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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flat mate woes

310 replies

MrsCorbyn · 23/09/2015 09:26

I think I am being unreasonable and very petty but my patience is at its tether and lack of sleep is sapping at my ability to reason…

The problem is with my flatmate. As background, DP and I live in a shared flat to save money for a deposit. It’s one of these “spareroom.com” deals where all bills are included in the price of the room and you move in with total strangers. Fortunately 2 are delightful but the box room houses a girl who, frankly, is a total horror.

She is very loud, incapable of cleaning up after herself, she creates such mess and destruction in her wake that it takes half an hour of cleaning/tidying before the kitchen is useable every day. She rarely showers, smokes in her room (not allowed, we’ve all complained, nada), has no concept of boundaries (often comes in to our room, will literally follow me around the house) etc. We have spoken to her kindly, tried leaving her mess but it affects us all, spoken to agents, spoken to her less kindly… Nothing.

Now she’s started doing earlier shifts so gets up at 4.30am. In the hall is a very bright light that wakes us all up if turned on because of glass panels above bedroom doors. She knows this, she could easily get her stuff ready in her room/the kitchen with door shut and avoid waking us up, but no, every sodding morning we are all woken up with the bright lights and her stomping. My other housemate works til an average of 3am and has explained to her the effect this has, I have told her repeatedly. For what it’s worth my DP also starts work at 6am regularly yet manages to not wake up anyone despite making me breakfast for when I wake up, ironing a shirt etc. because he does it in the bloody kitchen. With the door shut. Without the bloody light.

ARGH. So this morning it happens again, I don’t get back to sleep, I work in frontline NHS and frankly being woken up at 4.30am daily when a second of forethought from the selfish cow would solve it all is getting too much.

Have I been unreasonable to unscrew the offending light bulb and hide it to stop this going on? She can’t reach it & probably won’t understand what’s happened. For what it’s worth, DP and the other 2 are behind me with this. Sorry for essay.

OP posts:
Cabawill · 24/09/2015 16:37

Any update OP?

PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker · 24/09/2015 17:46

Hello waves Grin

Hufflepuffin · 24/09/2015 19:34

I would buy black out lining from a fabric shop and staple gun it in the light above your bedroom window.

blibblobblub · 24/09/2015 19:57
Grin
Missrubyring · 24/09/2015 22:00

Please come back and let us know what happened OP. Grin

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 25/09/2015 19:08

Hello !

Huge let down on update. So, the shouting was actually at 3am when the boys came home drunk and she tried to go and sit in one of their rooms. The next morning she called in sick so no need for early use of the (non existent) light.

She now appears to have changed shift patterns to start at 9am so still no 5am drama. DP covered the bulb in black shoe polish and will put it back when the polish dries. He's a strange creature.

On another note the kitchen is a shit tip so I've moved all my knives, cutlery and pans out. This morning she went to work without brushing teeth, showering, putting on deodorant. I know this because DP was in bathroom and she came in to my room without knocking to ask for deodorant. Unsurprisingly I told her where to go.

Sorry for dull update, she's still a filthy irritating troll.

OP posts:
MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 25/09/2015 19:19

You need a large notice on your bedroom door saying "Knock then wait [flatmate] you irritating troll".

Oldraver · 25/09/2015 20:46

So the minging troll wanted to use your deodorant after not washing ? bluegh

WalfordEast · 25/09/2015 20:55

OP. Rather than calling her a minging old troll, have you thought to do what I suggested and have a talk with her?

Aside from the personal hygiene issues- you need to talk to her about personal boundaries. Until you do- it isnt going to stop.

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 25/09/2015 22:04

She did. I said 'troll I've told you repeatedly do not come in to my bedroom, please get out and clean up your filth in the kitchen'
Troll: but I need deodorant.
Me: I only have roll on. Leave my room now. At which point DP came out the shower and she buggered off

Walford - it isn't my job to confront her on her lack of hygiene

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 25/09/2015 22:08

It is not easy to tell anyone they are stinky and it's disgusting. I've told her clearly she is not to come to my room and I've taken all pans etc out. She doesn't bloody listen though. Ugh there are sloths out there with higher levels of intelligence and social decency

OP posts:
WalfordEast · 25/09/2015 22:26

Ive got to admit OP- for someone who didnt want to be nasty to her the other night, you arent exactly being pleasant right now Hmm

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 25/09/2015 22:39

Hang on what ?! I refuse to let her in my room or lend deodorant after much advice telling me to harden up and you're saying I'm being unkind ?

OP posts:
janethegirl2 · 25/09/2015 22:43

I think I might be too rude if I were in your situation Mrs Corbyn

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 25/09/2015 22:49

I can't win on this thread Jane I'm with either a pushover who has it coming or I'm unpleasant

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 25/09/2015 22:52

I think you've been remarkably restrained tbh.

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 25/09/2015 23:01

Thanks. I do too.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 25/09/2015 23:02

And in meantime I don't want to go home because it will be a mess and she won't leave me alone from second I enter the front door

OP posts:
Bailey101 · 25/09/2015 23:15

Only on mumsnet are you going to get told to tolerate a persons bad behaviour because they have B.O Grin

whois · 25/09/2015 23:38

I think you've been very tolerant.

Saying "no I only have roll on" is hardly the insult of the century!

FantaIsFine · 25/09/2015 23:39

Hi'

Um - Ive known some pretty poor personal hygiene problems and NEVER known how to confront them so good luck!

However, on the rent issue I presume your DP is there under your terms? Could he be the official flat mate to replace her and everyone happy?

Ive been the +1 for "free" before in shared flats and it has been tricky.

Just a thought...

Clutterbugsmum · 26/09/2015 08:04

Your flat mate seems to think every other person in the flat is her parent.

She seems to be acting like 'Kevin the teenager' and expecting you all to treat her like a child.

I suspect her parent never made her doing anything when growing up.

PegsPigs · 26/09/2015 08:10

Sounds like you've reached the end of your tether and you're sounding off on MN rather than real life so you don't make your living situation more unpleasant. As opposed to sounding unpleasant generally. House shares are so fraught when someone isn't considerate. Been there done that! Hopefully her new shift pattern will ease one of your woes but sounds like there'll be further battles to fight.

InimitableJeeves · 26/09/2015 08:14

Can you put a lock on your door?

hibbleddible · 26/09/2015 09:17

Op I've read this entire thread and I have no idea why you are still in your flatshare.

You and dp should get a studio flat to yourselves.

This stress cannot be worth it!