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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!

388 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 09:51

Okay so this is trivial but I am still pissed off and I need a good old rant about it.

Out at a gig last night, obviously a tense undercurrent between two of the people there who are a couple and live together. I'll call them Chris and Lisa.

I was trying to actually enjoy myself and listen to the bloody band sp I didn't want to get embroiled in it, they argue a lot and the tension is really obvious at times.

Anyway to cut a long story a bit shorter, when it was time to leave she was nowhere to be found. Apparently though she had text Chris to say she was leaving us to it. Chris didn't seem bothered, the other member of the group (Dave) was getting concerned as she wouldn't answer her phone.

Now, she has serious form for flouncing off. Earlier this year she did it when we were abroad and informed us she was going to walk the five miles back to the hotel by herself along this little unlit road. Cue us all cutting short our night to get into a taxi and drive along until we found her.

The tube stop that would get her directly home was five minutes walk away, so I sent her a text to say text me when she got in. She didn't read it so I assumed it hadn't come through as she was on the tube. Anyway after about ten minutes Dave (whose own girlfriend couldn't make it as was ill at home in bed) gets a call to say she had been walking for ages and was in a strange part of town.

So I said, well she's obviously just trying to make a point now and get us all to worry about her. She didn't magic herself to a strange part of town, did she, when she could have just gone around the corner to the nearest station.

As I get up for work at 6am and it's now nearing midnight, I said I'd had enough. She wasn't drunk, she had money on her. I left her a voicemail to say get to the nearest station, or get a taxi if you have to, get home and drop me a text when you're there.

Anyway Chris is useless and is now drunk and says he's just going to go home. Dave says I'm being heartless and he's really worried about Lisa (he is now the only person she will answer the phone to as he's the only one indulging her at this point!) I said if he wants to go and get her that was up to him but she's perfectly capable and in my opinion acting really immaturely. During the course of this discussion (everywhere is shut now so we're just outside, and I just want to get home) she texts to say it's alright, she's on her way home but there are drunk people on the night bus and she feels vulnerable. I leave a message for Chris to meet her off the bus, which he apparently did. So Dave talks to her on the phone until she's back and texts me at 1:45am to say she's now back safely but he couldn't believe, as a 'fellow woman' that I'd been so bloody unsympathetic to her and how would I have liked to be in her shoes?!

Isn't it all a bit childish though, this flouncing off and expecting people to run around fretting and picking up the pieces? Or am I really just a crap mate?! we are all nearly thirty for God's sake!

OP posts:
MadHattersWineParty · 23/09/2015 16:55

Exactly- I didn't know whether to update or not as it seems of you do it a certain number of times (even just to answer questions from other posters) you are called a troll. If you don't you get:

'I see the OP hasn't been back Hmm'

So no, you can't win!

OP posts:
MadHattersWineParty · 23/09/2015 17:31

Although everyone on this thread is lovely Smile

OP posts:
ElBandito · 23/09/2015 17:33

Mind you the thread that's got everyone upset was horrendous!

MadHattersWineParty · 23/09/2015 17:39

I know! I didn't read it....a 'grief theif' topic from what I can deduce?! It sounded awful.

OP posts:
Squishyeyeballs · 23/09/2015 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Annarose2014 · 23/09/2015 19:21

which was the one that got everyone upset? I'm a nosey bitch, me. Grin

OTheHugeManatee · 23/09/2015 20:41

Wow, this woman is truly awful Grin

I don't care if you're a troll, OP (I don't think you are btw) keep posting. I'm agog at her bizarre antics and also thanking my lucky stars my twenties are over. Grin

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 23/09/2015 21:35

Thankfully missed that thread. Fingers crossed that Chris sees the light.

Jux · 23/09/2015 21:46

So she's gone for the moment. Hoorah! Hope Chris sees reason this evening.

Annarose, I missed the thread too, so if anyone would like to enlighten us....? There'll be cake Cake

tiredvommachine · 23/09/2015 23:01

The thread was in aibu and was a poster saying her DS had been killed in a car crash and she was now pregnant with twins but her own mother had turned it into a grief competition,saying she was more upset than the OP.
Was horrible to read and some people are just sick in the head.

tiredvommachine · 24/09/2015 18:25

Any update Op?

MadHattersWineParty · 24/09/2015 19:50

Chris wants rid of her for sure. She knows this too because her mum called Chris to say Lisa was in tears that she'd been 'sent away' and if money was the issue they would pay Lisa's half for three months. Chris said he would love to be free Of her and get his life back (his words) but says she will worm her way back in with some dramatic event or gesture or just guilt him back into it. He just says it's not a loving relationship, it's just him picking up the pieces after her and wondering what she will do next.

OP posts:
WhoTheFIsJeff · 24/09/2015 19:54

Great update madHatters

If he breaks up with her it's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better. He needs to though.

rollonthesummer · 24/09/2015 19:56

He's his own worst enemy then!

With that attitude, he'll end up with her forever (with marriage and kids) because he's too scared to split up with her!! I'd say now was an ideal time to do it!

MadHattersWineParty · 24/09/2015 19:58

We all said he was mad for letting her move in!

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 24/09/2015 20:00

Why on earth would he want to live like that? He needs to end it, imagine how it would be if they had a child, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

I can't believe he would be foolish enough to let her worm her way back in with some dramatic event or gesture, if he does then he will eventually isolate himself from his friends as they clearly have had enough of her.

MadHattersWineParty · 24/09/2015 20:05

I think he wants to stay strong so we will all be there for him. He's young! He can't be tied to her forever, what a waste of a life. He's under pressure from her parents though I think. God knows what sob story she's spun them.

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 24/09/2015 20:10

I think you are going to have to be very strong for him MadHatters, he would have a life of unrelenting drama and misery tied to her and as you say what a waste of a life.

It's completely unfair of her parents to pressure him irrespective of whatever sob story she has spun, that's really not on.

Atenco · 24/09/2015 20:27

Imagine offering to pay your dd's ex to take her back!!! Aarrrgghh

ElBandito · 24/09/2015 20:37

That would be the next thing, pregnancy.

MadHattersWineParty · 24/09/2015 20:39

Chris says he's been avoiding having sex with her for weeks as he's terrified she'll do exactly that!

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 24/09/2015 20:41

He's under pressure from her parents to take her back? Confused words fail me.

Poor Chris. I feel sorry for Lisa too, but not enough to think he should spend the rest of his life with her..... has he actually explained to her parents that he doesn't love her anymore and that she needs some serious therapy? That might shock them out of insisting that he take her back (if only because they want to avoid the nasty man with his obvious lies).....

kickassangel · 24/09/2015 20:50

So, she's emotionally insecure, manipulative and sounding abusive. Her parents are in full support of this and enabling her, and Chris feels too overwhelmed to cope with the fall out of dumping her.

I think he needs to put together a carefully worded email, making sure that it is very clear that he wants no further contact, and will only speak about practical issues such as returning her things. Is she on the lease? If not, he can say he doesn't want her near his place. He owes nothing to her parents and can ignore them.

And he maybe needs to be prepared to call the police if she turns up causing a scene.

She clearly needs some serious therapy and intervention, as this is just a crazy situation.

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/09/2015 20:51

the parents will be terrified she's back for good. They probably thought they'd got rid of her.

eddielizzard · 24/09/2015 21:01

he's seriously got to get rid of her. just reading this thread has made me want to slap her. let her have her tantrums and life-threatening ordeals. just ignore ignore ignore. poor man.

and good on you. dave is seeing the light.

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