Flat mate woes

[MrsCorbyn]

I think I am being unreasonable and very petty but my patience is at its tether and lack of sleep is sapping at my ability to reason…

The problem is with my flatmate. As background, DP and I live in a shared flat to save money for a deposit. It’s one of these “spareroom.com” deals where all bills are included in the price of the room and you move in with total strangers. Fortunately 2 are delightful but the box room houses a girl who, frankly, is a total horror.

She is very loud, incapable of cleaning up after herself, she creates such mess and destruction in her wake that it takes half an hour of cleaning/tidying before the kitchen is useable every day. She rarely showers, smokes in her room (not allowed, we’ve all complained, nada), has no concept of boundaries (often comes in to our room, will literally follow me around the house) etc. We have spoken to her kindly, tried leaving her mess but it affects us all, spoken to agents, spoken to her less kindly… Nothing.

Now she’s started doing earlier shifts so gets up at 4.30am. In the hall is a very bright light that wakes us all up if turned on because of glass panels above bedroom doors. She knows this, she could easily get her stuff ready in her room/the kitchen with door shut and avoid waking us up, but no, every sodding morning we are all woken up with the bright lights and her stomping. My other housemate works til an average of 3am and has explained to her the effect this has, I have told her repeatedly. For what it’s worth my DP also starts work at 6am regularly yet manages to not wake up anyone despite making me breakfast for when I wake up, ironing a shirt etc. because he does it in the bloody kitchen. With the door shut. Without the bloody light.

ARGH. So this morning it happens again, I don’t get back to sleep, I work in frontline NHS and frankly being woken up at 4.30am daily when a second of forethought from the selfish cow would solve it all is getting too much.

Have I been unreasonable to unscrew the offending light bulb and hide it to stop this going on? She can’t reach it & probably won’t understand what’s happened. For what it’s worth, DP and the other 2 are behind me with this. Sorry for essay.

Then give it right back. You need to change as well as her. If someone woke me up at 5am over a fucking light bulb they wouldnt be doing it again in a hurry.

im actually a really lovely person

Stop being such a doormat.

Can't you put some padlocks on some of the kitchen cupboards - one for her and the rest of you carry on sharing your stuff?

Then she can buy her own kitchen stuff and you can pile it up in a black bin bag in the corner when she doesn't wash it up?

I am unreasonably excited about tomorrow morning's update...

Good on you, OP.

And 2nd the poster above saying that you are not being allowed to have quiet enjoyment of your home because of flatmate - tell the letting agency CONSTANTLY.

Please tell me where she works, I do not want coffee from there. How has she not been fired if she's so unhygienic? I once lived with a horrible slob. Sounds similar.

Ugh I lived with a pair of dirty beggars like this at university. They moved in with a bin liner full of dirty plates and left it in the hall for months. One of them kicked a hole in the wall and the other one kicked his bedroom door off its hinges, and rather than fix it, he had to move the whole door out of the way when he wanted to get in his room, and then use the loose door to barricade himself in at night. Nuts. They used all our stuff - left a load of curry in my saucepan on the stove to go mouldy and then tried to give it back to me. Used my washing powder, then when I hid it in my room just washed their clothes without powder. My two clean flat mates would be the first to point out that I'm quite untidy and don't Hoover enough, but these two were disgusting!

I took to keeping all my kitchen stuff in a box under my bed and only taking it out when I needed something. It's no way to live, but it was easier than having to wash disgustingness off my plates before I could eat anything. The two of them ended up with one plate and a fork, and used to take turns to eat! Why not buy a new plate? Crazy.

Sorry that ended up a carthartic rant rather than a helpful post, but I sympathise!

A well known platform coffee shop in a busy part of London probably can't say much more!

I know I should grow a pair but she is verbally loud, aggressive and constant. I grew up in a calm happy CLEAN house and struggle with knowing how awkward it will be.

Padlocks in kitchen not possible due to type of cupboard doors. The agent is a little dodgy and the more I complain the more he tells me I'm welcome to leave if I want, likewise the boys.

So, maybe you can pass that last little nugget on to the landlord?

It all sounds hellacious!

God what a nightmare situation.

Change her name of your phone to "skanky diet bag" ignore her. Stope wngaging with her. Be a broken record, tell her the rules, make her a list. Then when she gripes, show her the list.

I think you must go through the pain barrier and take everything out of the kitchen and go into lock down. It's shitty bit necessary!

Serious question OP- but why dont you? You live in London. You have plenty of choice.

And if the "agent is dodgy" then maybe you need to find a way of going above them and reporting your concerns

WalfordEast - I think the nose, face comment referred to the saying 'cutting off your nose to spite your face' - since most of the kitchen stuff, dishes etc, belong to the OP, if she throws them out, she'd only be hurting herself.

Move all your kitchen crockery and cutlery into your room. Keep the door locked. Only use your crockery when you need it and then wash it and back into your room. Black card on the glass section but keep the bulb hidden anyway.

Are their door handles on the kitchen cupboards that you could loop a chain through? Or around and tight enough with a padlock they couldn't be opened...

I would get black out the fan lights above the bedroom doors though and get a very low light bulb for the hall tbh.

The agency is one that doesn't take references, charges £50 in total for all fees, has a 3 month rolling contract with one month notice and the landlords are like a cooperative thing where between a group they own about 100. There is no clear channel of recompense to a landlord ans the agent couldn't care less. It's gorgeous, cheap and iseal location though and saving is key at the moment. Rock and hard place.

I need her out.

Well, she isn't going to leave is she - so either you manage her, suck it up or move yourself. Is there another flat you can move to in the cooperative?

That says it all. You should of ran as soon as you realised. If the flat is so nice in such a nice location for a cheap price, id be asking why.

From where im standing your choices are as follows:

1. Put up with it. Which is what I think, ultimately, you are going to do. Sure youve taken out a lightbulb- but are you going to stop buying her toiletries, wine, lock away your goods, tell her to do one when shes stalking you around your own home?

1. Start being blunt with her, stone wall her. If she follows you, tell her to fuck off. If she has an issue, tell her to sort it out herself. Sit down and ask your flatmates to do the same. If you are the adults you claim to be, you will help each other out over this. Sometimes being nice isnt a option. Life isnt sunshine and rainbows all the time.

1. Move out- which I think you should do.

But id be finding a way to contact her father and make him aware of her behaviour. It sounds like she has had her arsed wiped for her her entire life and he needs to sort her out.

Honestly OP, you sound a bit daft yourself.

Thanks?

If she continues to wake you early then presumably she goes to sleep early? Although you should do all of the above,mif all else fails I would get really boisterous every evening just before bedtime. Lights a go-go. And forbid her to use any of your property such as kitchen items. She's a nightmare and needs to learn the hard way.

Frankly in SW London you jump at ideally located beautiful flats within budget with low fees. If you consider a combination of that and not embracing full on confrontation with someone with no manners, empathy, social awareness or common decency daft then good for you.

I think calling her daft is a bit unfair - if she's not come up against someone like this, and has been brought up to be polite and considerate, it's not surprising she is not finding it easy to deal with someone this rhino-hided and unpleasant.

Your welcome. You came here for advice, so ive given it. Take it on board and make things change- or dont. But I wouldnt want someone treating me like such a doormat.

Sorry, im being a bit harsh. I do have good manners and compasion, but ultimately, I look after number one and wont be treated like a doormat.

I've never dealt anyone like her before and I've lived in many shared flats when younger. The sheer disregard, selfishness, stupidity, failure to take any responsibility and stench

hmm. Student flatshare situation - not good when not everyone is a student.

self-defence (having lived in similar). All your non-perishable food is in your room, as are all your plates, cups, knives etc. In fact, team up and strip the kitchen. Lock your door.

and has anyone tried some serious yelling? Get the oldest and scariest of you to do it. Tell her what she is and what she needs to do to sort herself out.

the parents didn't so you need to. She must know better so it is time she did better.

but TBH it may be time to cut your losses and leave. Life is too short. Yes, I know this means this entitled, dirty little skank wins for now; but she won't forever.