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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is taking my DC out of school really so bad??

305 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/09/2015 19:51

I'm getting a lot of shit judgement from DH's parents about our holiday plans.

I thought long and hard about it and decided that it would be okay to take them out of school given that my youngest is only in nursery (so not compulsory) and my oldest is only in year one and it will just be the week before Christmas and I don't feel she'll miss anything crucial.

My DH is told when he can have time off and has to take projects when they're offered, which means that often he won't see the kids from Monday to Friday (which I know is common) and pretty horrible.

So we booked a holiday for this time, went for lunch at PIL's after and ended up having a huge row with them over booking it during school time.

I know this can be a sore subject, but a week of essentially watching videos and having carol concerts isn't really as important as getting to spend a whole week with your dad is it?

(Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
queenoftheworld93 · 19/09/2015 19:54

While they might not miss a lot educationally, they will miss school discos/Christmas plays/projects etc. and it depends on the school as some continue to work til Christmas. I don't think it's awful but would never recommend it.

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 19/09/2015 19:56

This will be the year that she is chosen as Mary in the Nativity then!

Lots of children really enjoy that time of year at school (some don't, of course). Carol concerts, parties, exchanging gifts and cards, special assemblies, Christmas lunch, pantomime, making Christmas decorations, maybe snow. It would be a shame to miss out on some of that, as they also learn a lot from non-academic things, including bonding with others in the class. And just because there is a lot of fun stuff, it doesn't mean they aren't also doing a lot of real work, too.

if it's just the last day or two and they break up on a Tuesday or something, it's not so bad, but I wouldn't have liked to miss all the good stuff in the final week. And I enjoyed being around with all the Christmas prep going on, the lights, the shopping, the decorations, etc., - depends where you're going on holiday, but I'd not like to miss some of that side of it either.

But if Christmas isn't your thing at all, and not something you are wanting to build up particular memories/nostalgia/traditions etc about with your children, then it might not be such an issue.

Not sure that the school will be so keen.

fuckingfuming · 19/09/2015 19:56

speak to the school about it. it may be that because your dh can only take time off when he is told, they may allow it.

MrsEvadneCake · 19/09/2015 19:57

I think when they are that young and at that time of year then yanbu. They will miss parties and carols etc but I think time away with you is important.

slightlyconfused85 · 19/09/2015 19:57

Yabu but you're doing it anyway so it doesn't really matter!
It doesn't matter if you judge the content of a specific week to be important; school during term time is compulsory and I'm sure many parents could dream up reasons why a particular week in the school calendar isn't important for their children.

The Carol concert is important; music staff will have worked hard to put it together and missing children is a shame for them and others because of the rehearsal time put in.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 19/09/2015 19:58

I'm with you. Children definitely benefit from spending quality time with both their parents and it's got absolutely nothing to do with your in laws!! Enjoy your holiday and spending time with your family.

AnaisB · 19/09/2015 20:01

YANBU - the situation isn't ideal, but neither is missing out on family holidays.

Spartans · 19/09/2015 20:01

I go against the mn grain with this one.

In most cases an extra week off is not going to harm a child. Especially in early years. Ds would love to miss the nativity and school discos. He hates stuff like that.

As long as their attendence is usually good I say go. if you can get a letter from his employer, you may also get the schools agreement.

Besides, doesn't matter if MN thinks you should take your kids or not, it's non of your pils business. I would be pissed off if my pils passed judgment on my decision.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/09/2015 20:03

I love Christmas! (I live in the Christmas topic from about June Wink) and I'm not saying it's not important, but missing a few school events for just one year didn't seem to me as bad as just getting weekends with their dad for most of this year...

I appreciate what school do, and I love their school. I'm hoping the head will understand.

OP posts:
slightlyconfused85 · 19/09/2015 20:04

The head won't understand from a professional point of view; they're simply not allowed to authorise term time holidays. It will go down as an unauthorised absence

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/09/2015 20:06

So if all holidays are blanket unauthorised why is it possible to apply?

OP posts:
RB68 · 19/09/2015 20:08

because there are other legitimate reasons to take children out of school than going on holiday

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/09/2015 20:10

I do feel that our family not getting to have a summer holiday (or Easter, half term etc) and DH getting that week off work is a legitimate excuse.

What is the repercussion of a week of unauthorised absence?

OP posts:
TiggyD · 19/09/2015 20:12

If you teach your children about rules and boundaries like this by the time they're 9 they will have tattoos, be pregnant, and be Manchester United fans.

blackteaplease · 19/09/2015 20:12

They have to refer you to the attendance officer, but realistically if your attendance is otherwise good then not much will come of it.

Sirzy · 19/09/2015 20:12

You could be fined for taking the week off unauthorised.

Personally I wouldn't take a week off at any time for a holiday. But if you are happy to then fine just be prepared to pay the fine

youngestisapsycho · 19/09/2015 20:16

You know what, it's your decision and you are obviously happy with it, so don't worry what others think, don't feel you have to explain yourself, it's no one else's business. My 2 DDs are missing 2 weeks of school in February cos we are going to New Zealand. The Head will have to say it is not authorised, that doesn't mean you can't go!

Supermanspants · 19/09/2015 20:16

Be prepared for a fine. Rules on absence are being tightened up to the point that holidays can only approved under VERY exceptional circumstances. Yours is unlikely to be viewed as such. Schools are under very close scrutiny re:attendance figures so while it may only be a few days in the run up to Xmas holidays it will still sit on the school's overall attendance. All it takes is a few parents adopting the same attitude as yours and attendance figures can take a substantial hit especially so early in the academic year.

ScarletRuby · 19/09/2015 20:18

when was/is your youngest 5 years old? Are you in the Uk?

AsTimeGoesBy · 19/09/2015 20:19

The last week isn't just watching videos, it's working the same as the rest of the term, plus the fun stuff as well. My DCs school used to get the bulk of the carol service, nativity play etc done the week before the last term, but they put on a big party in the last week and the DCs all give cards etc.

Also there's the thing about showing your DCs that edcuation is somethingyou can opt out of when something more fun comes along, which isn't the message I wanted mine growing up with. Surely they would have a lovely week with your DH taking them to school and picking them up, doing all the evening stuff with them, maybe taking them to see Sant after school etc.

There an awful lot of children out there who hardly see thier dads during the week, it doesn't make it exceptional enough to have holiday authorised. If he is allocated all his holiday and none of it is ever in school holiday time you may have a case though.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/09/2015 20:20

Well, her attendance is good, she's really happy and content at school so I don't think it will be damaging. I guess if I have to pay a fine, I'll pay a fine.

I'll apply for an authorised absence though, because legitimately, it can be really depressing and isolating to hardly ever see your husband / father due to the hours people work these days.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 19/09/2015 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/09/2015 20:23

YANBU, although your DD might be disappointed to miss the Christmas activities. None of my children have ever done anything resembling lessons during that week, so her education should not suffer at all.

From that point of view, it's probably the best week of the school year to miss - if you're going to miss one.

Mistigri · 19/09/2015 20:25

I'm generally against parents taking kids out of school, but your options are limited and I think it is important for your kids to get time off with their dad.

Plus, your oldest wouldn't yet be in compulsory education in most other European countries.

The school's absence rate is not your problem. OTOH it sounds like you might have to budget for a fine :(

Supermanspants · 19/09/2015 20:26

You know what, it's your decision and you are obviously happy with it, so don't worry what others think, don't feel you have to explain yourself, it's no one else's business

Attendance IS someone else's business. By removing your child from school for an unauthorised holiday you are breaking the law.