given you reasonable suggestions for why your mum might be behaving as she is. It's up to you to choose how you want to deal with her in return. You sound very mature here, so I assume you're capable of dealing with her in the same fashion. Just give her some space and let the situation play out. She'll unclench soon enough.

She's possibly also worried about you, you know; she'll have seen you very upset before and will be scared of it happening again. That sort of unarticulated worry often gets vocalised as weird concerns over something else that's only tangentially linked.

I repeat - give her some space and try not to let her annoy you too much. And congratulations on your pregnancy!

Pikey, if you want to carry this on, feel free to PM me, I'm trying to get this back on track.

I don't think OP is coming back. Hope she's gone to have a sensible chat with her mum.

Well this is one way to liven up a dull afternoon at work.

TenForward82 Wed 23-Sep-15 16:30:18
sparkling and pike well excuse me all to hell for asking a question (which was just a question and had no judgement in it, btw). Now the oldtimers of MN have corrected me I shall be on my way to look up these threads hmm

Well excuse me but am not an 'old timer'.

Well this is one way to liven up a dull afternoon at work.

That's pretty much the only reason I'm here

My personal opinion is that's it's bonkers to refer to small children as aunty/uncle and I would never do it.

How do the rules about 16-18 year olds being in education or training apply if you have a child?

My friend was an aunt when she was born! Her sister had a baby which was older than my friend. That's a little strange. The 'aunt' label didn't seem to cause issues. It's just an 'official' title but what really matters is that you're family and having a good relationship.

I only have nearly 4 years service Pike, I am a mere newbie, not an old timer at all. Whatever that implies. Doesn't sound complimentary.

lifesalong I have no idea, I imagine the new rules aim to discourage it as much as possible.

I don't think I have ever laughed so much at a derailment.

There is nothing wrong with a 17 year old having a child

Sorry but, what??

It's not the end of the world if it happens in that you deal with it whatever way you can.

But I don't think it's necessarily something to strive for, either.

Children shouldn't have children if it can be helped!