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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is taking my DC out of school really so bad??

305 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/09/2015 19:51

I'm getting a lot of shit judgement from DH's parents about our holiday plans.

I thought long and hard about it and decided that it would be okay to take them out of school given that my youngest is only in nursery (so not compulsory) and my oldest is only in year one and it will just be the week before Christmas and I don't feel she'll miss anything crucial.

My DH is told when he can have time off and has to take projects when they're offered, which means that often he won't see the kids from Monday to Friday (which I know is common) and pretty horrible.

So we booked a holiday for this time, went for lunch at PIL's after and ended up having a huge row with them over booking it during school time.

I know this can be a sore subject, but a week of essentially watching videos and having carol concerts isn't really as important as getting to spend a whole week with your dad is it?

(Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
mummymeister · 19/09/2015 23:48

I would fill in the form and take in the letter from your husbands employer where it says that this is a fixed week holiday and no other options in school hols are available. you should then have 5 days authorised with any luck,

did you know - if you take your kids out any time during the last half term ie after they come back from May half term then it isn't recorded as an absence because all the gcse and a level kids are off then anyway which would take effort not to skew the figures so they don't bother to record it.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/09/2015 23:53

Why are you on here asking if you're going anyway?

Surely there's no discussion to be had? Confused

SuburbanRhonda · 19/09/2015 23:55

mummy that's not true.

One of our parents has been given a fixed penalty notice from Education Welfare for unauthorised absence after the summer half term.

BlackeyedSusan · 20/09/2015 00:03

Not ideal, but if the only time you have is allocated, then there is not a lot you can do about it. has he ever had holiday time that co-incides with the school holidays? I suppose they could turn round and say one parent to take them though. jobsworth

Fratelli · 20/09/2015 07:24

Do it! Nothing important happens in year one the week before Christmas! Stuff what anyone else says! Enjoy your precious family time

slightlyconfused85 · 20/09/2015 07:30

Yabu to think that your circumstances are more worthy that other people's. There are lots of people who would like to this but respect the rules regardless of whether they feel there would be an impact on their dcs education. Expect to get a fine, don't expect your head to authorise a term time holiday because he can't. You dont think yabu so there wasn't a lot of point in the thread

donajimena · 20/09/2015 07:40

I can't remember one thing I did in school at Christmas. I can remember lots from our family holidays though and the memories make me happy

Blu · 20/09/2015 07:47

OP, I am not sure why everyone is blaming you, from your DH's parents onwards! Did his parents have a go at him, too?

I never have taken DC out of school for a holiday but that is because DP and I have never had any difficulty getting time off at the same time in the summer holidays, and we don't have expensive tastes in holidays so have been able to do something we can afford at peak times .

It is important for a family to spend quality time together, and fir small children to spend time with their Dad (if he is part of their lives).

I think you have been very harshly treated on this thread, and also it is a shame they are not more understanding of their own son's need to spend time with his kids.

bigkidsdidit · 20/09/2015 07:48

I would get your dh to pick them up every day and take them for a treat every night. They'd still get to do the school play and have fun, still see him, and it'd be cheaper and easier. You could do loads of brilliant stuff - santos grottos etc

GoblinLittleOwl · 20/09/2015 07:54

I am SICK AND TIRED of parents saying nothing happens in the classroom that particular week as justification for taking an unauthorized holiday. How dare you say it is nothing but a week of watching videos and attending carol concerts. Get in there and offer to help and see what actually goes on.

By the same token I could say it is untrue that your husband is compelled to work every single week of the school holidays and is never home from Monday to Friday, but I don't have the evidence or knowledge to support such an absurd statement.

It is illegal to take your children out of school during term time, whether you agree or not; thank goodness that your in-laws are horrified at your intention to encourage them to break the law.

Rowgtfc72 · 20/09/2015 08:08

We have relatives over from Australia at the moment. We had four hours with them yesterday. They are unavailable today. Dh and I have managed to get Mon off work so we put a holiday request form into school for DD(8). It's still on the heads desk. We shall ring in sick tomorrow. We tried to do it the right way, now we're lying.
These relatives visit once a year. The highlight of DDS day on Fri was a test on the 2 times table. Oh, and a skipping workshop. She's yr 3.
I appreciate how hard teachers work, how one child missing makes a difference. I resent people in their ivory towers in suits thinking they can make desicions on what is best for my child.

frogsarejumpy · 20/09/2015 08:13

Wow I can't believe the depth of feeling around this.
I wouldn't give it a thought, get booked and have a great time. They are 3 and 5 for goodness sake, it's not like they will be educationally behind for life!
YANBU, have confidence in why you made your decision and enjoy it Smile

Devilishpyjamas · 20/09/2015 08:16

It'll be unauthorised & they seem to be fining even more people now. (Our LA has just sent a letter to all parents advising them of this). Bonkers imo.

The only cases I've known being authorised are things like ds2 having a performance licence so he could be marked down as educated off site (so no problems with their statistics).

Grazia1984 · 20/09/2015 08:18

I would never take a children from school (and I pay school fees so it's easier to do so if you want to as you're the customer who is paying). It's not fair on the teachers or the pupil. The only two days they missed in term time other than rare sickness was for two grandparents' funerals hundreds of miles away and even then we just went up in one day and back.

Sparklingbrook · 20/09/2015 08:18

I always feel a bit fed up for the teachers on the term time holiday threads.
All the talk of nothing happening in the last week of term . Except the carol concerts, nativities, the Christmas parties and the fête.....

verenti · 20/09/2015 08:21

How much will the fine be for 5 days off school for 1 child?

DamnBamboo · 20/09/2015 08:24

YABU and you know it.
But you don't care and don't plan to change your mind, so why bother asking.

DamnBamboo · 20/09/2015 08:27

People are so quick to criticise schools for a huge number of things i.e. they're not doing enough etc and then themselves just decide to do what they want, when they want.

Imagine if the school had no rules. People would rock up as and when they liked, take leave when they liked and it would generally provide a shit education for all.

You are taking this leave right before the school itself is on leave - YABVU.

You will get a fine, marked down for unauthorised absence, and if this becomes a problem, or you take any other unauthorised time off, you will be referred to the attendance officer.

DamnBamboo · 20/09/2015 08:31

you should then have 5 days authorised with any luck

You clearly don't get how this works. The head CAN'T authorise this. He/she will not be allowed to do so. There are clear rules in place surrounding what constitutes authorised time off, and to take a holiday (right before the school is shut for two weeks anyway) is not one of them.

Onedirectionarestillloved · 20/09/2015 08:34

Just do it but don't lie to the school.

Do you really think a child of that age won't slip up and tell the truth at some point?

Then the teacher Weill never believe a word you say.

Fwiw I don't believe that anybody cannot ever have their holidays during school holidays.

Schools close approximately every 6 weeks there is no way on earth that an Employer can say an employee cannot take any time off during all those dates.

The people with fixed holidays are school staff who have to pay the extortionate prices for going on holiday during the school holidays!

HeteronormativeHaybales · 20/09/2015 08:37

The thing is, OP, this is the very beginning of your children's time in school. Are you starting as you mean to go on?

As I said, I see less of an issue with one-off, genuinely educational (so not Florida IMO) travel for older children. Mine, a good bit older than yours, are bilingual (not in the UK) and I may well at some point take them out of school here for a few weeks to spend some time with them in the UK, visiting/attending a UK school/schools if possible, which will obv only be possible in termtime. This country is usually strict on school attendance, but they may even encourage an absence like this because English is a core subject here.

This seems from your account to be about family time/time with your dh, and while I sympathise with you, there are ways and means of getting good-quality daddy/daughter time without going to Florida and taking them out of school. My dh and I tend to split our leave to cover the holidays to the maximum, so often only have a week or at the most two together on a family holiday each year, and perhaps a couple of weekends, and go away separately with the dc otherwise. That's life.

ilooklikemrsploppy · 20/09/2015 08:44

TiggyD your comment was tongue in cheek, right ? If not, what a horrible thing to say.

OP - you've said your DC is happy and settled at school, no problems with attendance so go for it. We're in Scotland so wouldn't be fined but even if we did I'd still take them out in your situation. Enjoy your holiday Grin

IguanaTail · 20/09/2015 08:45

sparkling

I do wonder if teachers get fed up with it.

Yes.

  1. Parents prioritising holidays over school when there are 13 weeks off in the year for them to choose from tells you a lot.
  1. Kids missing out on the work and having to catch them up in our zero free time. That is a huge job.
  1. Knowing it's highly likely they will underperform in exams (when we go through our GCSE data it is always the ones with the poorest attendance who do the worst and they are often the ones going off on holidays etc, or with 25 "cough and sore throat" individual days off.)
  1. It's dispiriting for the other kids who are working away when you do the register and someone calls our "Jenny is in Corfu on holiday. Look she just sent through a photo of her playing in the sea. Miss it's so unfair".

If schools had 5 weeks' of holiday time I would think differently, but with 13 I think it's pretty poor taking them out of school.

There was school in the news where parents received a letter saying that if they took their child on holiday in term time their child would be removed from roll and their place offered to the next person on the waiting list.

Sparklingbrook · 20/09/2015 08:50

Iguana I think that makes total sense. If I was a teacher II am sure I would begrudge having to spend time on catching up pupils who were holidaying instead of being at school.

IguanaTail · 20/09/2015 08:53

I think what people really want is schools tailored to their exact and personal standards and ethos.

The uniform is xxxx but of course Mrs Jones your child can wear yyyy. The start of the day is 8:45 but Mr Adamson absolutely fine - let's make it 9:15 because of traffic every day for your kids. The term dates are xxxx but that's fine Ms Smith if you want a family holiday or a few days off let's make it yyyy. The standard of behaviour is xxxx but yes Ms White your child doesn't have to reach that standard so for him alone we will tolerate that, no problem. The English department all moderated your child's piece of work as a grade B. But yes Ms Michaels, you think it should be an A so we will change that. Your child is in set 3 with Mr Hopgood. Hello Ms Adams, your child would prefer to be in set 2 you say? Ok not a problem. Let's select a child from set 2 who performs better than your child and swap them over. Oh, that sounds unfair? Ok well we will put all the people in set 1 and 2 who would like to be there.... So that makes two classes of 46.

It's just people wanting their own way, that's all.