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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!

388 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 09:51

Okay so this is trivial but I am still pissed off and I need a good old rant about it.

Out at a gig last night, obviously a tense undercurrent between two of the people there who are a couple and live together. I'll call them Chris and Lisa.

I was trying to actually enjoy myself and listen to the bloody band sp I didn't want to get embroiled in it, they argue a lot and the tension is really obvious at times.

Anyway to cut a long story a bit shorter, when it was time to leave she was nowhere to be found. Apparently though she had text Chris to say she was leaving us to it. Chris didn't seem bothered, the other member of the group (Dave) was getting concerned as she wouldn't answer her phone.

Now, she has serious form for flouncing off. Earlier this year she did it when we were abroad and informed us she was going to walk the five miles back to the hotel by herself along this little unlit road. Cue us all cutting short our night to get into a taxi and drive along until we found her.

The tube stop that would get her directly home was five minutes walk away, so I sent her a text to say text me when she got in. She didn't read it so I assumed it hadn't come through as she was on the tube. Anyway after about ten minutes Dave (whose own girlfriend couldn't make it as was ill at home in bed) gets a call to say she had been walking for ages and was in a strange part of town.

So I said, well she's obviously just trying to make a point now and get us all to worry about her. She didn't magic herself to a strange part of town, did she, when she could have just gone around the corner to the nearest station.

As I get up for work at 6am and it's now nearing midnight, I said I'd had enough. She wasn't drunk, she had money on her. I left her a voicemail to say get to the nearest station, or get a taxi if you have to, get home and drop me a text when you're there.

Anyway Chris is useless and is now drunk and says he's just going to go home. Dave says I'm being heartless and he's really worried about Lisa (he is now the only person she will answer the phone to as he's the only one indulging her at this point!) I said if he wants to go and get her that was up to him but she's perfectly capable and in my opinion acting really immaturely. During the course of this discussion (everywhere is shut now so we're just outside, and I just want to get home) she texts to say it's alright, she's on her way home but there are drunk people on the night bus and she feels vulnerable. I leave a message for Chris to meet her off the bus, which he apparently did. So Dave talks to her on the phone until she's back and texts me at 1:45am to say she's now back safely but he couldn't believe, as a 'fellow woman' that I'd been so bloody unsympathetic to her and how would I have liked to be in her shoes?!

Isn't it all a bit childish though, this flouncing off and expecting people to run around fretting and picking up the pieces? Or am I really just a crap mate?! we are all nearly thirty for God's sake!

OP posts:
jay55 · 15/09/2015 13:46

Night buses are not the most pleasant form of transport but there are usually other lone women on them and if she felt that vulnerable she could have gone and stood by the driver.
I hope you don't bother with her again, her attitude of my night is spoiled so everyone else's must be too is too tedious.

redredblue · 15/09/2015 14:37

She got herself into that situation because she waned everyone worrying and running after her, why on earth would you be sympathetic to her??

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 14:43

Well I should post about her on the cringe-Facebook thread that is going on at the moment.

'shattered at work today after a nightmare journey home last night, had to get the night bus by myself from a totally unfamiliar area being insulted and threatened by drunks all the way (sad face) '

OP posts:
WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 15/09/2015 14:44

Oh ffs! Please write something.

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 14:45

lol lol lol.
Write something! poor little flower!

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 14:46

Ha! My fingers are itching! What shall I write?!

OP posts:
NoahVale · 15/09/2015 14:47

but she didnt Have to did she.
rrarrr

hellsbellsmelons · 15/09/2015 14:51

I think I'd write
'Aaahhhh. Diddums. Your flouncing off and not answering your phone caused ALL of us to get a very late night and we are ALL knackered today - so thanks for that, you inconsiderate bitch '

NoahVale · 15/09/2015 14:51

How about

bless

Helpmeoutofthemaze · 15/09/2015 14:52

I would text Dave -

If you can explain why Lisa chose not to go to the nearest tube station and instead wandered into a strange part of town then I can be more understanding. If not, then Lisa is taking you for a mug!

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 15/09/2015 14:53

Put something like 'but you didn't have to get the night bus, the station was five minutes away, you wondered off by yourself'

Or, 'FFS, stop being so over dramatic, you wondered off by yourself so stop with the sad face, you do this every time we go out'

Or something....Grin

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 14:53

yes just awww bless would be quite sufficient - also you wouldnt have actually said anything nasty!!

Helpmeoutofthemaze · 15/09/2015 14:54

I'd write on Facebook - oh dear, Lisa, why ever didn't you get the tube at x station where we were?

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 15/09/2015 15:02

I think 'aw bless' would just feed her.

Maybe just 'Lisa, the station was five minutes away'

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 15/09/2015 15:05

Maybe just 'Lisa, the station was five minutes away'

it needs "but why" at the beginning.
"but why Lisa? the tube station was only 5 mins walk away."

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 15:05

yes put that. 'Lisa the tube station was 5 minutes away when you walked out of the pub' Why on earth did you have to take the night bus? None have had much sleep thanks to worrying about you'.
How about that?

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 15/09/2015 15:06

I would add, 'as usual'

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 15/09/2015 15:07

None have had much sleep thanks to worrying about you'

god no, she knows you worried about her (it worked).
"I had a great nights sleep, got the tube, was home by 11:30"

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 15/09/2015 15:09

I'm not sure about the worrying bit either, that's exactly what she wants.

whois · 15/09/2015 15:10
  1. Lisa is a spoilt bitch
  2. Lisa shouldn't be out and about bu herself if she can't work city mapper or the uber app
  3. Dave fancies her BIG TIME and always has
  4. You defo need to reply to the FB pose "but why did you get the night bus Lisa? the tube station was 5 mins from the gig!"
TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 15:11

ah yes OK too 'feeding'...
What the person with a long sum for their name said instead then.

The80sweregreat · 15/09/2015 15:13

I think you were good to stay up so late myself. it sounds like she has form for this kind of behaviour too. I don't think you are heartless at all and you are not being unreasonable to be fed up with her.

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 15:15

I've said:

so strange- took me less than five minutes to get from the pub to the tube station!

OP posts:
0x530x610x750x630x79 · 15/09/2015 15:16

What the person with a long sum for their name said instead then
Time for a name change, how about passiveAgressiveQueen?

Justmuddlingalong · 15/09/2015 15:17

Try this?

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!
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