DH says I have to do more housework because I earn less money

[parrotsaremeh]

Am I unreasonable for being angry about this?

I think housework contribution should be based on hours worked, not money earned.

We live in a more expensive area because he wanted to live near his work. This means I also have travel costs and need to commute one hour each way, every day. It also means I could not cover half of all bills with my salary. If we moved closer to my job to a cheaper area, I could pay half of the bills, but he refuses to do this.

It is true that he pays the vast majority of the bills because he earns five times what I do. However, I don't think the lower earner should become skivvy to the higher earner.

As a side note, he is a lot messier than me which makes it worse. This may sound quite trivial but I am thinking of leaving because it makes me feel so demeaned.

And he doesn't know how to google for snippets? This is no longer a safe space for you to share any information. Please be careful.

hereoftime is quite right. I think you should ask for this thread to be deleted. I think you have what you need from it and you can always change user name and start a new thread.

Unfortunately MN is such a high-traffic site that it comes high up google search results, even if he can only remember a few words of the title...

He will definitely be able to find this thread. My H stalked me on MN and almost always found my threads even though I kept changing name. I had to ask MN to delete all my history as he kept whipping out another printout of a thread in our counselling sessions to 'prove' I was an evil mother/person/wife.

He still blames MN for our marital troubles as I 'wouldn't have known any different' if it weren't for MN stirring things up. He's wrong about that, I'm perfectly capable of spotting an arsehole all by myself.

He still blames MN for our marital troubles as I 'wouldn't have known any different' if it weren't for MN

in other words he knows that he was in the wrong and he thinks that without the support and help of other women he'd have been able to get away with it because he could control your view of his behavior (whatever it was I have no knowledge of your mn history BlackAmericano)

He still blames MN for our marital troubles as I 'wouldn't have known any different' if it weren't for MN stirring things up.

Chilling.

*You're supposed to be friends with the person you marry.

You're supposed to like each other.*

you know sometimes I think there should be public service announcements saying just this. Or maybe they should print it at the back of wedding/engagement paraphernalia like the smoking causes cancer warnings.

Yes, chilling. It reminds me of my arsewipe EA X"D"P. He disapproved of my getting emotional support from my best friend, lest I get a grip dangerous ideas about what a healthy relationship is like.

All the best OP.

Best of luck op. Its hard to extricate yourself I know but believe me, its a lot easier before you have children. I'm really struggling to even get a rental to move into as private landlords want threshold earnings, IE no housing benefit top ups, and smaller houses won't accept 2 children. He is furious at the thought of me leaving and makes life very difficult. Trust me, if you think you'd be better off without him, you most likely would. I feel for you.

You have no kids yet.

Get out now and thank your lucky stars for dodging a bulet. It ain't going to get better once you have :DCs

OP, people who are in abusive situations, or near to them, always, always, always have a reason why it's not that bad really. I was one of them.

I'm glad to hear he doesn't hit you. You are supposed to not hit your wife and you are not supposed to claim credit for it. If that's the best one can say about him, the bar is so low you could trip and fall over it.

You don't have to be starved, beaten and locked in cupboards to be abused, and you don't have to be abused to leave a marriage. He is clearly on the road to trying to abuse you, through financial control. He thinks he owns you because he earns so much more, even though you have no knowledge or say in the money that he says creates your obligation. He has stated outright that even if you did have kids (DON'T), he would still make you go to him and ask him for funds rather than sharing them out like adults in an equal partnership and giving you any autonomy. God, the comment about you not knowing any different? He should just come out and say women shouldn't read or go to uni because then they start getting ideas. That's what he means.

He's aggravated because he married you hoping he could control you financially and now he's panicking and upping the ante because he's realised you won't fall for that shit and you have a brain.

He is a gutless, worthless, spineless, useless, grasping coward of a man and he will only get worse - and he's right, if you don't leave while you still have your own job and mind, you really will forget you know any different and this will become normal for you. And then you really are fucked.

Get out. Get out. Get out.

What a tool.

he doesn't hit you now or yet....
but, when you tell him you are leaving he will become dangerous. just be aware. make your plans get everything in order and go.

leave the divorce papers on the table...

you do not want to be telling him in the evening oh darling by the way tomorrow i will leave you dear.... and give him time to think of ways to force you to stay....

Just realised it wasn't OP who made the comment about 'not knowing any different', so sorry about that, but the point still stands. He's still disrespecting your independent thought - he doesn't agree, so that's all that matters.

My first ever LTB, not words I take lightly.

Wishing you the strength and self confidence to pack your things and start a new life, the life you deserve.

"Houston, we have a problem."

Disaster was averted by taking proper action and terminating when the looming crisis was identified, not after it had begun.

Houston, you have a problem.

Of course, it doesn't matter whether he agrees with us or not - we don't need his permission to think he's a wanker.

I too would like to know how he quantifies this supposed "proportional" effort.

I can't remember if it has been mentioned but do you own your house? Upon divorce, you are entitled to half the equity. You've paid half the bills. He can either give you a lump sum from his enormous saving pot or sell it.

So he has plenty of savings, yet it was your windfall that was used for a holiday of his choice? It gets worse.

It is so good that you have got to understand how he thinks before having children.

Don't tell him you're going. Go.

Men like this so often do turn into rampant rampaging monsters when they think their prey is getting away.

Maybe change your nickname, start a new thread in the other place, and then PM a few people on this thread telling them where you are. The ones you contact can contact others from here. (If you do do this, may I ask now that everyone be careful about who they pass the info on to. You can't be too careful!)

Leave!! You will be so much happier long term!

Honestly. Never before have I so adamantly said- run and run for the hills

You need to plan your way out.Forget the holiday ,the money would be useful but you can't rely on it,also he would find out if you cancelled it.As others say giving him notice of your leaving him could be dangerous..Be strong,be safe and be out by Christmas.If family can't help can friends,even work colleges can be suprisingly helpful and then reveal their problems too as on here and voila a support network.Keep in touch and let us know how you are whatever you decide.

If you had a child, he would expect you back to work pronto, You would have all the childcare and household duties as well as work.

He would expect you to pay for all this.

He's hideous.

How are you today op?