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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!

388 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 09:51

Okay so this is trivial but I am still pissed off and I need a good old rant about it.

Out at a gig last night, obviously a tense undercurrent between two of the people there who are a couple and live together. I'll call them Chris and Lisa.

I was trying to actually enjoy myself and listen to the bloody band sp I didn't want to get embroiled in it, they argue a lot and the tension is really obvious at times.

Anyway to cut a long story a bit shorter, when it was time to leave she was nowhere to be found. Apparently though she had text Chris to say she was leaving us to it. Chris didn't seem bothered, the other member of the group (Dave) was getting concerned as she wouldn't answer her phone.

Now, she has serious form for flouncing off. Earlier this year she did it when we were abroad and informed us she was going to walk the five miles back to the hotel by herself along this little unlit road. Cue us all cutting short our night to get into a taxi and drive along until we found her.

The tube stop that would get her directly home was five minutes walk away, so I sent her a text to say text me when she got in. She didn't read it so I assumed it hadn't come through as she was on the tube. Anyway after about ten minutes Dave (whose own girlfriend couldn't make it as was ill at home in bed) gets a call to say she had been walking for ages and was in a strange part of town.

So I said, well she's obviously just trying to make a point now and get us all to worry about her. She didn't magic herself to a strange part of town, did she, when she could have just gone around the corner to the nearest station.

As I get up for work at 6am and it's now nearing midnight, I said I'd had enough. She wasn't drunk, she had money on her. I left her a voicemail to say get to the nearest station, or get a taxi if you have to, get home and drop me a text when you're there.

Anyway Chris is useless and is now drunk and says he's just going to go home. Dave says I'm being heartless and he's really worried about Lisa (he is now the only person she will answer the phone to as he's the only one indulging her at this point!) I said if he wants to go and get her that was up to him but she's perfectly capable and in my opinion acting really immaturely. During the course of this discussion (everywhere is shut now so we're just outside, and I just want to get home) she texts to say it's alright, she's on her way home but there are drunk people on the night bus and she feels vulnerable. I leave a message for Chris to meet her off the bus, which he apparently did. So Dave talks to her on the phone until she's back and texts me at 1:45am to say she's now back safely but he couldn't believe, as a 'fellow woman' that I'd been so bloody unsympathetic to her and how would I have liked to be in her shoes?!

Isn't it all a bit childish though, this flouncing off and expecting people to run around fretting and picking up the pieces? Or am I really just a crap mate?! we are all nearly thirty for God's sake!

OP posts:
SistersOfPercy · 15/09/2015 09:54

If you are heartless then I am too. I'm assuming she has some amazing quality that keeps you friendly with her? If it were me she'd have been ditched a while ago.

JammyGem · 15/09/2015 09:54

I have a friend like this and know exactly what you mean OP. If the station was round the corner, if she really wanted to go home without causing drama and having everyone pandering to her, she would've gone straight there.

YANBU.

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 09:56

god how old is she 12? 'she is on the night bus and there are drunk people and she feels vulnerable' 'she is in a strange part of town'.
She sounds like a right piece of work and should not really be living in London.
Yes very very childish indeed. Sounds like she could do with a good...ignoring.

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 09:58

and as for Dave and his 'fellow woman' shite, sounds like she has him wrapped round his little finger. Girl women like that make me so mad!

Scarydinosaurs · 15/09/2015 09:58

YANBU

glasgowlass · 15/09/2015 09:59

YANBU There is always one drama llama who craves any type of attention. She sounds like a lot of hard work. TBH I'd ditch her as a friend. Who actually thinks it's ok to behave in such a manner?

LooseSeal · 15/09/2015 09:59

I was assuming your friends were all late teens/early twenties until the last sentence.

Lisa sounds like an unbearable drama llama. The only thing to do is ignore all flounces and sulks until she realises she's been behaving like a thirteen year old and stops.

NoahVale · 15/09/2015 10:00

how annoying she sounds.

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 10:02

I told Dave I was sick of pandering to her bullshit and she was totally fine. He said with friends like me who needs enemies....Grin but yes, she totally girl-womans him and is always in some pickle or other. His girlfriend phoned me from her sick bed as she was worried as it was way past the time she thought he'd be home and his phone was constantly engaged!

I'm friends with her as Chris and Dave have been my friends since halls of residence at university, and she comes with the package.

OP posts:
iamanintrovert · 15/09/2015 10:03

She is a tool. That's not a compliment in my part of the world.

iamanintrovert · 15/09/2015 10:04

Dave's a bit of a wally too.

NoahVale · 15/09/2015 10:06

Dave is in touch with her and wants others to back him up due to his ill GF at home, ie. would lthe ill GF be jealous of his shining armour routine.? SO I guess he had to shoulder the responsibility.
what does Dave;s GF think of it.
Chris it seems wasnt bothered but he should have been the one involved.
so I can see why Dave invlved you

sooperdooper · 15/09/2015 10:07

I can't stand drama queens like this, I'd have been the same as you. What was her excuse for not just getting to the station round the corner? She sounds a pain in the arse and I wouldn't indulge her attention seeking

shutupanddance · 15/09/2015 10:08

She sounds a pita. Id drop her. Does Dave have a thing for her?

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 15/09/2015 10:08

so Dave fanices Lisa (lots) Chris is going out with her.

I would have left her to walk home on holiday as well.

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 10:08

imagine her walking past the station that would have got her home safely, and into a 'strange part of town' just so she could phone and ruin everyone's evening!?
Sorry but I really have no time for idiots like this!

sooperdooper · 15/09/2015 10:12

I think you should pull her up on it actually - ask straight out why she ignored the station closest and wandered elsewhere?

catfordbetty · 15/09/2015 10:15

In the circumstances, I think you were more than reasonable. I wouldn't have done as much as you did.

Sandbrook · 15/09/2015 10:21

Screaming for attention either from Dave or Chris, whoever she fancies most. So I don't think you were u in your reaction to her as you were not the one she wanted attention from. There's nothing you can do about that, she's craving attention from the 2 blokes not from a female so your attention would have been unwanted.
I wouldn't worry any more about it

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 10:32

I have text her to ask why she didn't just go to the tube station, she reckoned she needed to 'clear her head' in the arse end of North London in the opposite direction of where we all live

Dave and his girlfriend are very loved-up from what I've seen, they're about to move in together. He's just a really nice bloke who totally gets taken in by her dramas. He is usually incredulous that Chris has 'let' his girlfriend walk off by herself, but she is a grown bloody woman, she doesn't just teleport on to dust tracks and 'strange parts of town' or unlit car parks when we thought she was at the bar, does she?

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 15/09/2015 10:38

She sounds very tedious - have you replied to her text?

ShadowLine · 15/09/2015 10:39

I'd have very little patience with that behaviour.

DoJo · 15/09/2015 10:42

How patronising to think that, because you are a woman, you should be the one to deal with her crap when you provided her with a couple of perfectly sensible alternatives (tube or taxi) and weren't in a position to do much beyond listen to her bang on about herself. Was Dave also berating her actual boyfriend for failing to leap to her aid, or does he get a pass because of his penis?
If Dave wants to waste his time playing the sounding board for her drama, that's up to him, but I would have told him that I wouldn't have ever found myself 'in her shoes' on account of not being a massive attention seeking bellend!

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 10:43

" she reckoned she needed to 'clear her head "

awww then she needed to send a text to spoil everyone 's eveening worrying about her....she does sound like a spoilt little biatch !
Just out of interest, where was this 'strange part of town' in 'the arse end of North London?'

Nabootique · 15/09/2015 10:43

YANBU. Why are Chris and Linda even together if they argue all the time and she ruins evenings out?