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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!

388 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 09:51

Okay so this is trivial but I am still pissed off and I need a good old rant about it.

Out at a gig last night, obviously a tense undercurrent between two of the people there who are a couple and live together. I'll call them Chris and Lisa.

I was trying to actually enjoy myself and listen to the bloody band sp I didn't want to get embroiled in it, they argue a lot and the tension is really obvious at times.

Anyway to cut a long story a bit shorter, when it was time to leave she was nowhere to be found. Apparently though she had text Chris to say she was leaving us to it. Chris didn't seem bothered, the other member of the group (Dave) was getting concerned as she wouldn't answer her phone.

Now, she has serious form for flouncing off. Earlier this year she did it when we were abroad and informed us she was going to walk the five miles back to the hotel by herself along this little unlit road. Cue us all cutting short our night to get into a taxi and drive along until we found her.

The tube stop that would get her directly home was five minutes walk away, so I sent her a text to say text me when she got in. She didn't read it so I assumed it hadn't come through as she was on the tube. Anyway after about ten minutes Dave (whose own girlfriend couldn't make it as was ill at home in bed) gets a call to say she had been walking for ages and was in a strange part of town.

So I said, well she's obviously just trying to make a point now and get us all to worry about her. She didn't magic herself to a strange part of town, did she, when she could have just gone around the corner to the nearest station.

As I get up for work at 6am and it's now nearing midnight, I said I'd had enough. She wasn't drunk, she had money on her. I left her a voicemail to say get to the nearest station, or get a taxi if you have to, get home and drop me a text when you're there.

Anyway Chris is useless and is now drunk and says he's just going to go home. Dave says I'm being heartless and he's really worried about Lisa (he is now the only person she will answer the phone to as he's the only one indulging her at this point!) I said if he wants to go and get her that was up to him but she's perfectly capable and in my opinion acting really immaturely. During the course of this discussion (everywhere is shut now so we're just outside, and I just want to get home) she texts to say it's alright, she's on her way home but there are drunk people on the night bus and she feels vulnerable. I leave a message for Chris to meet her off the bus, which he apparently did. So Dave talks to her on the phone until she's back and texts me at 1:45am to say she's now back safely but he couldn't believe, as a 'fellow woman' that I'd been so bloody unsympathetic to her and how would I have liked to be in her shoes?!

Isn't it all a bit childish though, this flouncing off and expecting people to run around fretting and picking up the pieces? Or am I really just a crap mate?! we are all nearly thirty for God's sake!

OP posts:
fieldfare · 15/09/2015 10:49

She sounds like far too much hard work. Ignore and carry on as normal, just refuse to get dragged in and if it makes the evening tedious, go home.
I'm clearly as heartless as you.

BowiesJumper · 15/09/2015 10:51

Dave needs to wise up! Chris is right to ignore that sort of carry on, she'd soon stop if it wasn't getting the desired response.

ijustwannadance · 15/09/2015 10:54

Can't stand women who put on the pathetic 'save me i'm so delicate' act on, and the stupid men who fall for it.

Of course she didn't phone you who can see right through her bullshit, or her pissed
DP who is used to her shit.

I'd put money on the fact that if dave's gf had been out, there is no way she would've rang him.

Next time you are all together, sober, call her on it. Ask her nicely why she didn't just go to the station. Strange part of town my arse. She knew where the bus stop is.

I think it's to do with the dynamics of her relationship with chris. They have a row, because she's a spoilt attention seeker so then tries to ruin his night out and make it about poor little her.

ImperialBlether · 15/09/2015 10:55

She sounds like a 13 year old attention seeking drama queen who hasn't read The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

Snoozebox · 15/09/2015 10:56

It's like feminism never happened. Both that Lisa is being so pathetic and that the guys expect you to run around after her!

hellsbellsmelons · 15/09/2015 10:58

Easy response is - well I would never be in her shoes, because I'm not a drama lama out to get attention and I wouldn't put my friends in the position that she did as it's selfish and I am NOT selfish. So it's basically a moot point!

I couldn't deal with a person like this - I really couldn't.

sonjadog · 15/09/2015 11:00

I think you were remarkably patient with her. I would have left her to it a long time ago. I wouldn't have gone after her in the taxi when you were on holiday either.

ijustwannadance · 15/09/2015 11:00

And of course she couldn't have just said goodbye to you all before she left could she? No drama on that and someone might of gone with her. Cleared her head on the train?

paulapompom · 15/09/2015 11:05

YaNbu and if one of my daughters wandered off like that, being a drama queen I would tell her what's what (God I sound old! ).

Apart from all the other trouble she caused, she could actually end up in a bad situation - NOT victim blaming, but most people try not to walk alone in unfamiliar places, sometimes it has to be done, but most of us wouldn't chooses it. Dave sounds very naive, and although he was trying to be kind to Lisa was mean to you. They both need to grow up. How old is she btw. X

rollonthesummer · 15/09/2015 11:14

She sounds like an immature drama llama!

UterusUterusGhali · 15/09/2015 11:16

She sounds intolerable.

YADNBU.

PermetsTu · 15/09/2015 11:18

She sounds utterly exhausting.

Justmuddlingalong · 15/09/2015 11:20

Have you ever pulled her up on her behaviour, or is it generally accepted as just how she is?

nancy75 · 15/09/2015 11:21

She sounds like an attention seeking twat and Dave sounds like a div.

She was in London not a bloody warzone, i hate all of this poor little women need protecting crap

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 11:24

Thanks everyone, am relieved to hear I'm not just being a rubbish mate...She is a complete drama-llama, as I said to Dave, if she'd just felt like going home, SHE COULD HAVE GONE HOME. Not wander around Willesdon bloody Junction for no apparent reason, ignoring all calls apart from Dave's.

She's 27. I actually think Chris is right not to pander to her flounces and sulks but Dave just thinks he's being uncaring. he thinks I'm uncaring now too! I am tempted to text his girlfriend (now a good friend of mine) to get her take on it!

OP posts:
Scobberlotcher · 15/09/2015 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scobberlotcher · 15/09/2015 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 11:28

honestly I can just imagine her smiling a little to herself as she sent the texts...
as for 'on a night bus but there are drunk people and I feel vulnerable' oh do fuck off and go and live in the provinces, dear.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 15/09/2015 11:34

I am tempted to text his girlfriend (now a good friend of mine) to get her take on it!

that is dangerous, Lisa would do that.

mabe next time she starts just suggest she grows up and acts her age.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 11:35

Yes I agree Twin and really how many drunk people could be inducing her state of vulnerbility when the bus is going towards central London and not away from it Hmm

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 15/09/2015 11:37

I really hate when men tell me I should have behaved a certain way because I'm a woman. Your friend sounds like the type of sexist who really believes he's a true feminist.
Lisa's an attention seeking, childish drama llama who shouldn't be indulged any further, for her own good.

senua · 15/09/2015 11:42

Don't text Dave's gf. Go round to see her

  1. give her the full story (which you can't do in a text) so she can work on Dave.
  2. it will show Dave that you are not a heartless cow-bag. Take grapes!
rollonthesummer · 15/09/2015 11:48

Dave sounds like hard work as well, tbh!

MonicaBilongame · 15/09/2015 11:48

Sounds like a case of severe arrested development boundary pushing coupled with a needy personality that has to have proof all the time that someone loves her regardless of what she does. Dave sounds like someone who needs to be needed and gets his sense of self-worth by playing the rescuer. Chris sounds like he has heard it all before and can't be arsed with her antics, and you sound far too sane and level-headed to be associating with her.

LittleLionMansMummy · 15/09/2015 11:49

Her behaviour sounds tiresome in the extreme. The best way to deal with attention seeking children is to ignore them. YANBU and your other friends need to wise up.