Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!

388 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 09:51

Okay so this is trivial but I am still pissed off and I need a good old rant about it.

Out at a gig last night, obviously a tense undercurrent between two of the people there who are a couple and live together. I'll call them Chris and Lisa.

I was trying to actually enjoy myself and listen to the bloody band sp I didn't want to get embroiled in it, they argue a lot and the tension is really obvious at times.

Anyway to cut a long story a bit shorter, when it was time to leave she was nowhere to be found. Apparently though she had text Chris to say she was leaving us to it. Chris didn't seem bothered, the other member of the group (Dave) was getting concerned as she wouldn't answer her phone.

Now, she has serious form for flouncing off. Earlier this year she did it when we were abroad and informed us she was going to walk the five miles back to the hotel by herself along this little unlit road. Cue us all cutting short our night to get into a taxi and drive along until we found her.

The tube stop that would get her directly home was five minutes walk away, so I sent her a text to say text me when she got in. She didn't read it so I assumed it hadn't come through as she was on the tube. Anyway after about ten minutes Dave (whose own girlfriend couldn't make it as was ill at home in bed) gets a call to say she had been walking for ages and was in a strange part of town.

So I said, well she's obviously just trying to make a point now and get us all to worry about her. She didn't magic herself to a strange part of town, did she, when she could have just gone around the corner to the nearest station.

As I get up for work at 6am and it's now nearing midnight, I said I'd had enough. She wasn't drunk, she had money on her. I left her a voicemail to say get to the nearest station, or get a taxi if you have to, get home and drop me a text when you're there.

Anyway Chris is useless and is now drunk and says he's just going to go home. Dave says I'm being heartless and he's really worried about Lisa (he is now the only person she will answer the phone to as he's the only one indulging her at this point!) I said if he wants to go and get her that was up to him but she's perfectly capable and in my opinion acting really immaturely. During the course of this discussion (everywhere is shut now so we're just outside, and I just want to get home) she texts to say it's alright, she's on her way home but there are drunk people on the night bus and she feels vulnerable. I leave a message for Chris to meet her off the bus, which he apparently did. So Dave talks to her on the phone until she's back and texts me at 1:45am to say she's now back safely but he couldn't believe, as a 'fellow woman' that I'd been so bloody unsympathetic to her and how would I have liked to be in her shoes?!

Isn't it all a bit childish though, this flouncing off and expecting people to run around fretting and picking up the pieces? Or am I really just a crap mate?! we are all nearly thirty for God's sake!

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 15/09/2015 11:53

I don't really know that she was expecting you to do anything. She left rudely without saying goodbye. If I did that I wouldn't expect anyone to come after me. I think you just need to treat her like a grown up. I suspect that if she was a man you wouldn't chase after her and tell her to text you etc.

rollonthesummer · 15/09/2015 12:00

What would Dave's girlfriend have done had she been there? Based on previous instances of attention seeking?

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 12:01

'Poor' Dave got it in the neck from his girlfriend when he finally arrived back (she said he was an idiot for buying into childish behaviour) he sent me a long winded message stating the above and wondering why he's now the bad guy for showing concern about someone and said what's the point in being a 'nice guy' these days.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 15/09/2015 12:04

He's not being the nice guy, he's being an enabler to her dramas. Which spoils everyone's night out. Sounds like he enjoys a bit of drama too, unfortunately.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 12:06

Oh, Lisa has never once had one of these episodes when Dave's girlfriend is actually present. She wasn't on the holiday as already had one booked somewhere else, and there's been a couple of other times this year where she hasn't been there and Lisa has flounced off. Last month when I was trying to enjoy myself at a party she kept wanting to go and talk in another room about her and Chris's relationship problems, and when I saidit wasn't really the place but we could meet for coffee the next day if she wanted and talk then, she disappeared and sent us a message to say she was walking on her own along the canal-path and it was really dark.

OP posts:
TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 12:06

he is not being a nice guy he is being a sexist twat who thinks he is being a nice guy. How dare he tell you how to behave on the grounds of your gender!!?

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 12:07

" she disappeared and sent us a message to say she was walking on her own along the canal-path and it was really dark."

Right that is actually bizarre behaviour , you know it.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 12:12

Well yes it was bizarre, but I don't think it was even true- Chris did go and find her on that occasion and they were back at the party pretty remarkably quickly if he'd had to grope his way about on a dark path trying to find her.

OP posts:
Corygal · 15/09/2015 12:13

Drama queen and manipulative. YANBU. No more joint nights out for you unless you want them ruined in advance.

Scobberlotcher · 15/09/2015 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheesyNachos · 15/09/2015 12:16

what everyone else says.

ClearBlueWater · 15/09/2015 12:18

So she is nearly 30, she was sober, and had the money to get home?
She had the opportunity to get to a well lit station around the corner but chose not to?
She then sends a message that she is walking along a dark tow path?
Either she is lying for attention, or she is being damned stupid, to put herself in danger on purpose?
And YOU get it in the neck for not being a 'sister' to her and caring more as you are both women?

Jings. Shock

I have just been reading about an 11 year old refugee who has in all likelihood travelled across Europe alone, with little food/water/language skills and his only 'safety' may have come from people traffickers.

Your friends need to grow the heck up.

InimitableJeeves · 15/09/2015 12:28

Have you tried asking Dave whether he wondered why she'd put herself into that situation, and indeed why she repeatedly does it? Does he not think it was just daft and that she wouldn't do it if she knew no-one was going to "rescue" her?

Perhaps you could put it to him that you all need to sit down with her when she is sober and say that you've all had enough of it, putting herself in danger when she has a flounce is totally avoidable, and that if she does it again no-one is going to come after her. It may be that you will all have to put that into effect, because she will do it again and really ramp up the supposed danger, but if you demonstrate once that you all mean it she won't try it again.

NoahVale · 15/09/2015 12:29

I think Chris needs to either step up, but I dont think she should be Dave's problem or concern.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 15/09/2015 12:30

Definitely challenge Lisa about the flouncing off and texting to say she is somewhere dangerous. Although Willesden Junction is hardly South Central L.A. Oh, and please do ask her why she never does it when Dave's girlfriend is around.

Tell Dave he is an enabler who is rewarding bad behaviour.

I was a flouncer in my younger days. But I did at least tell people I was leaving and then just get myself home, pronto.

TwmSionCati · 15/09/2015 12:31

oh yes we have all flounced one time or another...but most of us just go home at that point...

glintwithpersperation · 15/09/2015 12:44

Histrionics. She sounds like a complete pita and I would avoid being part of her agenda.

glintwithpersperation · 15/09/2015 12:45

Isn't there a mental illness where people do this?

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 15/09/2015 12:46

She sounds like a pita, what a drama llama. Funny how this happens when Dave's gf is never around. Hmm so she fancies him then?

Dave is enabling the 'me me me' act.

OTheHugeManatee · 15/09/2015 12:56

So every time people don't do things her way she aims for the nearest dimly-lit and sparsely populated area, and then wanders about aimlessly while texting anyone who'll play along with her about how 'vulnerable' she feels.

YANBU. She is a whiny attention seeker and it sounds like she has her eye on Dave.

BertPuttocks · 15/09/2015 12:58

I'm not so sure that she fancies Dave. I think she just knows that Dave's girlfriend wouldn't put up with him being suckered into the drama like that.

And if Dave is Mr Nice but gullible he wouldn't be up for the dramatic public rows that she loves so much with Chris.

YANBU

GlitzAndGigglesx · 15/09/2015 12:59

I have a colleague/friend like this, except he's a 40 odd year old man. We stopped inviting him out. He complains about the area I live in and how unsafe he feels getting home, but has no problem getting ridiculously drunk before having to travel home (he's been offered lifts multiple times but refuses)

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 15/09/2015 13:14

Do you think Lisa actually engineers falling out with Chris, just so she can flounce off? She probably enjoys the 'OMG, I'm in Willesden, please save me!" routine more than the night out she is supposed to be having.

playg · 15/09/2015 13:25

You sound far too nice for this, but I'd be tempted to trease her mercilessly next time I went out with her. Stuff like "Oh Lisa, everytime we go out you always seem to end up lost somewhere, and I'm so worried for you tonight. Do you have a cab number on your phone? I've got a great one you can have. Do you have Citymapper downloaded? It's a great app, I can teach you to use it now. Bless you, you're such a ditz - do you remember when you got lost and ended up on the vomit comet night bus going home even though the tube station was just 5mins away from the gig?! - bless you, I'm so worried for you tonight"

LittleMissIntrovert · 15/09/2015 13:39

I can stand manipulative people like that, I know one!

Don't get their own way so spoil it for everyone else so they do.

sounds exactly like my sister

I think you should ask her straight when you are next together why she thought it was a good idea.

She only did it because she knew Dave would enable her. If people don't enable her, I bet it would stop!