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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is taking my DC out of school really so bad??

305 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/09/2015 19:51

I'm getting a lot of shit judgement from DH's parents about our holiday plans.

I thought long and hard about it and decided that it would be okay to take them out of school given that my youngest is only in nursery (so not compulsory) and my oldest is only in year one and it will just be the week before Christmas and I don't feel she'll miss anything crucial.

My DH is told when he can have time off and has to take projects when they're offered, which means that often he won't see the kids from Monday to Friday (which I know is common) and pretty horrible.

So we booked a holiday for this time, went for lunch at PIL's after and ended up having a huge row with them over booking it during school time.

I know this can be a sore subject, but a week of essentially watching videos and having carol concerts isn't really as important as getting to spend a whole week with your dad is it?

(Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
ButtonMoon88 · 22/09/2015 11:38

Wow this thread has took a turn since I last read it!

I agree that children should be in school during term time. And if anyone of my children's classmates were off I would think what a mistake that selfish parent has made. However, life isn't that black and white, and in the OP I understand why a parent would want to take their child on holiday in that scenario.

school holidays happen pretty much at the same time every year, book your holiday 12months in advance, making a saving, avoid being accused of all sorts, everyone is happy!

fieldsomewhere · 22/09/2015 13:19

Life is short. Just do it!
Before you know it your kids will be older and wont even want to go on holiday with you. Enjoy it while you can and stuff what anyone else thinks about it.

honkinghaddock · 22/09/2015 13:59

The last week of term before Christmas can be an awful time for some children with sn. I know a few children who are always "ill" for at least part of that week.

ovenchips · 22/09/2015 14:25

It also depends on what problem you think these new regulations are addressing. An imaginary worst-case scenario where every single child in every single class uses the full 10 days for holidays (the 10 days I'm referring to being the discretionary 'allowance' decided by the head and in place before these Draconian measures).

Or the real-life scenario where a minority of parents want to take their children out in term-time, and within that minority, they take anywhere between 1-10 days holiday of that discretionary allowance.

Because they are 2 very different things. And only one of those scenarios is real.

NeverNic · 22/09/2015 14:26

Homeschooling is not a viable option for the majority though. Not everyone can manage financially on one salary or have the capabilities or skills to teach, or fund a home tutor.

Additionally why you're right pp about booking in advance (it's what I do) op has explained that her family can't book that far in advance.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 22/09/2015 14:29

oven The RL scenario you describe is as it stood before - and teachers lobbied for change.
You know, the experts who we entrust with our DCs education? They were of the opinion that the former, discretionary system was too disruptive to DCs education.

IceBeing · 22/09/2015 14:31

I must be reading a different OP.

The one I read said the the oldest child was in year 1. So WTF with all the talk of taking extra time to catch them up?

The whole class doesn't learn 1+2 =3 one week and 2+2=4 the next...and god help you if you miss a week coz you might NEVER know what 2+2 is. Seriously what the hell could a child in year 1 miss that would need catching up on? The whole year is repeat reinforce repeat on basic skills!

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 22/09/2015 14:31

Homeschooling is not a viable option for the majority though.

That's not the point either, Nic. It doesn't follow from that, that it's ok to flout the rules and take kids out of school.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 22/09/2015 14:33

nic if you can't home school and can't afford private education that means you have to choose whatever other option is available, doesn't it?

Not opt into a system you don't agree with, fully intending to disregard the regulations that don't suit you.

The inevitable consequence of that is that sanctions will get more and more severe until parents are dissuaded from breaking the law.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 22/09/2015 14:35

ice have you seen the thread about Yr1 homework running at the moment?
Some schools are taking a very intense approach to the new curriculum - with a fast pace and rapid progression.

Whether it's right or wrong is a different debate - as it stands, missing even a day can leave gaps in a DCs knowledge.

IceBeing · 22/09/2015 14:38

south I have seen that countries which don't start school till 7 have better literacy and numeracy rates than the UK....sort of implies that high intensity year 1 is bullshit to me.

Byrdie · 22/09/2015 14:42

Am i right in thinking that private schools are except from the government rules / fines on term time out of school? That speaks volumes to me.

zzzzz · 22/09/2015 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 22/09/2015 14:44

ice but again, picking and choosing which bits of state education you want to opt into, abd disregarding the rest at the expense of other DCs is very selfish!

I don't disagree that other countries provide education in a different way - but if you're opposed to the way it's provided in this country, don't opt into it.

IceBeing · 22/09/2015 14:45

south I don't doubt that a 5 year old that missed a day of school will have a gap in their knowledge....but so will al the 5 year olds that didn't miss any days. Because people don't actually learn everything on the first pass robotically.

If schools are actually no longer going over things in year one and only presenting each thing once then they are even further from educational good practice than I thought.

IceBeing · 22/09/2015 14:47

south I won't opt into it and in fact haven't. I have looked around the globe for the educational models that work best and am implementing them for my child.

I know I am in a privileged position to be able to do that and it boils my piss that our so called government either can't or won't do the same thing for every child in the uk.

tiggytape · 22/09/2015 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 22/09/2015 14:55

ice Do any governments provide a system that works best for each individual DC?

Surely each government can only

SouthAmericanCuisine · 22/09/2015 14:55

Provide the best fit?

SouthAmericanCuisine · 22/09/2015 14:57

My understanding is that penalties for breaking the contract with a private school can be more severe than a FPN Confused

IceBeing · 22/09/2015 15:02

south sure - but the uk model isn't the best model on average for british students. It is pants, outdated and takes into consideration things like not having kids in school when the harvest needs bringing in....and getting kids into education so you can get their parents back to work etc.

In other words things that have nothing to do with the educational interests of actual children at all.

NeverNic · 22/09/2015 15:11

Personally I'm not disregarding any rules and haven't taken a child out of school for any other reason than illness, and probably wouldn't except maybe for compassionate leave. My choice for school wasn't based on when I could take holidays though. It was a decision I made for the best match for my children. I don't know anyone who would consider every rule and then decide to pull out a child from traditional education based on one rule when everything else was so right for their child. Also to be honest I don't think your average parent really makes a conscious decision when they are applying for schools that they will take their child out of school term time at some point.

South - what is the other option? Or am.I misreading your post?

Rowgtfc72 · 22/09/2015 17:03

If anyone is interested our request for DD to spend Mon with visiting aussie relatives was approved. Only found out today, rang in sick yesterday as sods law DD was full of cold and absolutely shattered from a couple of late nights so wouldnt have gone in anyway.
Op, hope you get your holiday sorted whatever you end up doing!

ovenchips · 22/09/2015 17:41

South you missed the point I was trying to make. Which is that people are imagining a scenario where if we didn't have these Draconian measures, every single child in every school would be out for 10 days every single year during term-time for a holiday. People are then describing how impossible and unreasonable it would be to expect teachers to be constantly helping every child 'catch up'.

But as I said that is an imaginary scenario. Before this legislation, pnly a minority of parents took their children out of school for term-time holidays, and within that minority they varied from taking between 1-10 days and varied between doing it annually to only doing it once in a child's whole school career. This scenario is the real-life one that was in operation until 2 years ago and is sooo much less widespread, dramatic and alarming.

As for saying teachers lobbied for changes - I could counter with the fact that recent polls found between 61-77% of teachers (in a OnePoll I think) disagreed with fines and the new legislation. That the LGA (Local Goverment Association) announced that they wanted both the fines and inflexibility to be scrapped. And that the Liberal Democrats very recently announced they would reverse the legislation.

But those counter support examples are pointless (as IMO are yours) because all we are doing there is finding 'facts' to support our ideological stance.

The fact is that the Government in general and Michael Gove in very particular pushed these changes through for ideological reasons. That is by far the main driving force behind the legislation. And I and many others do not agree with the ideology.

To suggest because we do not agree with a very recent and ideologically imposed new 'rule' we should be forced to home educate is laughable. We are perfectly entitled to register our disagreement with government policy. You do not only have a right to state education if you promise never to disagree or refuse to conform to every single rule of the school.

If (as a random example) you thought school meals were poor and protested about school meal policies and put your child on packed lunches would that also mean you forfeited your school place and had to home educate?

The point is education policy evolves and changes all the time as it is politically driven. Some of these new policies are poor and we as parents are not obliged to accept ones which are.

shebird · 22/09/2015 18:23

YANBU OP In your shoes I would do the same. The term before Christmas is really tough especially on little ones, they are all exhausted and need a good break. This is the one week my DCs are usually ill and we are all on our knees just trying to get through the last few days. Missing the week before Christmas is not going to impact your child's education. I can't believe anyone can seriously think that a six year old will regret missing the class Christmas party or carol concert. Go for it and have a lovely time.