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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Homework: AIBU to think a 5 year old should not be punished for not doing it?

198 replies

TheOriginalMerylStrop · 18/09/2015 10:52

I have 3 primary aged kids.

I do not agree with young children doing homework for a plethora of reasons, not least that they are at school enough and there is a need for other sorts of learning (like play!) out of school time. My kids all work really hard at school, doing well, and the eldest is Head Boy (massive not stealth boast).

The school is generally understanding of my position and most of the teachers say things like "we only set it because so many parents ask for it" . If they decide they want to do a piece of the homework we find the time and space to support them to do it. If not, we don't do it. So far, no problem.

My youngest in Y1 has been set some moderately uninteresting tasks that range from the meaninglessly easy to the unrealistic without significant parental input. He has no interest in doing it. We went away camping last weekend and had no time in any case.

But last night he was in tears because he had been told he would get a "red card" (and therefore lose his playtime) if he did not bring in this work. I asked him again this morning and he very clearly recounted what was said. I am asking other parents to see if they can confirm or not.

I have kept him off today as he is very pale and tired and has a temperature, but AIBU to think this is totally out of order on the teacher's part? And what should I do about it?

OP posts:

IceBeing · 18/09/2015 16:01

liesal

TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 18/09/2015 16:06

IceBeing completely agree.

LieselVonTwat · 18/09/2015 16:08

OP has said nothing to suggest she hasn't followed the school rules minnie. As for bleating on, it's quite amusing that somebody who advocates blithely and unthinkingly following the rules like a sheep would choose that particular phrase. It actually matters a fuck of a lot that homework at that age is useless. That's incredibly, spectacularly important to the question of whether OP was BU. As this thread makes very clear, often the reason schools set homework is because of parental pressure. With this in mind, of course it's valid to be pointing out to parents what a bad idea it is. Because parental influence matters.

minionmadness · 18/09/2015 16:10

Icebeing Are you really saying that children in countries with higher literacy and numeracy rates don't do as they are told then and the reason ours lag behind is down to ours learning to do as they are told and follow the rules. I could also argue that the reason ours lag behind is down to lack of parental support for their child.

Of course parents have the right to question what is best for their child, what a silly statement to make, who said they weren't. As I said if you don't like our education system you have a choice to home educate until they are 7

LieselVonTwat · 18/09/2015 16:14

You have a choice to home educate for much longer thn aged 7, actually. And if you want to argue that our children lagging behind those in some other countries is down to lack of parental support, let's see some evidence that this lack even exists first of all.

IceBeing · 18/09/2015 16:14

Once you are 7 there is much less need for daft rules in order to keep the class under control....

The rules my DD has reacted allergically to include 'you have to eat your lunch or you can't leave the table' and 'stop crying or you aren't allowed out to play'.

Both of these rules fail to be in the best interest of the child. And there is no way I will be telling my DD to suck it up and do whatever she is told.

But neither are likely to be applied to 7 yos.

minionmadness · 18/09/2015 16:22

You have a choice to home educate for much longer than aged 7, actually

I know that that was in response to a poster saying that other countries start school at 7!

So none of you have rules and boundaries at home that your dc have to follow then?

IceBeing · 18/09/2015 16:25

minion of course we have rules....but if you can't defend the reason for the rule then the rule gets dropped.

so don't touch the oven tray when it is just out of the oven is a rule...and one that we have explained the reason for.

eat everything on your plate or you can't leave the table isn't a rule because it can easily be defeated by the question 'should I eat when I am not hungry then?' to which the answer is no.

So basically we make the rules together as a family because if you can't explain the reason behind a rule to 4 yo's satisfaction then you should probably think again.

BoboChic · 18/09/2015 16:25

IceBeing - I very much agree that one should not insist that DC follow rules that are not sound.

LovelyFriend · 18/09/2015 16:27

We all have a choice to home school if we don't want to follow the school rules.
hahahahahahaha!!

This is utter madness. I have no more "choice" or "option" to home school than I have in where my DC go to school.

LovelyFriend · 18/09/2015 16:29

OP - YABU for keeping your child off school for being "pale and tired".

LieselVonTwat · 18/09/2015 16:29

I do indeed have rules at home minion. Just not shit, counter-productive ones. I don't have any rules at home that have been proven to have no benefit whatsoever.

IceBeing · 18/09/2015 16:29

Here is another good example of a 'school rule'

You have to ask permission to go to the loo.

Why? Crowd control....but you can't explain that to 5 yos...so it just becomes an arbitrary rule - a 'just do as you are told' thing.

It must annoy kids because they must see that a) this is not a real world rule as adults don't do it. b) they don't have to do it all the time, only at school.

Almost all the ridiculous school rules are down to crowd control....but to kids it is just an endless list of do this, don't do that....which I am becoming more and more convinced is all they learn in primary school.

BoboChic · 18/09/2015 16:32

It is sadly all too easy for the institution of school to take precedence over acquisition of knowledge and skills.

minionmadness · 18/09/2015 16:33

This is utter madness. I have no more "choice" or "option" to home school than I have in where my DC go to school.

Why not? Everyone has the choice to home school, if you are saying that it is not an option for you that is a completely different.

minionmadness · 18/09/2015 16:39

I do indeed have rules at home minion. Just not shit, counter-productive ones. I don't have any rules at home that have been proven to have no benefit whatsoever.

I might think some of your rules are too harsh/soft... in much the same way that you might think some of mine are.

The point is I have to respect that it is your house, so your rules... the same applies to school.

Anyway I'm out... taking my dc bowling after they have finished their homework

bananafish · 18/09/2015 16:40

YANBU at all. There are many parents, as demonstrated by this thread, who believe that homework is a sign of a “good school” that sets firm boundaries. Whereas, it actually shows a distinct lack of applying evidence based principles to education. Secondary school is when homework becomes important in a child’s learning arc as they need to become skilled at more independent learning.

5yr old children need to play, relax and learn from their surroundings. They are going to find out a lot more about maths, for example, by helping to measure and weigh out ingredients for a cake than tackling some mundane worksheet.

NewLife4Me · 18/09/2015 16:47

They punish the dc as they can't punish you. I think it's awful but obviously they want you to feel that it's unfair so you will support them to do it.
Go to school and reiterate you don't do homework at your house and should there be any repercussions for your child you will take it further.
Homework isn't compulsory, mine didn't do it either.

Girlfriend36 · 18/09/2015 16:48

Op YADNBU I do not like home work and think it should be banned (other than reading) in key stage 1 and minimal in key stage 2.

At my dds (9yo) school she has to read and write a comment about what she has read 5 times a week. This is fine, we occasionally do some spellings together and they are sometimes set a project home to do.

The amount of home work your son was sent home with was ludicrous and I would be seriously pissed off if it were my child. At 5 yo they should be playing, exploring and using their imaginations not doing bloody homework!!

LieselVonTwat · 18/09/2015 17:02

Minion this isn't actually about what anyone thinks though. It's a matter of fact, not opinion, that there's no evidence that doing homework aged 5 is of any benefit. Also, as has been made very, very clear, children in the school OP mentions don't actually have to do homework. As for house rules, if you were receiving public funds to educate loads of children in your house rather than just looking after your own, and you insisted on pursuing policies that have been shown not to benefit those children, it would be 100% legitimate for their parents to refuse to enact those policies outside of your home even if you did think yourself entitled to demand they did.

BoffinMum · 18/09/2015 17:08

Diesel's right, and for some children it may be harmful developmentally to force them through a model of education that is more about adult bean counting than children. And the idea that this will mean they become entitled adults or whatever is absurd.

In most of the work infant schools don't even exist - kids start school around KS2.

CoteDAzur · 18/09/2015 17:08

"one should not insist that DC follow rules that are not sound."

DC was not given an order to stab a classmate in the neck with a pencil, though. He was given homework which was very probably very easy and would be over in minutes. It's hardly an "unsound rule" to do the homework your teacher gives you at school.

BoffinMum · 18/09/2015 17:11

I think people should back up the school in front of their kids but if the homework thing is just not working for whatever reason, a better way needs to negotiated with the school (without the child there). Home/school relationships are very important - school is not meant to mean imprisoning kids and subjecting them to any old rubbish. And doling out heaps of homework to tinies 'because other parents expect it' is, quite frankly, pedagogical rubbish.

BoffinMum · 18/09/2015 17:12

And it was expecting kids to follow rules mindlessly and obediently that led to most of the criminal child abuse cases. Children should always think about what they are doing and speak to parents about it.

Bakeoffcake · 18/09/2015 17:22

If you don't want to insist he does his homework at 5 years old, I agree with you, that he shouldnt have to.

But you must go and see the teacher and explain your position. You can't expect a 5 year old to do it. Just go in and tell the teacher what your standpoint is.

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