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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!

388 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 09:51

Okay so this is trivial but I am still pissed off and I need a good old rant about it.

Out at a gig last night, obviously a tense undercurrent between two of the people there who are a couple and live together. I'll call them Chris and Lisa.

I was trying to actually enjoy myself and listen to the bloody band sp I didn't want to get embroiled in it, they argue a lot and the tension is really obvious at times.

Anyway to cut a long story a bit shorter, when it was time to leave she was nowhere to be found. Apparently though she had text Chris to say she was leaving us to it. Chris didn't seem bothered, the other member of the group (Dave) was getting concerned as she wouldn't answer her phone.

Now, she has serious form for flouncing off. Earlier this year she did it when we were abroad and informed us she was going to walk the five miles back to the hotel by herself along this little unlit road. Cue us all cutting short our night to get into a taxi and drive along until we found her.

The tube stop that would get her directly home was five minutes walk away, so I sent her a text to say text me when she got in. She didn't read it so I assumed it hadn't come through as she was on the tube. Anyway after about ten minutes Dave (whose own girlfriend couldn't make it as was ill at home in bed) gets a call to say she had been walking for ages and was in a strange part of town.

So I said, well she's obviously just trying to make a point now and get us all to worry about her. She didn't magic herself to a strange part of town, did she, when she could have just gone around the corner to the nearest station.

As I get up for work at 6am and it's now nearing midnight, I said I'd had enough. She wasn't drunk, she had money on her. I left her a voicemail to say get to the nearest station, or get a taxi if you have to, get home and drop me a text when you're there.

Anyway Chris is useless and is now drunk and says he's just going to go home. Dave says I'm being heartless and he's really worried about Lisa (he is now the only person she will answer the phone to as he's the only one indulging her at this point!) I said if he wants to go and get her that was up to him but she's perfectly capable and in my opinion acting really immaturely. During the course of this discussion (everywhere is shut now so we're just outside, and I just want to get home) she texts to say it's alright, she's on her way home but there are drunk people on the night bus and she feels vulnerable. I leave a message for Chris to meet her off the bus, which he apparently did. So Dave talks to her on the phone until she's back and texts me at 1:45am to say she's now back safely but he couldn't believe, as a 'fellow woman' that I'd been so bloody unsympathetic to her and how would I have liked to be in her shoes?!

Isn't it all a bit childish though, this flouncing off and expecting people to run around fretting and picking up the pieces? Or am I really just a crap mate?! we are all nearly thirty for God's sake!

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 15/09/2015 18:23

The entertainment value here could be astronomical

Next time she does a cryptic "some people!", add, "I know! I bet we're thinking about the same person!" And refuse to elaborate.

It will confuse and confound her.

Surely if she and Chris are having huge fights, she won't be in your social circle that much longer (she says hopefully).

AndDeepBreath · 15/09/2015 18:29

Surely we can work on something more passive aggressive than that?????"Oh what a shame and especially that you left so early on what turned out to be a fab night. You're right, it can be frightening in London sometimes. My 12 year old cousin got lost the other week for a bit - although at least they all have google maps on their phones these days. Kids eh?"

lunar1 · 15/09/2015 18:30

A friend of mine writes those cryptic FB posts all the time. They only one that comments is her mum!

ijustwannadance · 15/09/2015 18:32

Can't stand those type of fb posts. Put that if she hadn't flounced off without telling you all and waited half an hour, she would've gone home with her bf.

Or put a link to the story Boy who cried wolf.

Can't see her and chris staying together much longer. He's clearly sick of her shit.
Most likely telling him dave is more of a man than him blah blah blah.

PP was right in saying that if you all stop enabling her she will stop. If she flounces off again, carry on having fun, put phones on silent and let her walk down dark canals.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 15/09/2015 18:33

Any more than a dismissive, throwaway comment and you'll be at risk of indulging the drama.

Namechangenell · 15/09/2015 18:35

If I were Dave's GF, I'd be seriously pissed off. He clearly fancies wandering off girl.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 15/09/2015 18:37

He may just have a stupid "saviour" complex, rather than fancying her. Very irritating for his ill girlfriend. He needs to prioritise her over stupid drama.

Justmuddlingalong · 15/09/2015 18:45

Send her this, not subtle, but she might just get your point. Grin

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!
rollonthesummer · 15/09/2015 18:47

Text Chris and tell him you don't know how he pokes up with her!

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 19:02

That picture is brilliant!

Ha! I don't know how he 'pokes' up with her either! Grin

Can't see them splitting up though, she moved to London to be with him and he foots most of their bills and expenses as she drops in and out of various jobs as she can't seem to cope in the workplace very well, someone or other is always 'picking on her'. She's talking about going back to university full time (will be third Bachelors degree if she does) her parents are paying for that though.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 15/09/2015 19:06

What a catch she sounds; he must be thrilled!

Hellochicken · 15/09/2015 19:15

She sounds like she was looking for someone to fret over her and quite childish. I don't like to leave a friend not knowing they got home safe but really you can't stop someone who wants to walk off and clear their head and then not take the suggested transport home.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 15/09/2015 19:20

She just sounds better and better! Poor little thing.

Iwasworried · 15/09/2015 19:29

You clearly have to arrange a group Secret Santa this Christmas (apols for mentioning the C word in September) and fix it so you're gifting her, just so you can anonymously give her the adult reins and she wonders who it was Grin

Bluetrews25 · 15/09/2015 19:31

Some of these replies are fab, but isn't it better to say nothing? Not feed the troll and all that?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 15/09/2015 19:46

Of course it's better, Bluetrews, it's far better to say nothing. But it's not as amusing! :o

WhoAteMyToast · 15/09/2015 20:06

IWasWorried the adult dummies should be on the list too!

ENormaSnob · 15/09/2015 22:07

Just shove her under the fucking night bus next time.

Stupid bitch.

HeyCattyBoomBoom · 15/09/2015 22:15

What an emotional vampire she sounds! And weird and childish to boot. I'd keep a distance from her in future and disengage!

Failing that, I'd go with ENormaSnob's suggestion!

MonicaBilongame · 15/09/2015 22:18

Post on your FB something about tonight I'm going out with the grown-ups - and BLATANTLY don't invite her

tigerscameatnight · 16/09/2015 14:16

I know someone like this. Its for attention. Does my head in.

WhoTheFIsJeff · 16/09/2015 14:18

Op, has anything else been said? Has Dave seen the light?

MadHattersWineParty · 16/09/2015 15:21

Well, not sure Dave has had an epiphany or anything but he is (according to his girlfriend) quite sheepish about coming back so late due to chasing after an attention seeking child. It's also his 30th birthday party in a bar in Central Lond on Saturday night, so we are all hoping no further drama unfolds and she doesn't abscond to find herself in another 'strange part of town'!

OP posts:
MadHattersWineParty · 16/09/2015 15:22

London*

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 16/09/2015 15:26

So you might get to do it all again this weekend? Oh joy. Confused

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