Flat mate woes

[MrsCorbyn]

I think I am being unreasonable and very petty but my patience is at its tether and lack of sleep is sapping at my ability to reason…

The problem is with my flatmate. As background, DP and I live in a shared flat to save money for a deposit. It’s one of these “spareroom.com” deals where all bills are included in the price of the room and you move in with total strangers. Fortunately 2 are delightful but the box room houses a girl who, frankly, is a total horror.

She is very loud, incapable of cleaning up after herself, she creates such mess and destruction in her wake that it takes half an hour of cleaning/tidying before the kitchen is useable every day. She rarely showers, smokes in her room (not allowed, we’ve all complained, nada), has no concept of boundaries (often comes in to our room, will literally follow me around the house) etc. We have spoken to her kindly, tried leaving her mess but it affects us all, spoken to agents, spoken to her less kindly… Nothing.

Now she’s started doing earlier shifts so gets up at 4.30am. In the hall is a very bright light that wakes us all up if turned on because of glass panels above bedroom doors. She knows this, she could easily get her stuff ready in her room/the kitchen with door shut and avoid waking us up, but no, every sodding morning we are all woken up with the bright lights and her stomping. My other housemate works til an average of 3am and has explained to her the effect this has, I have told her repeatedly. For what it’s worth my DP also starts work at 6am regularly yet manages to not wake up anyone despite making me breakfast for when I wake up, ironing a shirt etc. because he does it in the bloody kitchen. With the door shut. Without the bloody light.

ARGH. So this morning it happens again, I don’t get back to sleep, I work in frontline NHS and frankly being woken up at 4.30am daily when a second of forethought from the selfish cow would solve it all is getting too much.

Have I been unreasonable to unscrew the offending light bulb and hide it to stop this going on? She can’t reach it & probably won’t understand what’s happened. For what it’s worth, DP and the other 2 are behind me with this. Sorry for essay.

Who said 'too funny'?,really?.

Not funny, is it?, have you read the whole thread?

Still I had read the whole thread and actually yes you do have to laugh at the flatmate's behaviour and OPs response to it...

I was driven to laughing about my situation and others as if I'd let it get to me it wouldn't have done me any good.

Its time to have a house meeting and set house rules: at which you have to have all of rest of you on same page forcing the issue. So she either a) sucks it up and agrees the new rules as she is outnumbered or b) she plays victim and moves on/out. You have to probably say if you don't like it go as she might otherwise go for c) stay and carry on/whinge how 'horrid' you all are.

Hang in there, op. Having lived through some truly rotten share housing experiences I can sympathise. Further to what another poster said, if she buys a new lightbulb, you can wet the window and press tinfoil on it, that works exceptionally well as a light blocking screen (although it looks borderline deranged). No need for tape!

You have my sympathies OP. I think I know this woman. or her long lost twin. We had a girl in on work experience who was exactly like this. She had really poor self awareness about when she was pissing other people off, absolutely no boundaries, talked constantly and asked really inappropriate personal questions, evaded every task given to her by following other staff around and getting distracted, or doing half a job or doing it really badly, or complaining of feeling ill.

She talked too loudly and rambled on and on without picking up cues that other people were too busy to listen to her. She was very tactile, always invading people's body space or physically touching them.

I ended up sending her home early most days. I couldnt stand it for two weeks so I think if I'd had to live with her I'd have killed her.

I think the OP has killed her. Worryingly quiet in here.

I know this has been mooted before, but are you sure she is not on the AS? It sounds to me like she is, as no one would be this thoughtless deliberately. Also, a lot of AS people can have social lives, and the all men she meets may be down to her appalling self esteem - as though she is compensating for something.

I am on the Autistic Spectrum, and really annoyed housemates in the past. Part of the problem however was that they didn't tell me until they reached breaking point (if they had done so gently instead of shouting) then I think it would have been much better. It seems you have already done this though

I do feel sorry for this girl however, as well as for you. It's an awful situation and you must be so angry and she must be so sad (I would be if I had pushed my flatmate to that level)

Could she also be depressed hence the not showering? Or could she maybe shower at the gym? (I seldom shower at home as I go to the gym in the mornings, so it makes v.little sense)

I don't think it could have been said better, op. Said 'better' is unlikely to have had any result at all, as you have already found. Sometimes, you have to say it like you did to get through. Being like ed to an animal seems to have gone in, and had a cleanish kitchen as a result.

Well done.

I once had a flatmate who thought he was too good to do "women's work". In the end, I removed one bowl, cup, plate, knife, fork, spoon from the kitchen and left everything else to pile up. When I wanted to use the kitchen I took the full washing up bowl out of the sink and plonked it on his bed, water and all, and then cleared all the surfaces of the rest of the stuff he'd used but left for me, and piled it up on the w/up bowl too. All over his bed. He moved out.

Any update OP?

Oh was hoping that the OP had come back to update stomps off to sulk in the corner