Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I have to do more housework because I earn less money

275 replies

parrotsaremeh · 17/09/2015 20:27

Am I unreasonable for being angry about this?

I think housework contribution should be based on hours worked, not money earned.

We live in a more expensive area because he wanted to live near his work. This means I also have travel costs and need to commute one hour each way, every day. It also means I could not cover half of all bills with my salary. If we moved closer to my job to a cheaper area, I could pay half of the bills, but he refuses to do this.

It is true that he pays the vast majority of the bills because he earns five times what I do. However, I don't think the lower earner should become skivvy to the higher earner.

As a side note, he is a lot messier than me which makes it worse. This may sound quite trivial but I am thinking of leaving because it makes me feel so demeaned.

OP posts:
AlanPacino · 17/09/2015 20:49

hours out of the house

Nope, child free time is the way to work it out fairly otherwise a SAHM should be expected to do it all and that's not fair either.

goodasitgets · 17/09/2015 20:51

Is he still alive or have you clubbed him over the head with a copy of "housework from the 1950s"?

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/09/2015 20:51

He's a twat, and should hire a cleaner if he's got so much money.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 17/09/2015 20:53

OP its time.you did your own for a bit. Own washing ironing cooking blah... see where that gets him.

GeneParmesan · 17/09/2015 20:54

Christ what a pig, get a cleaner and charge it to his bank account!

Wewereneverbeingboring · 17/09/2015 20:54

Yes as the lower earner of course you should be doing more to clean up his shit. I suggest you start by grabbing the Hoover attachment and sticking it up his arse.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 17/09/2015 20:56

The more threads I read on MN the more I love and appreciate my Dh.

NameChange30 · 17/09/2015 20:58

"I suggest you start by grabbing the Hoover attachment and sticking it up his arse."
Grin

Sunshineandsilverbirch · 17/09/2015 21:01

Simon I completely agree.

ScrambledSmegs · 17/09/2015 21:03

Why are you only thinking of leaving him?

BuggersMuddle · 17/09/2015 21:09

What a disrespectful arse.

Another thing that jumped out from your post:

If you lived in the other area you could pay 50%. Would your DH seriously expect you to do so when he earns 5 times your salary. I certainly don't ask DP to hand over 50% of the household costs when he's not bringing in 50% of the income and our income disparity is far less. I do hope your not struggling to pay your way while he can flash the cash.

Does he have any redeeming features OP?

StealthPolarBear · 17/09/2015 21:10

"Perhaps you should charge him for the housework you do...."

I suspect he'd be fine with that

Murfles · 17/09/2015 21:13

If DH is out working hard providing for his family I don't think that he is bu to come home to a good home

Can you clarify what a "good home" means?

Muckogy · 17/09/2015 21:13

yes - show him this thread.
he is indeed a twunt.

MistressMerryWeather · 17/09/2015 21:16

I don't earn anything. Shock

By his standards should I be wiping DH's arse?

pointythings · 17/09/2015 21:17

If you work equal hours, you do equal housework. End of. If anything, he should be doing a smidge more because he has less of a commute. He's a twat, set him straight.

annandale · 17/09/2015 21:20

I don't think he's unreasonable to want to live near his work in a nice area, but if he has actually said that you effectively have to clean your way into a kind of solvency in the relationship that satisfies him, he has a fundamentally fucked up idea of what relationships are.

The only possible saving grace could be that he is so thoughtless he's never really considered any of this. Only you know whether you feel committed enough to him to stick around, say no and explain why. Sometimes people just haven't thought, and it may not be attractive in itself but they can swing to the opposite pole once you point out the implications of what he's said.

DixieNormas · 17/09/2015 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeAmarok · 17/09/2015 21:27

Shock Wow.

What are his good qualities?

Original poster
parrotsaremeh · 17/09/2015 21:27

Thanks, everyone. I did read him this thread. His answer was to tell me "Well, I don't agree with that." He has now left the room and is refusing to speak to me.

He added that I had phrased my OP incorrectly because "what he actually said was that income and housework should be PROPORTIONAL". I said that as far as I was aware, this was the same thing, but he insists that it is totally different.

I don't know what to do, really. We don't have kids - I have held off because I feel overwhelmed now. I'm either working, commuting, cleaning or sleeping collapsed on the sofa because I am so tired.

OP posts:
annandale · 17/09/2015 21:29

How long is his commute?

Kampeki · 17/09/2015 21:29

He is talking crap. It makes no difference how much you earn, what matters is how many hours you work and how much leisure time you get. And I say that as someone who earns approximately fives times as much as my DH. The income is irrelevant.

mrstweefromtweesville · 17/09/2015 21:29

Sack him. Why do you want him around?

Minicaters · 17/09/2015 21:30

It doesn't sound trivial OP. Don't dismiss your feelings on this. He is being hugely disrespectful to you. It's not too much to expect your partner to treat you as an equal FFS.

Original poster
parrotsaremeh · 17/09/2015 21:31

Kampeki, how would it change your relationship if you expected your H to do more housework than you?

I feel it negatively impacts our relationship. I feel quite bullied, tbh.

OP posts: