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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flat mate woes

310 replies

MrsCorbyn · 23/09/2015 09:26

I think I am being unreasonable and very petty but my patience is at its tether and lack of sleep is sapping at my ability to reason…

The problem is with my flatmate. As background, DP and I live in a shared flat to save money for a deposit. It’s one of these “spareroom.com” deals where all bills are included in the price of the room and you move in with total strangers. Fortunately 2 are delightful but the box room houses a girl who, frankly, is a total horror.

She is very loud, incapable of cleaning up after herself, she creates such mess and destruction in her wake that it takes half an hour of cleaning/tidying before the kitchen is useable every day. She rarely showers, smokes in her room (not allowed, we’ve all complained, nada), has no concept of boundaries (often comes in to our room, will literally follow me around the house) etc. We have spoken to her kindly, tried leaving her mess but it affects us all, spoken to agents, spoken to her less kindly… Nothing.

Now she’s started doing earlier shifts so gets up at 4.30am. In the hall is a very bright light that wakes us all up if turned on because of glass panels above bedroom doors. She knows this, she could easily get her stuff ready in her room/the kitchen with door shut and avoid waking us up, but no, every sodding morning we are all woken up with the bright lights and her stomping. My other housemate works til an average of 3am and has explained to her the effect this has, I have told her repeatedly. For what it’s worth my DP also starts work at 6am regularly yet manages to not wake up anyone despite making me breakfast for when I wake up, ironing a shirt etc. because he does it in the bloody kitchen. With the door shut. Without the bloody light.

ARGH. So this morning it happens again, I don’t get back to sleep, I work in frontline NHS and frankly being woken up at 4.30am daily when a second of forethought from the selfish cow would solve it all is getting too much.

Have I been unreasonable to unscrew the offending light bulb and hide it to stop this going on? She can’t reach it & probably won’t understand what’s happened. For what it’s worth, DP and the other 2 are behind me with this. Sorry for essay.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/09/2015 16:59

I'd do asFoff suggests - get a lock for your door, and keep all your kitchen stuff in there. Suggest to your housemates that they do the same. And do the tottering Tower O'Shite against her door that OurBlanche did.

Actually, I think this would be a perfect job for the MN Hit Squad - a group of Mners who travel the country, A-Team-style, righting wrongs and giving people a damn good talking to. I'd happily come and tell this girl how disgusting and skanky her behaviour is. I'll tell her dad what a dirty little princess he's raised, too.

BloodyBellyJeans · 23/09/2015 17:07

God , she sounds awful . I'd take everything I owned and lock it in my room too

specialsubject · 23/09/2015 17:10

if she's smoking in her room then she is in breach of her tenancy, Daddy's precious princess or not. Contact the landlord (you are entitled to his/her details) and report.

she may or may not get her advance rent back. Not your problem.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 23/09/2015 17:21

The one thing I would be really aggressive about is coming into your room. Just tell her to piss off the minute she does it.

For everything else, do as you please, since that is what she does, along the lines of what other people have suggested.

DH had a flatmate like this, right down to the loud sex and arguments. Her only saving grace was that she worked in Paul and used to bring patisserie home.

biscuitkumquat · 23/09/2015 17:26

I would tell her that, in future, if she leaves random things lying about that you will tidy it up for her by chucking everything that she leaves in the hall & the kitchen into a black bag & put it outside her room.

If that means that her things will get dirty, and covered in old food etc, so be it.

User543212345 · 23/09/2015 17:30

I'm another one who would remove my kitchen items and keep them in my room - I did this at university after my filthy housemates used all my stuff when I was away one weekend and then didn't clean them because they were mine (they did their washing up). Just keep everything that's yours out of her reach! She'll create and complain but given that you live in a fairly hostile environment with her anyway I doubt it'll be much different, aside from being tidier!

And say no to all her requests. All of them, even if they're tiny and completely no trouble for you. Stonewall her. Entitled cow.

RandomMess · 23/09/2015 17:36

OMG, how many months left that have been paid for...

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 23/09/2015 17:37

Her father is actually delightful. I met him once but he lives abroad.

My door has a lock but I resent having to lock myself in my own bedroom.

Update - I was home an hour to shower/change to go out for dinner this evening. In that time she came to chat in my room three times. The other angry housemate was home and nearly cried laughing when he saw the bulb in my room. He is on board, especially after she just shouted at him at 5.30pm for whistling because she is tired.

Please hit squad please !

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 23/09/2015 17:38

8 more months !!!

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MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 23/09/2015 17:39

I like the idea of a Hose Meeting-solves the not showering much problem!

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome · 23/09/2015 17:44

Place marking for updates re missing bulb in the morning!

OurBlanche · 23/09/2015 17:54

How did you not scream "Get out!" at her?

As for my spelling, apologies, but my nails have grown quite long since I resigned and my typing is suffering.

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 23/09/2015 17:54

She has had two showers that I've seen in the past 4 months. I'm tempted to oust her while singing OUST EVERY WEEKEND (to tune of 'house every weekend'). Or have s hose meeting ;-).

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/09/2015 18:08

Has anyone been blunt with her - ie. "When you don't shower, you smell."?

My dad had to do this for another student on his teacher training course. This chap's mum had always told him when to have a bath, change his shirt, put on fresh socks, undies etc - and in the absence of her instructions, he did one of this, and rapidly became very ripe.

Dad and some others had a blunt chat with him, and wrote him a schedule, so he knew when to wash and change his clothes, and when to do his laundry (I suspect they had to show him how to do that too).

WalfordEast · 23/09/2015 18:18

You need to start being blunt. As harsh as it sounds, but maybe shes a bit thick and isnt getting the message and if you give said message she might decide to move out.

WalfordEast · 23/09/2015 18:21

The only thing id worry about with leaving food etc around is the fact it may attract vermin. Not to mention the smell. Just throw them in the dustbin.

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 23/09/2015 18:35

She is more than a bit thick unfortunately. No qualifications. She works in a coffee shop (nowt wrong with that) and regularly demands that the rest of us buy ALL the loo roll (she pisses all over the seat so no idea why she wants it), household stuff, wine for her because we earn more and it isn't fair.

5am will be either hilarious or a bloodbath. I've sent a link to this to DP who has never read MN before and is drinking wine in a bar with me giggling tremendously.

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Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 23/09/2015 18:38

I wish I could throw her in yhe dustbin.

99% of everything in kitchen is mine from when I lived alone. If I throw it out I'll suffer; nose, face etc. I also resent having to fill our room with plates glasses pans when the cow could just sort her shit out and stop being a selfish little twat

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WalfordEast · 23/09/2015 18:42

If she wakes you up again at 4.30, get up and have a very blunt honest conversation with her. Tell her she is being incredibly selfish, its impacting your ability to do your job properly and your poor flatmate who is barely getting any sleep at all.

From now on- all dirty dishes are to go straight in the rubbish if she doesnt clean them, and dirty clothes will be thrown into her room. Refuse to buy her anything- even if it means keeping toilet rolls in your room and buying a lock for the door. If she doesnt wash and is in a customer facing environment- i cant believe for a second nobody has made a passing comment.

If you keep pandering to her why on earth will she stop?? Think about it- if you had someone doing your cleaning for you, buying you toiletries and wine- would you change your behaviour?

Be the bigger person and do this girl a favour.

WalfordEast · 23/09/2015 18:43

What do you mean your nose and face will suffer? If she assaults you, call the police and have her arrested!

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 23/09/2015 18:48

Noooo I meant the dishes she doesn't clean belong to me so I would be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

We have no idea how she keeps a customer facing role.

Walford - I wish I could post the text exchange from today. She thinks we are selfish and she should be able to turn it on because it's her flat too and it isn't her fault that light goes in to our room. We should just go back to sleep. Mind boggles.

OP posts:
WalfordEast · 23/09/2015 18:55

Then buy a lock for the cupboard. One of those chains with a combination padlock should do the trick- i agree you shouldnt have to, but as I said if you keep on pandering to her why on earth is she going to stop. Id rip her a new backhole if she woke me up at 4.30am and I had to be at work the next day. What would she do if you got up and turn off the light and told her to stop being such a dickhead?

Is there a way you can get contact details for her father and have a word with him?

WalfordEast · 23/09/2015 18:56

Have you tried duct taping a sheet/towel over the glass to your room? Again, agree you shouldnt have to but if shes going to continue to do it and she wont get kicked out, then its a solution.

OurBlanche · 23/09/2015 19:01

You need to play some Staple Singers at her If you disrespect anybody that you run in to? How in the world do you think anybody's s'posed to respect you?

www.metrolyrics.com/respect-yourself-lyrics-the-staple-singers.html

Though Joe Cocker may get you more volume Smile

Original poster
MrsCorbyn · 23/09/2015 19:08

I screamed at her this morning and switched it off. She switched back on. Repeat x 5. Gave up and took the bulb once she had gone. I reckon when it why's darker tonight she might try to turn the light on and I'll receive a barrage...

OP posts: